the game of life. one of those "uh oh" moments that are said to occur in our lives: when an ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend) tells you that she is getting married. if life were to be a romantic movie the situation would unfold thusly. ex-girlfriend calls you out of the blue, you reminisce and start to get to wondering "why did we ever break up?", and then right when you start to get into the groove of the time you're spending together, she drops the "oh by the way, i'm getting married" bomb.



at this point, if life was a revenge themed tarantino movie, all hell would break loose and many people would get maimed and obliterated -- even as they exchange witty dialogues. but no, clearly life is more akin to a romantic comedy. you know, the one where a beautiful a-list actress (julia roberts?) responds to the news by pretending to be happy but really panicks inside and wonders "why aren't i married yet?" cue laughter and lots of confusion as ms roberts tries to find a worthwhile date to bring to the wedding. actually, life isn't always like that either. life as a movie is surely just like reality bites, because anything important is somehow related to realty bites.



anyway, here's a worthy question. do you invite your exes to your wedding? actually, this is a terrible question since there is no objective answer and you only invite your exes if you are still cool with them, and they with you. a duh. so, barring any animosity between you and your ex, why wouldn't you invite them? at a wedding, don't you want everyone who was an important part of your life to be there? and wouldn't that naturally include your exes? i'd say so.



i've heard rumors about people who refuse to let their fiances (or brides-to-be) invite their exes. this seems ridiculous to me. if you can't handle your fiance having his ex around for one day, you probably have some issues to work out before you get married. that's just me though. maybe you people think differently about the whole thing. i can see however, how this might make for interesting wedding dinner conversation. "so, how do you know (insert name)?" "oh, i was her ex-boyfriend for five years..."



the point of all this is that as of yesterday, i found out that my first "real" girlfriend (my chronology includes 3.5 girlfriends, i think) was proposed to last week and happily accepted. stacey was the first real girlfriend i had in the sense that we were definitely going out and were mature to the point where we were in a "relationship." we went out for about eight months or so, almost all of it long distance -- her in santa cruz, me in ann arbor. she was not only my first real girlfriend but also my first kiss. and now she's getting married, a mere five years after we broke up.



and how do i feel? i feel great, fine, stupendous. because the guy that stacey is marrying, tim, is a friend of mine that i truly admire and respect (and not only for his awe inspiring basketball skills). in fact, when the two of them initially got together, i thought "wow, they make so much more sense than we ever did." and obviously, i've been proven correct. they are both happy happy happy. as was i to hear the news of their impending nuptials. interestingly enough, all three relationships stacey has been in have been with people that all grew up within ten miles of each other in san diego. as they say, "third times the charm."



i have this theory: after dating me, the next person someone dates will be able to make them very very happy. the semi-proof of this theory is that so far, every ex-girlfriend i've had is now in a wonderful relationship with a man that they might get married to -- in stacey's case, will get married to. call it "jon's cupid touch." after you date me, you'll think so lowly of men that the next one you ensnare will seem like a godsend. i am apparently the batch of love potion mixed right before number nine; failed formula number eight i believe.



my love lawyers however, would have a defensible case for the fact that i was a decent boyfriend to stacey. it being my first relationship, i was an excellent boyfriend. this was all pre my transformation and metamorphosis into "jon the bastard." not to be confused with "john the baptist." i remember, with stacey, a good amount of crying, missing, a morass of emotions and all that fun stuff. after her, my views on relationships (and partly, life) changed a lot and i became a very different type of boyfriend. you know, the one most common to mars and earth, the asshole boyfriend.



anyway, i get to go to stacey and tim's wedding. so there. and if you need someone to ensure your romantic happiness, my services will be available for a small fee. if you date me for a few months, it's almost guaranteed -- by the cosmic karma gods -- that you will have eternal happiness in store for you when we break up. just like stacey does, with tim.