i like the waaaay you move. can we talk about the biggest disaster of the weekend? i lost my jeenyus poster. somewhere in transit between airports i put down my treasured possession and orphaned it. i noticed as we were taking off from pittsburgh that my jeenyus poster was nowhere to be found. tragedy strikes at the most unexpected moments. the ten dollar vinyl poster was gone and some lucky bastard picked it up. the worst part is that whoever happened to pick it up probably won't even appreciate how dope it is. or was. it was the perfect poster, all orange and bright with the white jeenyus face logo. freak me. you will be missed my jeenyus.



but one can't really complain about minor stuff like that after an absolutely stunning weekend. actually i could complain about the lost poster forever because i'm kind of petty and materialistic but i'll let it go for now. this, eric and anna's wedding, marks the last of the wedding of the season for me. and you know how sometimes the world ends with a whimper and not a bang? well, this wedding ended with a bang. all the other weddings i went to, were special and nice but this was just mind blasting fun. open bar probably had a bit to do with it, but it was really the people. all those ideas of weddings being crazy and dancey and everything were so true. up till this weekend i'd never danced at a wedding (and i've been to six so far). how many weddings have crazy dance perfomances during the reception? someone needs to upload video of that because the energy during that performance was just crazy ridiculous.



and having tons of michigan people there, old and new, just made for an unforgettable experience. the list of moments really could go on and on, and are being documented by mass emails as we speak, but i think the best way to sum up the entire experience was someone saying afterwards (heavily paraphrased), "i feel like the hugs are more meaningful." meaning that after the wedding and the weekend, people just felt a lot closer. the DDT in the hotel room after the wedding? talking about dance and the best memories from dancing? one of the best group DDTs in awhile. forced DDTs sometimes never go anywhere but this one just really put a capper on a night filled with physical, mental, spiritual and emotional stimulants. i think everyone is sick now, physically and nostalgically. it's easier to recover from one than the other but pictures help.



pictures. mine, james, sujeet, heather, megan 1, megan 2, chris.

excerpted from an amit e-mail because basically, he said it.



i have never experienced an event like eric and annalisa's wedding. everyone i love coming together to celebrate the uniting of two of the most inspirational, talented, beautiful, amazing people any of us have had the distinct pleasure of knowing... i mean, face it, we all had high hopes for this weekend, and somehow, each and every moment surpassed all of our expectations.



eric and anna - thank you for letting us share in this incredible moment. you both have no idea how important you are to all of us, and we all wish you two the greatest of lives together.



funktion & dance2xs - i think since the og's decided to put these groups together, we've wanted to instill something very important and valuable into each member... the incredible power of friendship, camaraderie, and trust. i mean, dancing is amazing, it's something we all love to do, something we all have in common... but after it's all said and done, what you're left with are mere memories of dancing (and maybe a video... or 10), but friends standing right next to you, sharing in those memories, forever. we're family, we just are... i mean, could you believe that as we were standing, hugging, in that huge circle at the reception, that it didn't really matter where you were standing because to the right and to the left of you were individuals with whom you've shared something invaluable... i was looking around at every grinning face and realizing i could tell a story about each person that would make a complete stranger understand how incredibly important that person is to me.

let's not get crazy. ok. let's. wedding picture.

what do they put in the water in cerritos? whatever it is, this former farming community and current model of american suburbia is the unlikely breeding ground for bona fide turntablists.



ok so i'm listening to this internet radio show. live mixing. it is ridiculous. i'm in love. the song selection just.....ummmmm. beautiful. and you can get all the mixes from the past too. damn boy. go check it out.

big kahuna burger. i attempted surfing this weekend. attempted as in got on a board and paddled out into the ocean. i tried it last weekend too but that was not really note worthy. this weekend i had a wetsuit, and that made it seem all that more impressive. my wetsuit, which was too big for me, kept me warm and covered. which was quite a revelation. i've never used a wetsuit before and didn't really realize how much warmer it could keep you. walking from the car to the beach with a board in hand and a wetsuit painted onto you really adds to the surfing "look." i like to imagine that people drove by and said, "oh, they look like they're surfers."



as for the actual surfing itself. there were no waves to be found. and even if there were i'm not sure how successful i would have been in getting up on a board. i've gotten up on a board once, a long long time ago, but it was on an eight foot monster of a board. and standing up on that was pretty similar to standing up in a canoe, so it wasn't that impressive. getting up on a real surf board however, with real surf gear on, that is kind of more impressive.



