real men wear tight britches and possess tongues of silver. having just watched "pride & prejudice," the thing i'm most amazed by is the sheer articulateness and eloquence of the period. sure it took half an hour to get used to the english accents and the big words used on-screen, but after i figured out what was being said, i loved it. those british really had a way with words back then. for example, which phrase is more likely to earn your lady love's forgiveness?

(a) "i've been an unmitigated and comprehensive ass."
(b) "i'm, like, really sorry i slept with your best friend. i know, i'm a dick."

not even a contest. i'll take "unmitigated and comprehensive" for effectiveness and depth of feeling. there's no doubt that our language has degraded over time and -- despite it being initially jarring -- to hear english spoken so well is enough to make anybody swoon. i think i'd rather learn to speak well than to do gravity defying back flips or shoot guns out of moving cars. is that so wrong?

imagine if you were suddenly able to completely express yourself, to use words that actually meant something -- words that carried weight and had precise definitions. how in awe would the people around you be? how easily could you convey exactly what you were thinking or feeling? sure, informal speech peppered with disyllabic words is much easier on the brain (and the tongue) but sometimes it would be nice to say something that didn't involve "like" or "um." "do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"

i was on the phone yesterday for a business type conversation and one of the first things i said was "awesome." i'm pretty sure that's a word not often heard in business related talks. i guess i should just be thankful that i didn't follow up with a "cool" or a "dope" after my initial gaffe.

what i would give for a nineteenth century english vocabulary and the impressive wit that apparently accompanies such knowledge. keep it real, i love jane austen. you should love her too.