panacea. ok. let's address this. why do people like getting drunk so damn much? ok. addressed. there are too many reasons to bother with. so instead here's what i will say about drunkenness. i don't get it. i don't get the whole getting drunk over and over bit. i'm not talking heavily buzzed, i'm talking super drunk. people are usually fun drunk. but that fun comes with a price. i'm unwilling to pay that price. but here to recount my best and worst drunk experiences. hold onto your panties because these stories will knock your socks off. why you would have to hold onto your panties if your socks are coming off is beyond me. but hey, you can never be too careful. especially concerning panties.



crescendo. beers beers beers. at a wilmot girls bbq many years ago i drank alot of beers. starting in the afternoon and continuing into night. i'm not even gonna lie and say i had some outrageous number of beers like twenty or thirty. because if i had imbibed that much i would have died instead of been drunk. there is a distinction, sometimes subtle, but it exists. the number i actually drank is probably closer to maybe ten in the whole day. so what did i do during this lurid drunken state? did i get crazy and dance on tabletops? did i eat beef until all the live cows ran in fear? did i entertain guests with my outrageous stories and stupid falling down drunk tricks? no. i spent the majority of my drunken time out on the balcony singing. as eric shih played the guitar, me and babbs and some other assorted people stood out there and sang. my head hurt so bad i couldn't open my eyes but i was singing my little heart out. i don't really remember if the quality of singing was good. but the fact that it was probably much louder than i normally sing means it was potentially that much worse. regardless, the singing was great. the drunkenness was great. somehow i ended up in the front yard and it was there that i passed out and was never heard from again. the end.



diminuendo. i puked in kyle's car. i am so sorry kyle. even to this day. two years later, this is still the last drunk experience i've had. i make it a point to never get to the point of drunkenness where i might accidentally empty my liquid bowels in somebody else's car. or any car period. anyway, i was sitting in the bitch seat (surprise) and i puked all over the back seat and over sher wing's shoes. they were such nice shoes too. anyway. the subway ride home was hellacious. randall had to walk me around and sit me down and watch me puke in a little plastic bag. i felt like complete and utter shit. you know the feeling. luckily randall is big and strong so he supported me emotionally and physically all the way home. somehow on the way home i ended up with a small hitler-like mustache on my face. no clue how it got there. the worst part is, i probably passed out on my bed all post-puke and nasty. i hope i burned those sheets. the dirty alchohol that got me in such a state? soju. now, when i even smell soju, i feel like puking. it's a delicious drink but it'll kick you like a donkey later. even during my drunken state i don't think i was that much fun since i don't recall much happening out of the ordinary. thank you again kyle and randall. and of course lisa and sher wing, the unfortunate passengers sitting next to me.



the point of these two stories? what i'm mainly trying to illustrate here is that there is not much difference between drunk me and not drunk me. i do the same things, except for the puking. so really, why drink? i have just as much fun without drinking and the fear of losing complete verbal and emotional control keeps me on a tight alchohol leash. bad things happen when you drink too much. sometimes you say things you should never say, sometimes you do things you should never do. i usually define puking as drunken. i have puked maybe a grand total of four times in my life due to alchohol. so really the best and worst stories are really just numbers two and four in my "when i was drunk" repertoire. boy the exciting life i lead. maybe i should take up knitting with knives or something.