i wonder if i'll be any good at surfing. usually i feel like i have some sort of idea about what types of things i'm good at. i'll know if i can do this, i'll know if i can't do that. but once in awhile, certain things come along that you really have no clue if you'll be good at at all. like surfing. on one hand, surfing can't be all that difficult because people do it all the time. on the other, my balance and coordination kinda suck in general so maybe i'm destined to suck at surfing. sucking at anything really sucks. especially if it's something sport or physical related. it's such a bigger blow to the ego than a mental shortcoming. i mean, if you can't do math at least you can play it off as not really wanting to do math. nobody has to know that you can't add. and oftentimes if you can't do one thing you can compensate by doing another.



but with a physical activity it's much more like "fuck, i can't jump/swim/surf." you can work at it sure, but oftentimes with a physical activity, you know right away how good you can be. i've heard that it's the same way with young chess players. for some reason, young kids just seem to know when they have reached a ceiling in their chess skills. they see their potential, or lack of it, very clearly.



people at school in michigan used to always ask me, "do you surf?" the assumption is that all californians can surf. i had to answer truthfully that, "no i don't surf." but now i can give a two minute longer explanation like "well, i've tried surfing and i can't quite do anything but paddle around for a bit, but i hope to one day surf." and let it go on record that it's hard to sit on a board. all those images of serene surfers sitting patiently on their boards waiting for the next great wave? i was not one of those people. i had to work so hard just to stay balanced on the board that i practically fell over whenever i tried to shift or tried to use less than both hands to balance. it was not a glorious start to my surfing career. it's like trying to learn how to play basketball and getting confused about the tying the shoes part.

hi ho, hi ho. it's off to work we go. people have these things called jobs. almost everyone has one at my age. in fact, most everyone has one at any age. i do not. i have no job. i haven't had a job in a long time (it could be said that i've never actually had a real job ever). a long time meaning either weeks, months or years. someone spoke of people walking different paths, of having their friend be walking down a different path than the one they were walking down. and how that might hinder their future friendship. could this be one of those different paths? the have jobs versus the have no jobs?



my mom tells me that at some point, if i stay the way i am, people will leave my life. because they will move on to marriages, kids, jobs, paid vacations, mortages and other big important things. and if i were to somehow magically maintain my current level of ineptitude, i would be left behind. now the question is, is this a valid fear on her part? should it be a valid fear on mine?



probably not because i would like to assume that friends stay friends regardless of how life is going. but i suppose realistically i can see situations where friends fall away. the friends that we had in middle school or high school were "so middle school, so high school." and their paths have taken them to a different place. and the friendships that remain are distant and based on memories. i can conceive of this happening now. after all, i am only twenty five and that is still young in the grand scheme of things.



we have a peer group for a reason right? to have something to compare contrast ourselves to? if we hang out with highly accomplished people all the time, might that drive you to be highly accomplished right? when people all around you start getting married off, there might be some thoughts of "boy, should i be thinking about marriage now?" our peer group is one of our own choosing but our age plays a big part of it. i feel like at twenty five i am neither young nor old. i still have a chance to hang onto youth while being old enough to take on certain responsibilities. twenty five is a weird age but is it closer to twenty or to thirty?



and are people really gonna stop being friends with me just because our paths differ? sometimes i wonder where moms get these ideas.

i hope it feels so good to be right. there's nothing more exhilirating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?

-clerks-

t n. while we're on our john cusack kick. in high fidelity, the main character, rob, is prone to making top five lists of things. mainly things like "top five songs for a monday morning" but stretching all the way out to "top five worst breakups." while this quirk is interesting and endearing to me, i'm not here to talk about it. in the movie, rob also states that: it's not what you're like, it's what you like. this meaning that it is more revealing to know what a person likes as opposed to what the person is actually like.



i, on some superficial and not so superficial levels, agree wholeheartedly with this statement. i am a man/boy/child shaped by my interests. my movies, my books, my hobbies, my whatevers. i have a strong personal connection to what i like. this isn't even about passions, it's just things that i like. i think that people like things for two reasons. one, they can appreciate the object (using object very generally here) on some level, be it emotional intellectual or personal. two, the more common reason i think, is that they can relate themselves to the things that they like. people see a piece of themselves in the things that they like. additionally, people could like things just for the cachet it gives them, or for the meaning provided by having certain likes.



