big huge wooden chairs that have to be crammed right next to each other so that you have to slide out really carefully. or you can sit down by leaping over the top ala the dukes of hazard. the group “aeh!!!” (i can’t duplicate that sound with letters) that greets and announces another latecomer. this is the big chaotic mess that is thirty plus people at pizza house. i think we set new records tonight.



and if we didn’t break records at pizza house, i’m sure we did at karaoke. i think we had maybe twenty two people in a room meant for twelve. we were spilling out of every nook and cranny. highlight song of the night? martin and leslie ripping out alanis’s you oughta know. martin is a super star. leslie has enough angst for half the female population. the couple who owns the place remembered me again. and they remembered george. even though she hasn't been here since probably my junior year. i always feel like they won't remember me but they always do. because i come in about once a year. that's kind of depressing and nice at the same time. years after i've left, i'm still remembered by the karaoke couple.

it's easter sunday and tetris has come back into our lives. i have to get going. like i said. tetris is back in our lives. james has just left the building.

dance mix was pretty much nothing short of amazing. i had my camcorder but i decided that i wanted to pay attention to the performances for once so i just flipped on the nightvision and taped the balcony crowd. led by funKtion, the participant’s corner went nuts all night long (singing along, making silly innane comments, “i see you's”). i think many people thought they were excessively rowdy. or maybe that was just kyle’s sister.



i can’t even really talk about the performances because everyone killed it. dance 2xs killed it. the alumni got soul? crew killed it. funKtion killed it. amit pandya as super diva killed it. eric agustin, editor supreme, killed it with his video retrospective. even the funny asian guy with boomshaka killed it. in his own nerdy asian guy way.



i think i miss the energy surrounding performing. being on stage is cool but that performance moment is always too fast. i miss cheering for friends. loudly. rowdy-ly. most of the memories that stand out in my mind surrounding dance performances are backstage or right before and after a performance.



i love the big group pictures that happen after performances. i like looking at the sea of matching costumes and matching smiles. i wish there had been a chance to get everyone from any time up on stage to take one huge big groove culture picture. that woulda been dope.



oh, and does louis know how to make an entrance or does louis know how to make an entrace? walking in totally unheralded in his big john woo duster. getting a stampede of people rushing down the stairs to greet him. what a bastard. not telling anyone. you too caroline. and greg. and whoever else knew. haha. i love michigan.

re:generation

at the millennial rolling-over point

baby boomer one-time-hippies

turned parents across these United States groan,

"when we said

'you can be anything' we meant

'you can be a brain surgeon or

district attorney or

genetic engineer' -- we

didn't mean you should become

a... poet." [continue]

-marty mcConnell -

back in michigan. again and maybe for the final time. i should learn to stop saying that because i've said "for the final time" at least three times in the past year. i can't really decide if it's a blessing or a curse to be able to come back so much because it just keeps me attached to an irresponsible period of life. staying up all night, sleeping all day, eating over and over. but then again, it's so damn fun! i would've shot myself if i didn't get to come to dance mix.



we ate four times today. in about six hours. pita pit. good time charley's. cafe zola. jimmy john's. at good time charley's we had about a dozen people and it was just an exciting feeling to see so many old people and new people and just......people. afterwards, we went to watch funKtion and the alumni practice at MLB. funKtion is hot. that's it. plain hotness.

apparently, the creators of south park have finally, really, killed off kenny. it's no ploy. it's no joke. kenny has been replaced by a character named butters. "they killed kenny," one of the more tiresome phrases to enter the cultural lexicon, can now be uttered with finality. (and now caroline can erase the kenny picture on her dry erase board). this once again proves that you can only rise from the dead so many times before you never rise again. but you can reach eternity in re-runs. in related errata, this sunday is easter. when jesus arose from his deep slumber. this friday is good friday. when jesus was crucified and entombed. this friday is also dance mix at michigan. an event which will hopefully trigger the death of the last of my pre-reality, post-collegiate fantasies.

a few things i want to do/see. i want to see the guggenheim museum in bilbao, spain. i want to watch "seven samurai" and "rashomon" by the great japanese director, akira kurosawa. i want to read alice in wonderland. i want to jump off a semi-high cliff into the water. maybe. i want to get super rip roaring drunk and do crazy things that i won't remember the next day. i will, at some point in my life, skinny dip in the ocean. on some deserted beach, by myself (with possibly one other person doing it concurrently at a different beach), with no clothes on. thus, the skinny part. i've been inspired by the recent naked excesses of a friend and i think about the thrill of walking into pounding waves fully free and unencumbered. i'll tell you how it goes when it happens. maybe we can have a group freedom session if this first experience goes well. why run naked if you can swim naked?

