tomorrow night, i'm going to bible study with victor. it's been awhile since i've actually been to bible study. sophmore year maybe? i'm not going out of any newfound interest in christianity but rather just to expand some more. many of my thoughts about christianity, and organized religion in general, have been based on the experiences from the past few years and i feel like it's about time to re-enter, re-examine, and re-visit that world again.



it's different this time, because i feel less open and more opinionated. before, i was learning and soaking in. now, i have some thoughts and those thoughts have been refuted and challenged by more thoughts. i hope that doesn't carry through in my actions because if i decide to make bible study a weekly thing, i want to be there as a positive influence, and not as some fish swimming backward, inhibiting everyone else's growth process. i have, and never really had, any intention of seeking god, and part of me always wondered if that lack of intention made things for the group more difficult. i'm interested and curious, but not really in god. just in the questions that thinking about god brings up.



i'm not quite entirely sure how to approach christianity again. i'm hoping to learn from it and at the same time, integrate it's topics into my own mind, without having to fight the actual institution or the (perceived) hypocriticalness of it all. i'm not really interested in asking the "why's" anymore....but i'm interested in the mental stimulation of thinking about life, from any perspective. i need to grow man. in every which direction and this may be as good a place to start as any. anyhow, i'm kind of excited to see how it goes.