example. say i like puma the brand and more specifically, puma the shoes. i could like it on a few different levels. i might admire the artistry of flimsy overpriced shoes. i might like the way the design of the shoe conforms to and initiates my outfit. i might like the logo of a bold puma jumping fearlessly across a ravine, or possibly jumping towards a meal, depending on how you see it. i could also like puma because it says something about me. or rather, i might want it to say something about me. puma is currently seen as a sort of retro cool (i could be off on this perception, it's been awhile) and so people buy puma because it's retro cool, or at least imparts a retro cool. in this way, i could say that i like puma shoes. i might also like puma because it reminds me of thundercats, so that could be another option i guess, liking something because it reminds you of something else.



anyway, the point is, the things that we like, really can define us. this is terribly shallow and close minded of me but if i find out that someone likes all the same things i like, i immediately assume that we'd get along. if they happen to appreciate the things that i appreciate for the same reasons, well then, there's a friend to hang onto. this works with strangers as well. if i'm cruising friendster (which is rare since friendster is about to have a terrible, yet economically wildly successful death) i look at what people list as favorite movies, books, hobbies, and make assumptions about whether or not i would or would not get along with this particular person. so pretty much based on an assortment of "like" facts about a person, i make major decisions about whether they seem interesting or not.



don't give me some high brow shit about "but people with different interests are people too!" no. people with different interests are boring. just kidding. different interests are cool, variety is the spice of life after all. however, there is this connection you can establish with people, based upon common interests. actually, some friendships i have are purely dependent on one common interest. i could give a line about "but then it grows from that one interest and then we really get to be friends and blah blah." but you don't want to hear it.



there are certain things that i feel like are "me." if someone asked, "what could i do to know more about you?" i could say, "go read this book, go watch this movie, go listen to the lyrics of this song, go dance to this." and then i would feel like i gave them an adequate description of myself. is this a bit sorry? perhaps. but i'm willing to concede that my life, my ideas, have been lived out by other people and that they've expressed it in mass media form. and sometimes it's hard to explain to people what you feel like, it's easier when you can just point to a movie or a book or a song and go, "this is what i feel." and that to me, is the power of interests.



it also helps to guide you in the making of random acquaintances and friends i suppose. i could go on with this topic for awhile, but i'll save the tangents for later.

say what? after this weekend i feel like a better man. i feel more whole, more complete, as if a missing piece of myself has finally been found and re-attached. yes, i watched that seminal sappy flick, say anything. say what you say? you've never seen say anything? how could that be possible jon? aren't you the biggest fan of movies like this? movies which feature touching romantic plots yet maintain an edge of intelligence and wit? movies that make you go "damn that line/scene was good." yes i say. i am a big fan of such movies. and so i wonder why i've never seen this movie before.



and i say this, shame on everyone who never told me to watch this movie. shame on everyone who didn't demand that i watch this movie right this minute. shame on anyone who didn't bring over the DVD version and allow me to complete myself. nobody had me at hello.



until now. thank you christina.



so i saw the movie and i have to re-watch it immediately. i had no idea that a movie like this existed out there. i have apparently been watching derivatives of this movie for many years without even knowing that there was an original. it's like if you'd been used to worshipping house cats all your life and then a tiger suddenly walks into the room. yeah, it's like that. okay, maybe this movie isn't quite an original but it's certainly a classic.



i have an excuse for not being aware of this movie, i'm a fob, nobody let me watch this kind of movie as a young child. i couldn't appreciate great dialogue or subtlely perfect acting with a less than solid grasp of english now could i? but how come nobody, when i was in college, told me about this movie?! i mean, that just screws up my whole idea of good and evil. by the way, i personally blame greg for him not telling me about this movie. and i thought we were friends?