You know, I’ve been thinking…the tone of the past couple of entries has been kind of cynical. A little vague and a little multi-directional. I don’t think I’m doing enough with my blogs. I’m thinking maybe I should relate some funny anecdotes. Or do some online stand up comedy routines. Maybe a little soft shoe for entertainment purposes. Attention span is hard to maintain nowadays in this post-MTV generation. Maybe I should hire a prominent rapper as my official spokesman. Can’t you see Ma$e rapping for yellowbrickroad.blogspot.com? “Ya’ll don’t wanna mess/ because I impress/ come to the brick/ don’t be a dick/ be dum be dum. (insert Ja Rule raspiness and female hook here for top ten hit)”

posted by The Wizard



I don’t think you even have any funny anecdotes to relate. And you can’t tell a joke to save your life. And I’m not sure what soft shoe is but I’m sure that you’re no good at it. Plus, MaSe is now minus the dollar sign, and he’s Christian, so he probably doesn’t prostrate himself before the masses without religious motivations. What’s wrong with the gig you got going now?

posted by Tin Man



It’s not quite…..bright enough. It’s lacking a certain sparkle. A little bit of that swing. You know?

posted by The Wizard



You don’t need a monkey, just grind the damn organ. By the way, you wouldn't have a problem with selling your integrity for mass acceptance and glory?

posted by Tin Man



No, not at all. My integrity comes cheap. But even at the discounted price there haven’t been very many buyers. Quite frankly, there haven’t been many shoppers, much less buyers.

posted by The Wizard



Then keep on doing what you do. There’s no other way around it.

posted by Tin Man



Once again, I find myself mired in the deep sea of mediocrity.

posted by The Wizard



And this is different from your previous life how?

we need a device that allows you to record your thoughts and transmit them to solid form. then we would have a log of everything that crossed our minds over the course of a day. the energy crisis, world peace, the secret of life, where god lives, the way to millions, the keys to happiness (redundant i realize), have all been solved and forgotten by me in the past. two hours. imagine what you’ve thought about and forgotten. i am going to genetically engineer my child with photographic memory because that is super power enough in this day and age of data consumption. the number of profound and deep, not to mention amusing and witty, thoughts that have crossed my mind during the course of a single shower alone is astounding. and i’m sure it’s the same with everyone. we are all stanford bound jerry seinfeld’s within the confines of our own bathtub. oh wait, we have such a device. it’s called a pencil. not quite as efficient as what i had in mind but it’ll have to do. for now.

Apparently responsibility and consequence go hand in hand. I've figured out what it means to be responsible. Responsibility is making decisions with the consequences in mind. Responsibility is acting with regards to consequences. Responsibility is looking at the big picture. Responsibility is putting aside selfish desires for the good of others. Responsibility is caring about what other people think. Responsibility is doing things and reporting that they're done. Responsibility is getting on other people's asses to finish something. Responsibility is nagging. Responsibility is being on time. Responsibility is paying your own bills. And owning your own medical insurance. Responsibility is the art of seeming capable. Responsibility is growing up. Responsibility is a bitch.

surgery is serious. i have a slim chance of losing all feeling in my leg. i have an even slimmer chance of getting a blood clot somewhere, hopefully not on the way to my brain. i have a slim chance of infection. i have a slim chance of the surgery not working and having to do it all over again. i have a good chance of stiffness. i have a great chance of arthritis. i have a ten percent chance of getting my miniscus repaired. however, it looks like they'll be going in to just rip the sucker right out. i have no shock absorbers in my left knee. not that i jump very high but shock absorbtion might be nice in the future. my tearing is "complicated" and has probably accumulated from the numerous tears over the years. i got to play with the doctor's plastic and rubber knee model to show her what i did. *twist * pop * ow!!!*



if they can repair it, i will be on crutches for five weeks and recovering for three months. if they tear it out, i will be on crutches for two days and i will be fully healed within two weeks. guess which one i want to do? but, by sewing the tear together, i put off arthritis for an extra couple of years. right now my surgery is scheduled for the sixteenth of may. it's been decided for me that i will be in china from next wednesday until early may. one more month of limping around. note however that this secures my trip to michigan!!! my plans have not gone awry.



anyhow, i guess it's nice to get a resolution to what will happen with my knee. did you know that having weak ligaments usually correlates to poor vision? apparently my poor vision isn't from video games but from my genetically weak ligaments. think of the hours of video games i can play while i rehab.

i've just spent the past couple of hours redesigning. for what really? for why? i'll probably change it soon. i could be doing much better things with my day. and yet here i sit, hitting the refresh button over and over to make sure everything works. i have no life. i'm a little scared to call blogging a hobby. i mean, my hobby is writing about myself? how narcis-sick-tic. anyway, it's gone a little above and beyond just a hobby. blogging has become....dare i say it? a passion. once again. i have no life.

the sign on our warehouse door says no soliciting. a few summers ago, when i worked across the street at z57, we were taught to ignore those signs and walk right in with a smile and launch into our selling spiel. granted, working and selling here are relative terms because most of the time i just drove around with jenny listening to loud music and looking for good places to eat or nap.



it's interesting being on this side of the no soliciting sign because when the solicitors inevitably walk in, i immediately get mad annoyed and prepare to cut them off before they can talk. but sometimes i try to give them a second, out of deference for my own experiences. who knows, maybe they are selling something i might actually need or want. like girl scout cookies. selling door to door is just about the most humiliating thing ever. to sell websites to people that don't really need them is the pits. we were told to wear a shirt and tie but i found that dressing up usually implicated us as soon as we walked in the door. there is no harsher reprimand than "no, we don't want any. didn't you see the sign on the door?"



"i'm a solictor" is just a fancy way of saying, "i get rejected alot." apparently, girls come attached with no soliciting signs right out of the womb.

