"surrounded by people but always alone." does this description fit you? do you feel like an island regardless of how many land masses are around you? what does that feel like? is it depressing? empowering? confounding? what thoughts do you think when you're mentally alone but physically crowded?

most times, the common conception is that if you're around a lot of people, you're not alone because other people are right there. it's like drinking alone at a bar, you are technically alone but also a part of something bigger. but sometimes i think that you can feel the most alone when sitting in the middle of a herd. you see a ton of people all getting along and interacting and "getting to know each other" and you think "hey, i can't do that, i don't feel that, i feel alone." as opposed to just feeling that way with a smaller group -- whom you can just write off as "a bunch of idiots i don't get along with anyway."

it sucks right? to feel alone? for anybody? i'm no expert on this issue because i try my darnest to always be around people. i never go anywhere by myself. i can barely stand being alone for more than half a day before searching someone out. i haven't quite figured out why exactly but i'm sure the reason for this habit will reveal itself to me eventually.

i have had some experience talking to people who feel exactly this way however. feeling like they're utterly alone even when all their friends are around them. is it a state of mind? is it the group that makes them feel this way or is it them? do some people just tend to stand out so much that they can never quite feel like one of the gang? i tend to think that it's the person making him/herself feel alone and apart, but then, why place the blame on the little guy?

and what usually happens when someone feels alone amidst a group of people? they test their theory by pulling back or pulling out, and seeing if anybody notices. they want to know if their presence is missed, or if indeed they really are as alone as they thought they were. which one do you think they'd rather have? being missed or confirmation that they really were alone?