let it also go on the record that i watched the first season of felicity this weekend. not all the episodes yet -- i emphasize the yet -- but i'm sure i'll be watching them all soon. now you must wonder, "whoa, isn't felicity kind of a girly show?" and the answer is, "why yes, it is kind of a girly show." but it happens to be a pretty damn good girly show. and my goodness, the amount of actual physical pain i experienced watching the first three episodes is insane. i cringed at every moment that felicity was about to make a total fool of herself. well not a fool. but when she was about to expose/reveal her feelings for ben, or all the things she was doing just to be around ben. it made me grip my knuckles and go "no no! don't do it!" of course she does it all, everything i fear and am most against. but it makes for good television. this actually happened alot with say anything, scenes and moments that would make me go "oh man, don't do it don't do it....oooohhhhh.....can you believe he just did that?"



it hurts me to see people open themselves up and just let all their romantic vulnerabilities hang. people who can do that, i give you a mighty round of applause. but i worry for your mental and emotional well being. oh my gosh, people putting themselves on the line and just leaving the door wide open for pain rejection and embarassment. i can't watch! or can i?



also, for fans of pop culture, sex, drugs and cocoa puffs: a low culture manifesto.

your mouth is a temple. dental hygiene, let's talk about it. hygiene in general is very important but dental hygiene isn't just about aesthetics. it's easy to keep your mouth healthy if you use the right products. here i'll show you which products i use and which ones i've deemed the best. yes, i'm that helpful.



toothbrush. start with the basics. a toothbrush is a must. i read once in a dentist's office that the best type of toothbrush to use is a soft bristled one that is small or medium sized. a large brush will not get into the crevices correctly. hard bristles will sack pillage rape your gums and make you bleed, and nobody wants that. proper brushing technique is worthy of a book itself (or at least a long pamphlet) so i'll skip it here but for starters, brush using scrubbing and circular motions. leave no stone unturned, brush brush brush. i recommend brushing three times a day. after each meal and right before and after going to bed. i eat once a day so that adds up to three, it's probably better to brush four to five times depending on how often you eat.



walking down the toothbrush aisle can be a bit intimidating nowadays because of all the crazy colors and designs but i say never spend more than two dollars on a toothbrush. a typical brush will only last a month or so anyway so why spend four dollars for a brush with all the bells and whistles? i personally get my toothbrushes from costco, the six pack of oral-b advantage with control grip which comes in convenient pastel colors to fit your mood. also, it's nice to be able to offer your friend a toothbrush if they stay over. actually, it's even better to just have some disposable single use crap toothbrushes to give away because most friends really aren't worth two dollar toothbrushes. if i give you one from the six pack you know i like you. and it also means i expect you to be around often enough to warrant your own personal toothbrush.



i've seen sonic care, i've heard sonic care, i've seen electronic toothbrushes, i've been pikked to the water. personally, i don't like any of these alternatives. mainly because they don't usually allow you to use toothpaste, and i really like toothpaste. plus the feeling of actually brushing using your own strength and arm motion (note i said arm, not wrist) is kind of key. but some people are lazy and believe in the electronic stuff. do what you gotta do i guess. one last thing about toothbrushes, someone once told me that if you leave your toothbrushes close to the toilet, the flushing will shoot up invisible microbes that will alight on your toothbrush. this is disgusting. keep your toothbrushes far away from toilets and other places of possible high contamination. this is not a joke. these things happen. oh, on the subject of sharing toothbrushes. i've admittedly done it. and i don't have a huge problem with it. but most of the time i'd rather just use the ghetto finger rub technique. email me if you have any questions about this particular technique, that way you won't have to suffer from the public embarassment of not knowing about the most basic of brushes. god gave us fingers for a reason.



shit, one last brushing thing, i promise. periodically brush your tongue. scrub scrub. your tongue is dirty. who knows where it's been. it needs a good scrubbing once in awhile. concerning the tongue, pink is most definitely in this, and every, season.



toothpaste. there is nothing, i repeat nothing, better than colgate 2in1 fluoride toothpaste and mouthwash: icy blast whitening. it may not be the most effective toothpaste, it may do nothing to whiten your teeth, but the fresh feeling is unbeatable. i would recommend this type of toothpaste above all else. sometimes you can switch the flavors up just for a change, if you're feeling crazy, but sticking with this two in one thing is important. try this product, it will not disappoint. personally i am out of this item at the moment and am having to make due with inferior products but soon i will get another bottle. you should too. accept no substitutes.



they make this toothpaste in taiwan called "black person toothpaste." the tube depicts a black man in a top hat smiling with an ultra bright smile. i've tried it, it's not bad. but i don't use it based on principle and political correctness. i wonder when they'll stop using that name.