Do you think that stealing stuff is immoral? Is there a line between stealing big things and little things? Grabbing a couple of candies from the grocery store isn't stealing right? I mean, a little five finger discounting here and then might be good.

posted by The Wizard



What's the difference between stealing candies or stealing a car? If you steal something, you stole. Period. A crime is a crime.

posted by Tin Man



You really think so? I mean, if the law is flawed by nature, that means we don't always have to be adamantly within it's limits. For example, the other day, me and a certain female compatriot (name rhymes with fancy but i'm withholding anything else for her protection) moved some little plastic monkeys into another bag so that when we bought one bag, we would get six monkeys instead of three. All this while the original klepto man himself stood by unapprovingly. Is that unlawful?

posted by The Wizard



I would actually categorize that as just rearranging. Getting more for your buck may not actually be stealing. You did buy something after all. It's akin to sticking more hot dog buns into another package to avoid the hot dog-bun equilibrium problem.

posted by Tin Man



So there is a grey area somewhere.

posted by The Wizard



I suppose so. What's the biggest thing you've stolen?

posted by Tin Man



Um. A $3.99 turtle squirt gun from the Imaginarium.

posted by The Wizard



Small timer. Wait till you steal a Porsche, then we'll talk.

posted by Tin Man



Hit me up if you want a rearranged, possibly stolen, plastic monkey. Only three left and they're priced to go.

-i cry-

Sometimes when I'm alone I Cry,

Cause I am on my own.

The tears I cry are bitter and warm.

They flow with life but take no form

I Cry because my heart is torn.

I find it difficult to carry on.

If I had an ear to confiding,

I would cry among my treasured friend,

but who do you know that stops that long,

to help another carry on.

The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.

Then to stop and see what makes one cry,

so painful and sad.

And sometimes...

I Cry

and no one cares about why.

-tupac shakur-

renee zellweger just used profundity in a sentence. wow. i’ve never heard anyone use that on tv. not anywhere in fact. i’m gonna use it next time to sound smart. lots of big important things in the world happened today. the final four was decided. the oscars were doled out. me and adam went from hoodlum to hustler in grand theft auto. like i said, it was a big day. my room still sits totally unkempt and battered. i promised to clean it by monday.



i didn’t get to watch a second of the oscars but i want to watch halle berry’s speech because everyone keeps on talking about how it was “such a moment” and how “i couldn’t stop crying.” what can all the fuss be about? i’m happy for her though because with her win, it means that storm is now an oscar accredited actress for the next x-men movie. hopefully they’ll give her more than two lines. memento got mad robbed. disgusting. as long as i'm talking about movies, i finally watched ghost world the other night with jennifer. i've been waiting to watch this movie for months and while it was quite good, it wasn't as good as i wanted it to be. steve buscemi is great though. actually, most of the movie is good. the ending was just sort of out of place.

my body is acting out of whack. i feel drowsy and sick. but i'm not sick. i think i've been sitting at home for too long. playing video games for extended amounts of time is not helping either. and i haven't eaten anything except for some strawberries. i was supposed to go to church this morning but i didn't get up in time. surprise. this is the worst feeling in the world. i think i'll go smoke it off.

it feels like a lazy sunday. the sun is playing hide and go seek with the clouds so my room is alternately really bright and really dark. it's making me sleepy. but seeing as i just woke up two hours ago, i don't think i should go back to bed yet. that would be wasting a day. my life is too exciting to waste a day. we went out last night to e street and it was alright. we basically ogled people. and danced a lot. after bar dynamite, it just couldn't compare. the music was hip hop but it was way too mainstream for my tastes. we're considering going up to LA or irvine tonight but we're not sure. people are in miami now, probably sun bathing and having fun. i'm determined to do the same here. with or without sun.

the key elements to a good club. in particular order. good music. no cover. good vibe. dope crowd. room to dance. nice ambiance. cheap drinks. low lighting. girls. last night's excursion to bar dynamite with hong, victor and jenta had all the above. in spades. the music was about as good as it gets for me. tribe, common, erykah badu, what have you. there were cheezy dragon paintings on the walls and big red pleather booths lining the sides. i felt like we were in a missy/nelly furtado/ fatboy slim music video for some reason. i can't recommend this place more on a thursday night in san diego. we're going back.

alllooksame.com has a test where they give you eighteen asian people and you figure out which of them are chinese, japanese or korean. pretty interesting and informative. i got an eleven (average is seven), which is "pretty good. you may have a talent." so next time i see you, i have about a sixty percent chance of figuring out what you are. assuming you're chinese, japanese or korean.

realization: nothing great comes out of the middle class. as a whole, and speaking very generally, we are too complacent. there is no drive. no desire to change the world. (ex that, no functional desire to change the world). we have no horses bearing down on us, threatening to trample us. we work to make our lives happier and more comfortable, not better. or right. we streamline ourselves for individual happiness and turn blinders on to the things that are broader in scope. great men rarely emerge from the middle class. successful is different than great. without great passion we are doomed to live an insignificant life. repeated by millions of others doing exactly the same thing. only in a different color. we are the white middle class suburban kids who buy rap music. we fight no great fights because to us, there are no great fights. we scream only when we’re poked. and not on general principle. we're easily amused. easily entertained. easily placated. we lack motivation. we lack vision. our goal is removal from the mainstream, yet here we are, in the mainstream. we’re americans.



substitute all singulars for plurals if need be.

