the revolution will not be televised, the revolution is here. it has officially begun, the apocalypse, if i wasn't so right, i wouldn't be so damn right. i've held all along that cuddle buddies are perfectly fine (if not normal). who doesn't need a bit of cuddling here and there? but now some people are so desperate for it that they're paying thirty dollars -- thirty dollars! -- to cuddle with complete strangers. that is outrageous, cuddling should not be a paid event (is it not still whoring if both parties are effectively exchanging money? if there is money exchanged, isn't it cuddle whoring?), that ruins the whole principle behind it. maybe it's safer to cuddle with strangers but what does that say about (y)our friends? they can't be trusted to contently cuddle? is it better to drop thirty dollars and have no chance of anything "extra" happening? to each his own i guess. but cuddle buddying should be exactly that, cuddling with buddies. cuddle parties are just a bit much. i have trouble enough feeling comfortable at normal parties, add in the random cuddling element and it just may make me never go out again.



i wonder if they have some sort of system for determining who you want to cuddle with or not. because as we all know, it is best to cuddle buddy with those to whom you are either trying to advance to the next base with or with someone who you are comfortable staying right at that cuddle base with. cuddling with strangers? ew. what if you are totally repulsed? do you get a whistle or something to get out of a cuddling early?



i love how they train people to say "no" when asked "can i kiss you?" inspired by this article, i think i'm going to put down some ground rules on successful cuddle buddying. here goes. first off, the definition of cudding is having any body part on top of or draped over another person's body. this definition extends to and includes eighteen of the nineteen spooning positions known to man. the nineteenth position, aka "knocking on heaven's door," spells clear and present danger and is no longer considered part of the cuddling or spooning family. the rules...



(1) both parties involved should be comfortable with each other and should be pretty sure that nothing "extra" will happen. if you enter into a bed without knowing the intentions of your partner, do not be surprised if you are cuddle raped and maybe so much more. you have been warned.

(2) there is no obligatory cuddle buddying. treat each separate instance as a one time deal; if it happens again, good, but if it doesn't, don't pout. a single cuddle buddying experience is totally different than a cuddle relationship -- these involve many more rules that i don't have the time to get into here.

(3) cuddle buddying is not an exclusive act, it is polygamous by nature, even cuddle relationships. there can be no jealousy involved in cuddle buddying. if you want to participate in the sport of cuddling, realize that people can (and should) have multiple cuddlying buddies, otherwise, you are venturing into the dangerous realm of "exclusivity," which will inevitably lead to "problems" or "feelings." avoid this, cuddle around, even if you hate it.



is it okay to cuddle buddy if one of you has a signifcant other? i won't even go here, that's up to you. the safer bet would be to shut the cuddlying doors when there is someone special in your life but i've heard different. carpe diem people, carpe diem. i personally think that cuddling don't mean shit. it's just a thing to do (the basic principle of cuddle buddying should be "least repulsive, nearest warm body") and it ain't in the same league, ballpark or sport as some of the other sins. most people probably don't agree with me. but hey, that's not abnormal.



i just want to say this: cuddle buddying is not wrong. it is not a lewd act, it is not a come on, it is not a sin. it is cuddlying. my sweet embraceable you, that's what we, as humans, need and crave. don't live alone in a world of billions, cuddle for peace, cuddle for the children, cuddle with the children. i've clearly overstayed my welcome, i'm out. peace.



ps. it's been pointed out to me by more worldly friends that for thirty dollars you could probably get much more than a cuddle. if you're into more bang for your buck. ahem.