floss. how many times does the dentist have to tell you to floss before you actually listen? i actually get a sick joy out of flossing. when shit comes unstuck from in-between your teeth? wow, what a grandiose feeling. flossing is simple, quick and efficient. with the state of the art technology that they've invested in floss now there is no reason not to floss. the floss is durable, thin, waxed and cunningly flavored. it glides in and out with the smoothest of transitions. i am of course talking about the glide brand mint floss. this stuff comes in a pleasing package and is also the best stuff on earth, better even than snapple. if you really don't like flossing, go buy an alessi otto floss man and use him to help motivate you. flossing is key after eating lots of meat or itty bitty vegetables. sometimes a piece of food stuck in-between teeth can seriously drive you batty. seriously. do girls carry floss in their handbags? they really should you know. i fixed a toilet once using floss. i tied together the broken chain with a few strategically placed floss pieces. that stuff is strong, and waterproof to boot. i was probably richard dean anderson in another life, it's impressive, i know.



mouthwash. not really a necessity but it's nice to have something to wash everything down with. a little something something to complete your mouth hygiene routine. i've tried many mouthwashes in my day and the conclusion i've come to is this: use what you like, don't let marketing or other people's preferences bully you into choosing something you don't enjoy. for example, i think that listerine is a little too chemically and abrasive so i use scope winter mint. mouthwash kills millions of germs and also prevents gingivitis and plague/plaque and tartar buildup. so many things in just a few gargles? amazing. using mouthwash for the first time can be kind of scary. it burns, it tingles, it tastes funny. but if you slowly work your way up to it, you can swig mouthwash straight out of the bottle after a few days. try mixing the stuff up with some water or coke at first to decrease the potency and the burn but the only real manly way to use mouthwash is on the rocks. take it from me, i'm a veteran.



are you excited yet about your next brushing experience? yeah, i know, you can't wait. but one more thing. gum, mints and breath strips. gum is so key if you are a smoker like me. it takes the edge off the smoker breath and while it rarely eliminates the entire odor, it can at least allow you to blow out a combination of mint and smoke, thereby confusing nearby humans. sure it's not quite as effective as not smoking entirely but you gotta do what you gotta do. i prefer the new dentyne ice style of gum. the ones in convenient aluminum packaging. it keeps the gum fresh and accessible. the old style paper packs just don't do it for me. use only in emergencies. avoid the black ice dentyne flavor because that shit can kill you with too much minty burn. actually, in most instances, i prefer blue mouth items over green or any other color. winter mint, peppermint, it's all good stuff. but this is just a personal preference. feel free to tinker with your own flavors and styles, be creative. i'm against breath strips because those stick to your tongue and leave your mouth with a weird residue. mints are okay, but to me they are more candy than dental hygiene. and tic tacs, let's not even talk about how useless those are in the freshening department. tastes great, less calories but totally useless.



you ask, "jon, why do you know so much about brushing? how did this become such a big part of your life?" the answer is two-fold. i like hygiene. in everything. proper mouth control is just the tip of the iceberg as far as grooming is involved. there's also health reasons tied into brushing but those are boring. the other reason i've made brushing such an integral part of my life is that i think i have genetically weak teeth. some people are blessed with a strong pair of chompers that never fail. yes, we hate those people. me, i've had more cavities than you could count comfortably. it's not because i don't brush or floss enough, it's because of my genes. if there are any doubts, re-read this post to see exactly how fastidious i am about brushing. in conclusion, brush floss gargle and chew your way to a new lifestyle. you may not be able to change much in your life but dental hygiene is something we can all improve upon.

look ma! no hands! the other day, i received a phone call suggesting/summoning me to go to china asap. as soon as possible. i was asked on a tuesday afternoon so i would have left on wednesday. as of today, wednesday, i am not any closer to china nor am i planning to be any closer for the forseeable future that spans this upcoming week. the reason for the summons was a family issue back there. it was an issue and a concern, not quite an emergency. or maybe it was an emergency, i don't know. i didn't quite get all the information concerning the situation right away so i was left to speculate.



to walk through the steps in my head of getting a phone call saying "can you go to china tomorrow?" the first thing i was trying to figure out was if this was indeed an emergency. i have nothing to do here in the states for the time being so i have the time to go but i was also not dying to go jaunting off to china at a moment's notice. especially without a really good reason. but a family issue should be a good enough reason right? regardless of if it's an emergency or not.