So……you don’t have a soul right?

posted by The Wizard



Nope.

posted by Tin Man



Do I have a soul?

posted by The Wizard



Conventionally speaking, yes you do.

posted by Tin Man



How do I know I have a soul?

posted by The Wizard



Because you’re a product of society. So you have a soul.

posted by Tin Man



And that makes me special?

posted by The Wizard



It makes you alive. I think.

posted by Tin Man



So what exactly does a soul do?

posted by The Wizard



Who knows what a soul does. Perhaps it makes you warm and fuzzy.

posted by Tin Man



How is it not having a soul?

posted by The Wizard



Quite frankly, I really can’t tell the difference.

posted by Tin Man



How can I be sure that I have a soul then…if I can’t tell the difference either?

posted by The Wizard



Well. If having a soul makes you unique and eternal, doesn’t that make you happy?

posted by Tin Man



I suppose.

posted by The Wizard



Then believe in your soul.

posted by Tin Man



I should believe in my soul because it makes me happy?

posted by The Wizard



Precisely.

posted by Tin Man



I wouldn’t be delusional? I should just take as truth the things that make me happy?

posted by The Wizard



Exactly.

posted by Tin Man



That makes things much easier.

posted by The Wizard



Doesn’t it?

spring. flowers blossom, love blossoms. life should blossom. i could use today, the first day of spring, as a symbolic turning point in my life. turning a new page. flipping over a new leaf. whatever that means. i remember three years ago, as a junior, telling someone that i was on the path to a new page. and here, three years later, i’m saying it again. i’m good at that. saying things that i don’t really mean. or mean but never really do.



i received a semi lecture from my mom this morning about the responsibilities that i now have. about the responsibilities that i shirk on a daily basis. about how nobody can really determine what i do and how i do it. about how as i get involved in the business, i am in a position that can be easily abused. no one will keep me in check. no one will reprimand me. no one will hover over me watching my every action and mis-action. except me. yet, i drag my feet every day and arrive to work late every day, all in principled denial of the responsibilities that i am not yet willing to take. i have to prove myself to everyone but i don’t want to do it yet. not until i’m mentally ready. i want to put off life for just another two weeks. or three. or four.



five months ago i mentally prepared myself for this and i was ready to do anything. fearing anything. but now i come up with every selfish excuse to delay things. but i don’t really care because i believe in selfishness. whole heartedly. today is my parent’s twenty second wedding anniversary. i’m twenty three and i’ve done nothing all day. the first day of spring.

some of this is true. some of it is not. i think. amazing what u can discern from picking colored cubes.



at this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. for every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. you may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. you are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - if you don't give up. so consciously make the effort... you have that inherent power to succeed.



being impulsive and irritable, your desires and needs are paramount. you do things with insufficient thought - with little regard to the consequences that may follow. as a consequence of this attitude, you may be experiencing stress and conflict.



for some time now it would seem that you have been frustrated and emotionally inhibited. the circumstances which appear to be beyond your control are making it very difficult for you to develop the detached emotional attitude that you seek.



nobody seems to understand you at this moment for everything you suggest or do seems to be taken up the wrong way. all of this misunderstanding is leading to anxiety and stress. the situation naturally is not as you would like it to be - you feel that you are being treated most unfairly and that trust, affection and understanding are being withheld from you and that you are being treated with a demeaning lack of consideration. you consider yourself being denied the appreciation essential to your well being and self-esteem and that there is nothing you can do about it. you feel that whatever you try to do to change the situation, you are getting nowhere fast. you would really like to get away from it all but can't find the energy or the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.



the tensions and stresses that you are experiencing at this time are, you feel, beyond your capabilities or your reserves of strength to cope with. you feel inadequate and in a constant state of anxiety.you are attempting to escape from this situation into a secure environment in which you may be permitted to relax and recover, free from outside interference.

the orange light vanishes just as quickly as it appears. i missed it the first time so now i have to stare at it to make sure it was really there and not just a reflection of the road. oop. there it is again. longer this time. but then it slowly fades. i'm starting to think this isn't a false alarm. i keep the light in the corner of my eye and start doing some math in my head. maybe the light will go away if i move faster. damn. it's still there. bright as a signal beacon. i need gas. i have no money. i coast in neutral in an attempt to conserve every last drop. i made it. obviously. tomorrow morning could prove to be interesting.



somewhere a rabbit family is mourning. i'm pretty sure i killed a bunny on the way home. a bunny in the prime of his life. a fuzzy blossom viciously cut down by my super traction tires. maybe if he was lucky i only clipped him. but "clipped" is a relative term at sixty miles an hour. in my defense, it was dark and i tried to swerve. i'm unwilling to look at my tires for traces of blood because i intend to declare unintentional rabbit-slaughter. i'm actually surprised this kind of stuff doesn't happen more often with the proliferation of bunnies tempting fate every night. better a bunny than a moose i say.

