i disagree with your view that we are all just selfish beasts in turning inwards when we supposedly ought to be extending ourselves out to someone in emotional need. i think that generally, we avoid really considering the myriad of thoughts and feelings harbored inside, opting instead to focus on exactly what you claim we never do -- think about other people's conditions. we obsess about the answers we might give or recieve in response to that nasty question, "how ARE you these days?" we chatter constantly about who's seeing who and what they think of whatshername, we gossip incessantly whether we admit to it or not. we live in a culture disturbingly preoccupied with staying safely outside a single person's individual feelings or insecurities.

you might counter with "but what about all that self-help crap and the ginormous emphasis set on 'expressing oneself'?" i say that this is and was never about turning inwards and questioning one's own thoughts and emotions; rather, i think its all become about churning something out that will neatly fit with everyone else's expectations of what one ought to feel and think given a situation.

why are self help books so damned popular? it's not because we are selfish in having a genuine interest in our own emotions and idiosyncracies...it's because we seek out some sort of commonality with other people so that we are able to normalize whatever is bubbling up inside. we seem to have grown accustomed to supressing all the untidy parts of our inner thoughts so that we may cheerily say, "oh, i'm fine. how are YOU?" we are selfish by thus joining in this socially agreed upon deception.

so, when we learn of something absolutely terrible that jolts us, we momentarily forget to do the former. for a bit, the gauze we've wrapped about ourselves tears just a little..enough for the questions and fears and worries we work so hard to contain rush out and smack us in the face. i think that it's during these times of reflection we are most truthful to ourselves and each other. sharing someone's pain means more than asking after it...it means acknowledging its affect on yourself as well.
-excerpted from a friend's email-