what happened after the initial phone call was a mild evaluation of the situation. what's going on? what am i going for? what do i have to do? do i have to go? how long would i have to go for? what am i missing out on? is this a command or a suggestion?



are these not shit questions to ask? if people are saying "go to china, we've decided you need to go (for family no less)." isn't that a good enough reason? why get details? why assess the situation? just fucking go bitch. get on the plane with the ticket that you don't even have to buy and go. but no, i made my phone calls, consulted my people, took my sweet time and basically procrastinated on giving an answer or committing to a plan of action. on general principle, in matters involving family, you should just go. but i, in my apparent lack of filial piety and concern, was hesitant to just pick up and run. let me remind you that all i do daily is sit on my ass and unproductive away.



as it turns out, i don't need to go. or at least i've been assured that it's not anywhere near an emergency so i don't need to go. it may have been overreacting from the people who thought i should go, it may have been the situation getting better, it may have been anything but basically the story is that i don't need to go to china today, tomorrow, yesterday. and i'm happy about that. and yet i feel shitty about it. not even effective shitty like this is rocking my world shitty but a creeping shitty, more like shame, in reacting so skeptically and critically to an urgent summons concerning the well being of family.



they ask "what has become of our children today?" and i'm afraid that my personal answer to the question is: i'm sorry.

belated. a funny thing about birthdays is that you'll always get the "happy belated birthdays." which are coming from people wishing you a happy birthday late, thus belated. but these are usually received in conjunction with a "i'm sorry, i remembered but, i was away, i thought about you..."



and this is funny because just the mere fact that someone wishes you a happy birthday, belated or not, is cool enough. but something in the human psyche makes you attach a reason or an excuse to a "belated." as if by missing the actual date it's not as happy or real of a birthday wish.



i catch my ass doing this all the time. doing all these same things, providing the reason for a late birthday wish or whatever it might be. it's one of those socially accepted and possibly automatic things that we do -- an action that verges almost on the unconscious -- simply because if we miss something, we are usually wanting to have a good reason for it. or to at least provide a plausible reason for missing something. i think it's a remnant of going through twelve years of attendance based education. it's like when you first go to college and start missing classes, you say all sorts of shit to the professor about how or why you missed class. after a few semesters however, i found that i tended to just go "i missed class, i was late, what do i need to catch up on?" without using any particular reason unless one was provoked or requested. then again, maybe i just learned to cut to the chase because after you miss a few weeks of class at a time, no excuse is really gonna cut it so you might as well come clean and not bullshit. there's a lesson to be learned here i'm sure, about the intrinsic value of not bullshitting. but it's probably lost on me like most other good things are.



anyway, back to the belated birthdays thing. i think birthday wishes really all mean the same thing, whether they come on the exact date or not. free meals and desserts however, must usually be redeemed on the exact day, so be sure to remember your birthday exactly and go out for free stuff appropriately.

going going gone. our little circle of san diego is about to take some hits. b babb is moving up to oakland, turbo loh is going to san francisco, james wank is going to mammoth. while this may not seem catastrophic to you, it is to me. see, for the past few months, especially summer, san diego has been a giant den of slack and entertainment. sure some of us work, some of us pretend to work, but at the end of the day, we all bum and annoy each other. but people are moving on, getting their responsibilities in order and that is all a very good thing. babbs, victor and james aren't going quite yet but today we officially lost our highest estrogen producer, the one the only purple hippo. it was all she could do to handle hanging out with eight guys all the time and she's run off to hong kong to be by her boyfriend's side. an admirable decision of course but that leaves us high and dry in the female department.



we don't need many females for our group to function, in fact, fewer as opposed to plentiful is the ideal. but in nancy we lose our everything. she was one of the guys, yet still a girl. she was okay with being bored with us on weekdays and weekends. she laughed with us, laughed at us and basically set the standard for any future smurfettes. we have been working hard in search of a potential female "replacement" but as we well know, that is impossible. what we have is an exodus of people, starting with nancy, which means that i forsee life in san diego being pretty different. sure we have all the leftovers here, and many dope ass new people, but this endless summer will be hard to duplicate. and in actuality, it should never be duplicated again because if it is, we are not only residents of loserdom but denizens with no hope of escape.