Buddha swore off all material things and chose to toss aside his princely privileges and lead a life of suffering. I think my complete inability to bear suffering of any kind keeps me from pursuing Buddhism. That and a fundamental distrust and fear of organized religion. I sometimes dream of wandering the earth, with no material possessions, in an attempt to find enlightenment. But then I think about all the CDs that I would have to bring in order to remain sane and I realize that my eventual enlightenment will have to be accompanied by a soundtrack.

posted by The Wizard



I somehow doubt that Buddha swore much.

posted by Tin Man



You never know. Perhaps he was a foul mouthed spiritual man. It’s only an oxymoron based on preference and prejudice.

posted by The Wizard



I personally think that swearing tends to add character.

posted by Tin Man



Fuck. Shit. Asshole. Bugger.

posted by The Wizard



Nice try.

the weather of the world is going schizo. i blame it all on el nino. ever since that summer or whatever it was, the temperature here in san diego has been less than perfect. don’t get me wrong, i’m not really complaining. most of the time we still have beautiful clear skies and plenty of sunshine but it seems like every time i’m back here, the weather sucks. i haven’t been to the beach yet. it was frighteningly cold yesterday and on the drive home, it started raining big fat drops all over the place. i can’t stop shivering. offices are cold. especially big drafty warehouses doubling as offices.



on the flip side of all this craziness is that england and new york weren’t all that cold when i visited. someone is messing with the weather and it’s making life unpredictable and slightly depressing. if you can’t count on sunshine and warmth in southern california, what can you count on?

the plan saturday was to go to a spot called voodoo but it turned out to be closed so we went to monte cristo instead on mikey’s recommendations. good call. as soon as we walked in i was feeling the place because the music was good and the place had a nice crowd. basically, we just bopped around for a couple hours and downed beer. saw johnny from the now defunct kai there. hong tried to go against the dress code and wear in his ratty sneakers and jeans so we had to wait for him to change into some sensible black shoes. the always hard to find grace even came out with us tonight. i personally had quite a good time because finally the music was pretty acceptable the whole night long.



afterwards, we went to garden to eat. well, actually, we tried to go to garden to eat. victor had a little much to drink and he secretly and quietly started puking while we were sitting there eating. nobody noticed for awhile and then suddenly we were trying to take him outside to avoid further repercussions. as victor unloaded the liquid contents of his belly, me and james cleaned his shoes for him because puke on nice shoes is a no-no. we took our food to go and after dropping off grace in her boonie land apartment in san gabriel, we went back to ucla to finish eating. ended up staying awake until like six talking with susan and ana (and victor when he surprisingly woke up).



sunday was a quick bbq at ryan’s house in irvine and a tired trip back down to sd. that's it. nice weekend. long weekend. but excellent on all fronts. oh, and bought my tickets to michigan today (thanks george! you're the best twin sister i've ever had).

had a loooong weekend up in LA. fun packed. tiring. and very satisfying. didn’t plan on going up there until saturday but hong needed to drop off some of his work at a company at irvine and seeing as it was a friday, he needed a sucker to sit in the carpool lane with him. so, he called me and off we went with a trunk full of scattered clothing. i think i bring too much crap up for a few days because i know we have a car and so i bring everything i think i might possibly need. clothes, two pairs of shoes, jacket, cds, big pink blanket, books, camera, hair spray, the whole works. i end up using only half the stuff and just dragging everything around.



on friday, it was sausage fest with me, hong, victor and mikey at a korean bar, pointe. it was a decently nice place but kind of weird because it felt like we were in a big cafeteria, staring down all the other people sitting in and around us. drank korean beer (hite, which tastes just like bud…real crappy) and soju. i haven’t had soju since this summer and the aftertaste reminded me too much of puking in kyle’s car so i had to stop. no more soju. forever. the night wasn’t a total dud because mikey got off work and came by to regale us with a couple of his stories. ate korean food before and after the bar so in memorium this nite will forever be dubbed as our immersion into korean culture.

Do you think you can ever trully totally know another person?

posted by The Wizard



Ugh. Why would you want to? Doesn’t your head hurt enough trying to get to know yourself?

posted by Tin Man



Well, yeah, but knowing yourself is kind of a never-ending process. At certain points however, you feel like you do reach a point where you do know yourself. Can you do that with other people? Know them inside and out?

posted by The Wizard



Well, I think you can I guess. Know someone I mean. I think you can figure out a person’s motivations by talking to them, or by observing them and interpreting their actions. People always have a reason for doing things and I think it’s quite possible to know somebody well enough so that you can define their motivation(s).

posted by Tin Man



But talking to people and observing them is superficial isn’t it? What people say and what they do is only a reflection of what they want to show to people. I mean, I could talk to you all day long and you could ask me millions of questions but at the end of the day, it’s only what I’ve chosen to respond to that forms your judgement.

posted by The Wizard



Yeah, but I think people reveal much more than they want to. Over an extended amount of time, it’s hard to always put on the “good” face. People will eventually see you…..warts and all…..as a friend used to say. Isn’t it funny how friends are often able to characterize us, and describe us, while we mostly stand around groping in the dark?

posted by Tin Man



You don’t think that’s because friends tend to simplify things?

posted by The Wizard



Well, not really. If anything, sometimes what a friend says is closer to the truth because people tend to twist their own actions and motivations so that they can live with the consequences. Friends don’t have to do that. In that way, I think friends are usually pretty non-partisan.

