gods and monsters. you realize that if we lived in a different society, some of our celebrities would be considered gods and goddesses? if shaq was part of a warrior culture, his size and athletic prowess would make him the most feared man on the planet. you don't think the spartans would have deified a physical specimen like shaq? he would've only been the most powerful warrior ever. there would have been epic poems and stories of his exploits. like the time he killed an elephant with his left hand while eating a ham sandwich with his right. or the time when he annihilated twenty men with one blow from his flamberge. instead, in our society, shaq is the jolly black giant, ridiculed for his movies (not to mention his music), hated for his success and given only begrudging respect. do we realize how amazing shaq is? probably not. in ancient greece, statues of shaq would already have been erected, statues on scale to the colossus of rhodes. imagine that.

and what about someone like mariah carey? here's someone who has come under fire for her movies, her music and her mental instability. but mariah could have been a goddess. forget about her looks -- always a matter of personal preference -- her voice alone would have made her the favored handmaiden to apollo. her gift of song would have elevated her above mere mortals and she would have been given all the respect and adoration she deserves. instead she's in front of us, the mercurial public, in dresses that get skimpier and skimpier, talking about how this is "the real her" while critics snicker and vilify her.

every time i read my pulp fantasy books, they describe men of incredible physical stature and women of unsurpassed beauty. they talk about men who are well over six feet tall and built like adonises. as you looked over the ranks of the immortals of persia, it was said that "each man seemed more handsome and well built than the last." these ten thousand soldiers were the finest of the fine, the creamiest of the cream. but tell me, have you seen ten thousand men together who could be described as mentioned above? it would be like having ten thousand brad pitts standing shoulder to shoulder -- and as all women could attest, there's only one brad pitt.

the same applies for women. descriptions of ancient heroines tend to depict them as perfection personified. that's hard to imagine right? we have some statuesque celebrities, but perfect? not very many. who do we have nowadays that might be up to the physically perfect challenge of resembling tall lithe grecian beauties? i'd say maybe charlize theron? she's five eleven, beautiful in every way, she would qualify right? but there aren't that many charlizes around. would britney be a goddess? c'mon now, let's not make each other laugh.

but maybe they had different standards then. anyone with good teeth, semi-luxurious hair and functional eyeballs might have been considered a great beauty. and maybe we have a skewed perception of adonises because we see muscle bound six footers every day. maybe we can't see the gods and goddesses among us because we've evolved as a society to value everyone equally -- regardless of their physical beauty or extreme talent. but i think we've lost some admiration for the human gifts that god has placed among us. why subject mariah and shaq to the vicious celebrity cycle of admiration followed by mockery? why not elevate them to the status of demi-gods and enjoy them for what they are? who cares if they're not amazing in every respect, as long as they're divine in one? must we bring everyone down?

ok fine, i admit it, i like mariah okay?