in creating a "replacement requirement" list, we sought out many of the things that nancy gave us. we needed a girl who was easily amused. a girl who wouldn't mind being stuck in on friday and saturdays reading newsweek and watching some poker. a girl who got along well with everyone and could bring out certain stupidity just by being there. we also needed them to have a boyfriend, preferably far far away, so that she could get her fix of loving and care from him so she would be satisfied slumming with us freaks. and it would be nice if she got our humor, because hey, we are humorous but only to ourselves. video games is a must, plus willingness to eat and hang out at all hours. of course, no one girl can be all these things and so we'll have to struggle sausage-ly on. a picture of a strangely non-sausagey weekend, a rare occurence indeed.



the good news with all these people leaving is that our female to male ratio is about to go up. not by anything magical that we have accomplished but by sheer stupid subtraction. before, we had one girl and eight guys. now we lose four guys so if we even hang out with one girl at all, we will have one girl and four guys. that's eleven percent up to twenty percent without breaking a sweat. i love math, don't you?



in other news, when babbs leaves in a week, we need a basketball star for our team. preferably over six feet with great defense offense and everything else. we accept all applicants regardless of age, color and gender. as long as you can make us not lose by ten, we'll take you. we may not win any games but we want to put up some sort of fight. man, it sucks to suck at basketball.



for the record, the summer is officially over.

birthdays are when people get older. a-duh. so i'm officially a quarter of a century. for the people doing the math, that means twenty five. wheee, whoop, glory glory. it's not so exciting. well it is i suppose. but not really. it's two years removed from "gee, you're twenty seven and still a loser?" oh what i would give to be twenty one and a potential loser as opposed to twenty five and standing on the brink of loserville. but i'll take what comes. i did have a great weekend though. tiring at times, and very out of it at times. but it was stellar. best of all, i got unexpected presents that were pretty much off the hook. let's start with a toaster. a new yet old fashioned toaster. then we got a hookha (not really for my birthday but it was a cool present anyway). and i got a michael lau poster. and a life sized poster/puzzle of the one and only lana lang. and some drinks, and some food, and some food for thought (that means books). and i got baked goods. and lots of phone calls of course. plus emails. so thanks people.



and i must speak on possibly the greatest present ever: a button maker. it makes buttons. i kid you not. i have wanted to make buttons all summer but haven't actually gotten a button maker yet. but a friend, an only friend, got me a button maker. it's aqua and plastic and is adorned with a flowery "b-stylin" logo, which leads me to believe that this button maker was designed for little girls. and checking the box, i can confirm that it's for ages eight and up and all the photos show happy smiling adolescent girls. but hey, if you're making buttons in the first place, all ideas and marketing gimmicks must be set aside. that's the point of a button anyway right? to show an idea or an image of an idea? so the moral of the story is that we're gonna be cranking out buttons like no tomorrow. check out our initial run of limited edition subversive buttons. let me also say that these button backings are so safe that they come with only clip ons or magnets. don't want little girls to prick themselves now do we? but since we are men, we will have to run to a local store to get some very sharp and dangerous pin backings because we all know that real men wear buttons with pins.



the conversation that me and george always have on our birthdays goes something like this. imagine it's 12:01 am or maybe a bit earlier. note that the speakers and lines are interchangeable depending on what year we run through this routine.



"i called you first! happy birthday."

"thanks, happy birthday to you too."

"what're you doing?"

"nothing/drinking/bout to sleep."

"cool, talk to you later?"

"ok, happy birthday."



ah, twin loving, nothing beats it.

it's pretty hard to annoy me. it would take an extreme effort and much concentration to actually annoy me. i can be annoyed but to actually get annoyed is a very different thing. i have the patience of a dead man. i don't really get angry. i give the benefit of the doubt. i take auxiliary factors into consideration. i am in short, a mountain of calm. but one thing that consistently annoys me, can be broken down to this one simple thing: if you are mistreating other people, i get annoyed. this pertains to all sorts of mistreatment. verbal, mental, physical, emotional (ok, not so much on the emotional tip). but when people get it in their head to mess with someone, or to belligerently do stupid shit, that's annoying. if you can't handle yourself around people, that's annoying. so handle yourself.



i have much to say on this topic. but i am trying to get to bed before sunrise for once this summer. wish me luck.