posted by Tin Man



I dunno. I still kind of think that there is always a side of you that nobody else will ever fully know. No one can enter into the thoughts of another person fully enough to ever totally understand them.

posted by The Wizard



I don’t think a person can predict what you might do or think about every stupid little thing out there but I think generally speaking, it’s within the realm of possibility to completely figure out what drives a person to be the way they are.

posted by Tin Man



I’m getting tired. This is a little too much for me. What time do you usually go to bed?

posted by The Wizard



Well, I would have to say, probably a few minutes after you go to bed.

posted by Tin Man



Oh. That’s comforting.

during our four hour tour of the fashion valley mall, we passed by a store with live mannequins. two girls stood in the windows. very still. very posed. at first i thought these were just normal mannequins (they do make some damn good ones these days, ask hong about the ones with the post-molded sticker nipples) but they weren’t. mind this was a thursday night and there weren’t that many people at the mall. how can it be economically effective to have live mannequins? i hope it was just a practical joke. as we lounged next door in the sharper image, i watched people walking by laughing and pointing. what an insane job. live mannequins. what will they think of next? the mall is a fun place to waste time.

it’s been a hundred years or so (correct me if i’m wrong here) since henry ford cranked out the first model-t. since then, cars have gotten bigger, better, cleaner and much much faster. but, they still run on gas. i’ve been wondering if this is right. one of those conspiracies that everyone talks about is how car companies and oil magnates suppress knowledge of alternate fuels so that they can stay rich. i think there was a movie about this. i think it was with will smith but i know i’m wrong.



i find it a little hard to fathom the idea that there hasn’t been successful work on alternate fuels in the last century. or alternate forms of transportation even. sure, we’re getting some electric cars and some hybrids and stuff like that but only because we, as a public, are finally responding to the ecological cost of fossil fuels. the men in power have to start doling out some alternatives.



also, would it be fair to say that cars can be made to last much longer? obviously, if a car never breaks down, companies don’t make any money on repairs and parts, so it makes economic sense to create products that aren’t quite indestructible. and with the continual evolution of engines and technologies, i have to think that there have been huge advances that are being slowly doled out so that companies can keep their grip on the money pouring out of our pockets. every year we get an extra ten horsepower. whoopee. maybe i’m wrong (maybe one of you engineer people can explain this) but i would expect certain technological jumps every now and then. there must be a car conspiracy out there. nothing else makes sense.



oh, i just went to jiffy lube and got my oil changed for thirty dollars. and the driver’s side door closes with an empty metallic thump. and there’s a weird smell of paint/gas in my car.

Just keep your faith in me

Don't act impatiently

You'll get where you need to be, in due time

Even when things are slow

Hold on and don't let go

I'll give you what I owe, in due time



Strugglin's just a part of my day

Many obstacles have been placed in my way

I know the only reason that I make it through

Is because I never stop believin in you

Some people wonder why we here in the first place

They can't believe because they ain't never seen your face

But even when you pray, the next day you gotta try

Can't wait for nobody to come down out the sky

You've got to realize that the world's a test

You can only do your best and let Him do the rest

You've got your life, and got your health

So quit procrastinatin and push it yourself

You've got to realize that the world's a test

You can only do your best and let Him do the rest

You've got your life, and got your health

So quit procrastinatin...

-outkast, in due time-

kristin kreuk is on the cover of rolling stone and ym. i picked up the rolling stone one but i can’t find the ym one (but i saw it in passing on the street). so, anyone have a spare copy? because i know everyone bought one.

I have a revelation for a new lifestyle plan. It’s called the ten percent plan. In an effort to find a way to increase productivity while having increased time for recreational activities, i’ve found a simple yet sure fire way of ensuring the success of both goals. We will work to gain ten percent of our day back. In a twenty four hour day, that would mean 2.4 hours a day could be ours again. How are we going to do this? Simple. By doing everything ten percent faster. Or by cutting everything we do by ten percent.

posted by Tin Man



I don’t get it Tony! That sounds impossible! How are you going to do it?!? (overly exaggerated look of excitement here)

posted by The Wizard



It's easy, let me show you. Takes you an hour to eat? Eat in fifty four minutes. Shower in five minutes? Shower in four point five. Your internet surfing lasts for eight hours straight? Cut it by an hour and twenty minutes. Spend hours on the freeway? Drive ten percent faster (check with your local authorities on this one first). The new movie you’re watching is three hours long? Walk out twenty minutes before it ends. Or better yet, skip the whole preview part and save time there. Magically, as you gradually accumulate ten percents, you will have an extra 2+ hours of your life to do with as you please.

posted by Tin Man



Wow, that is amazing! Don’t you think that’s amazing audience? (clap here)

posted by The Wizard



Think of what you could accomplish with an extra two hours a day. You could read a book, write a letter, save a tree, take a nap…..the possibilities are endless. This plan is sure to increase your happiness and your productivity. At the end of the day you’ll feel like you’ve cheated the twenty four hour clock. All I need to market this is a catchy slogan. Someone help me.

posted by Tin Man



“Ten to win!!!”

posted by The Wizard



That’s not really all that catchy. That doesn’t even rhyme.