hotmail access is down on my computer. i feel lost. i feel vulnerable. i feel hopeless and helpless. i feel lonely. the thing is though, what am i really missing? i don't really email much of anyone anymore. i can get my word of the day from the dictionary website. i can get fantasy updates by visiting their respective sites. so the question is, what emails am i really missing out on? does this mean that what i'm really missing is the junk mail and porn spam that i get daily? for the sake of my integrity and mental well being, let's assume not.



what i feel is unconnected. what if somebody needed to email me and has done so and is now awaiting a timely response? how would i know? how would they know that i'm incapable of answering them because of technical snaufus? i feel the need to be reached at all times. not really because it matters much in most instances (nobody needs to reach me that badly i'm sure) but because maybe i have some issues with being unreachable. this might be an indicator of bigger more deeper issues. and let's not even talk about what my world would look like if the internet -or heaven forbid, my cell phone- went down.



if this continues i may have to come over to your house to check email. hotmail is working there right?

let me show you a little sumthing sumthing. today i taught. today i passed on my knowledge of the flute to someone who had never played one before. today i was a flute teacher. you ask of course, "jon what do you know about the flute that qualifies you as a flute teacher?" and of course i would say, "nothing." because quite honestly, even though i've played the flute for many years, and i've been around flutes recently, i know nothing about the flute. but here i was, being asked to teach a ten year old girl how to play flute. i refused of course, because i felt like if you wanted a child to learn something, especially something like music, you should look for the best of teachers. the teachers with knowledge, experience and passion for the subject. and i have none of those things.



but i allowed myself to be coerced into teaching. and i didn't mind it, because i like the kids, but i saw my role as more of a glorified babysitter who happened to be teaching some flute. and so at four pm today i put my flute together, checked to make sure it was in good working order, and grabbed some basic flute books and set off to educate.



the results were mixed. it's a strange thing, when a child looks at you with unchallenged authority. like i could say anything about the flute, and it would be law. at least until they know better. i could say, "the flute works because magic faeries react chemically when you blow into the hole." and they would believe it. or be inclined to believe it, because i am the "flute teacher." so it was difficult, to be entrusted with this much respect, especially when i'm not really convinced that what i know is correct or proper.



i can't remember what my earliest flute learning experiences were like. the hows mainly. stuff like what order i learned everything in, what was i exposed to first. did i start with the history of the flute? the basic blowing technique? the notes? i can't recall. so today i ad-libbed and led with small talk. "how's school? did you go swimming yesterday? you look tan." i figured i might as well go with something i know, namely, how to interact with small kids. after that it was a total crapshoot. i was learning just as much about my instructional abilites as she was about the flute.



we spent alot of time in the bathroom. we stared at ourselves in the mirror. me trying to study my lips, her trying to study her lips. this sounds like something on the verge of illegal doesn't it? but we were merely blowing. at first she couldn't make a sound. and i was starting to get worried because i had never tried to teach anyone how to make the sound of a flute before. people who touched my flute either could or couldn't blow into it and make a sound. when i first picked up the flute, i was able to make sounds right away. it's one of my blessings, natural flute lips. but how do you explain that to someone? carrie was trying so hard to make a sound. she was breathing in and out, trying to blow as hard as she could. i stopped her once in awhile to analyze her "technique" but i had nothing really constructive to say other than "keep trying."



i was beginning to think that this would turn out to be a debacle. my first student and i couldn't even get her to make a sound. i didn't know how to get a sound out of her. my preparations had dealt with issues like how to hold the flute, how to read the music, how to learn the notes. i had forgotten that the first thing involved in a wind instrument is wind. luckily she bailed me out and started figuring it out and got a few notes out.



with that small success, my time as a flute teacher had taken on a new meaning. i was ready to instruct. she could make a sound and i could see some sort of progress. i can't say that i was inspired or suddenly motivated to teach more, but it was comforting that we accomplished something in our hour together. i am still not convinced that i should be teaching anyone anything, much less the flute, but her mom insists that i should teach "to the best of my abilities." and so i'll try. it's gonna be interesting to see how far i can go with this. excuse me, how far we can go with this. i'm hoping to take this teaching flute thing semi-seriously but i have this fear that i will soon be exposed as a fraudulent flautist. but then again, i am a fraudulent flautist so i guess it's not that deep.