posted by Tin Man



Shut up, I only gave it ninety percent of my thinking power.

the ps2 is back in my life. i brought it back from new york mainly for the entertainment purposes of adam so today we sat around for hours “testing” it. you know, to make sure it still works. i left behind one of the special ps2 controllers so i can’t play ssx with two people. but nba street works just fine and we sat in front of my tv for many hours today.



here’s a video game story: a few summers ago, when jimmy and victor worked at horton plaza together, they had a span of a week or something when they just sat on jimmy’s couch and played n64 for days on end. jimmy’s parents were gone so nobody was in the house and i vividly remember walking in on the two zombies, with their hair askew and their shorts and their wifebeaters on. i dared not ask when they last showered. they were in a state of video game bliss and outside of a few life essentials like eating and bathrooming, they were attached to that couch. yeah, i was jealous.



one has to wonder what the purpose of playing tons of video games is, but then again, what is the purpose of spending inordinate amounts of time on useless things in general? pleasure right? trying to become the best street fighter player or the best video game player achieves absolutely nothing but damn it’s fun. i miss tetris.



while i’m here, let me relate another incredible video game marathon story. louis, the first day we got the new tetris, played for maybe twelve hours straight. we were pretty hardcore tetris-ing but louis was in front of that tv for so many shifts that his eyes eventually started to wear out. that explains why he’s so damn good at it now but i think we should not admire his tetris skills but rather his intense dedication to the game. go sweetone.

so i went to the doctor today to get the results from my mri and the results were good. i have some serious cartilage damage. tearing to be exact. i saw each level of my knee and silently rejoiced at seeing the little cracks in my cartilage. i don't think chinese turd medicine can fix torn cartilage. we may need surgery. yah! my appointment with the surgeon is the twenty sixth, two weeks from now. this means that i should be in the states for at least until april-ish. this means that if funding goes well, i'm buying my ticket to dance mix and i'm gonna go rain or shine. barring any catastrophic changes in plan.



and if i'm really lucky, when je-yi comes out to USC in early april, i'll be around too. what a great day!

thomas kinkade. does his name sound familiar? i’m sure you would recognize his art. it is hawked in malls across the country and on qvc shows. i never really thought about what his art was about but i read an article about him in usa today and realized the perverse extent to which artists like him have destroyed “art.”



he makes manufactured drivel. literally. he doesn’t just crank out numerous similar items, he actually manufactures the same painting over and over. using a process he perfected, he creates an original piece of art that is mechanically mass produced, much like a poster, and then sends it to “highlight artists” (asian and hispanic hourly workers) who slobber paint over the prints in a by-the-colors method. then he sells the reproductions for upwards of ten thousand dollars. is this not disgusting?



he flogs his paintings like cans of soup and calls it art. worst of all, he says that he is divinely inspired. “well, it was almost as if god became my art agent. he basically gave me ideas. and one of the foundational ideas he gave me was a way to create multiple forms of art that looked like the original, but weren’t just a poster.” people snap this up. five million paintings sold since 1989. his paintings are idyllic and peaceful. they are quite nice, in certain respects. but the whole process is sick and demeaning.



what am i objecting to really? do as you do. make money however you can. but something in me is just fundamentally repulsed by this blend of manufactured crap posing as art on night lights, cups, plates and everything imaginable. go see some of his stores, you can’t miss it. there are 360 thomas kinkade galleries nationwide. he calls himself the “heir apparent to warhol.” he says that he is the “most american of painters.” and he’s right. in a puke inducing way. i feel sorry for painters and artists everywhere who have to struggle to be recognized, who have to struggle to be real, to push boundaries. i feel sorry for the starving dreamers who are snuffed out by the status quo of “oh wow, that’s really pretty! and it’s signed! by someone i saw at the mall!!!”



thomas kinkade is the boy band of the artistic world.

today was just about the greatest food day ever. we did nothing else but eat. not remarkable of course since most of the time we do nothing but eat but today we ate well. really well. first off, we (les, vivian, melissa) went to the soup nazi on 55th and broadway. i've been wanting to go for two years but we've never gone. needless to say, the food was amazing. expensive but really really good. i had the seafood bisque and it was eleven bucks for a small but we got a little baggie with bread, fruits and a chocolate so it was well worth it. the guy looked mean. really mean. and he pointed you along after you put your money down. it's pretty fun, even for the stupid little thrill of saying "i've been to the soup nazi!"



after a short break, we went to mcdonald's for a little desert. fruit parfait for me and cookies and ice cream for leslie. gerard had a guy drop weights on him at the gym when he was trying to get spotted so his arms and chest were all sore but he braved the pain to come hang out with us. the big planned excursion for corn at cafe habana went off without a hitch. corn? how good can corn possibly be? damn good i tell you. if you're even a remote fan of corn, you have to try this stuff. it's grilled corn with parmesan cheese or something, served with some chili powder and some lime juice. it is quite frankly amazing.



to polish all this off, we went to get some malaysian at nyonya. mango chicken. pad thai. coconut rice. yam rice. pineapple rice served in a bamboo thing. succulent pork. hainan chicken. indian roti and curry dip. and on and on. we originally thought we had ordered way too many dishes but we ended up polishing everything up pretty good. we restaurant hopped all day. and it was much cheaper than going out clubbing. and much more satisfying. i think food is the only thing that brings continued enjoyment, time after time, without fail. without food......we would die.......brilliant.

Are there sometimes when you just have to let go? I mean, I think I have a tendency to hold onto people as long as possible. I don’t want to ever lose anyone or to be further away from them than is necessary. But I’ve realized that you can only spread yourself so thin because at a certain point, you break. Or you forget, or fade, or even worse, stagnate.

posted by The Wizard



I don’t think you have to let go. Although something must be said for the constraints of the twenty four hour day.

posted by Tin Man



Don’t you think that as life goes on, some people are just meant to be transitionary? I mean, some people just drift in and out of life, having expanded your life, but then you both move on in different directions.

posted by The Wizard



Given enough synergy, a relationship never dies.

posted by Tin Man



Um, yeah. Right. Maybe in a hypothetical sense but people do lose their sense of togetherness after a certain point. When do you give up and gather your losses and come back to fight another day?

posted by The Wizard



What the hell are you talking about?

posted by Tin Man



I have no idea. I thought we were talking about friends and relationships and stuff?

posted by The Wizard



Who’s retreating and why are you fighting in the first place?

posted by Tin Man



I dunno. Let’s go to sleep.

posted by The Wizard



Stop hitting on me. I don’t like it.

posted by Tin Man



..................

posted by The Wizard



I kill myself.

posted by Tin Man



If only.

did you watch the 9.11 program on CBS last night? with the footage of the WTC falling down? from the inside? it was pretty crazy. we were going to watch lauryn hill unplugged and play cranium but we couldn't switch the channel. hearing the people crash down to their deaths was pretty nuts. watching the heroism of the firemen was humbling. "one fireman carrying sixty pounds of gear takes one minute to ascend each flight of stairs." the crash was eighty plus flights up. how many firemen were lost climbing those stairs?



it's been six months and the world is remarkably changed. we're at war. does anyone else feel guilty for not really doing anything? for not really knowing enough? for not even really caring about the most earth shattering event that is likely to happen in our lives? then again, in my defense, it's been a long six months. but it's still a little shameful to feel kind of blase about the whole thing. and to be kind of cynical about the constant barrage of nine eleven news and events. hum.....

we had a bubble blowing contest. in an alley between a k-mart and a bank. we tried to stay out of the wind and out of sight. little kids were roller blading near us. but we ignored them because we were blowing bubbles. big bubbles. well, not really. only louis and leslie were blowing big bubbles. me and greg were kind of failing. and je-yi wasn't even producing anything that could rightfully be deemed "a bubble." we bought big hunks of strawberry bubblicious and chewed until our jaws hurt. then we tried to blow big bubbles to impress each other and to win the coveted title of "biggest bubble gum bubble blower." awe inspiring title isn't it?



leslie is a bubble shark. louis has a big mouth and is full of hot air so it was no surprise that he was a big bubble blower. but leslie was really good at it. and when we increased bubblicious consumption to two pieces each, she could exhale into her bubble and make it sound like she was blowing helium into a balloon. pretty cool. you should ask her to do it. in the end, me and greg finally started to get some decent sized bubbles but it was too late because we were walking and nobody cared anymore because there were free hot dogs and pudding snacks by madison square garden. this was quite possibly the most fun thirty minutes i've had in quite awhile.

clubbing is getting a tad staid. i love it but at the same time, i'd mostly rather just sit at home and play scrabble or something. then again, going out in LA has been fun. and friday night was pretty good. we went to some lounge place and the decor was nice and i had a tad too much to drink (two shots, two beers, one tequila sunrise. my tolerance sucks) so my head hurt like crazy on the way home but i had a good time seeing everyone and chatting away. mikey song was out here for the nite so that was unexpected fun. i'm jealous of everyone who is out here. but then again, i'm not really wishing that i could be out here. so i guess i'm content.



one thing i realize is that being in new york is much more work orientated. life revolves around the workplace and it seems to dominant everything. and everyone hates it. i'm not sure if it's just because of the people in san diego or because of some sort of difference (probably because half of us in SD don't work. haha.) but we never talk about work at all. work is nine to five and then we do whatever afterwards. work in new york is like a twelve hour ordeal taking into account traveling and eating and relaxing. then again, everyone in new york is doing jobs that require lots of crazy hours. i don't know what i'm trying to say.



anyhow, last night we went to metronome with a grip of people. brian, ally, greg, louis, vivian, leslie, je-yi, carol, winnie, angie, lynn, gerard, randall, winnie, joyce, joyce's sister, other random peoples. the music was nice, mostly. there were lots of girls. lots of girls. going out in new york, the major difference is that the crowd is not 70% male. bonus. then again, it means that if you go out with just guys, you don't get in. good thing we know girls. thanks girls. main observation of the night, girls who wear cool hats get an extra half point.

i'm in new york now. it feels different. almost exciting. but not. you know that initial surge of excitement you get when you go somewhere? i had that for about five seconds coming out of the train station onto 33rd street. then i dragged my bag down a block in the wrong direction and i started to think "i need a car." i suppose new york is nice enough when it's warm but then i start thinking about all the subways and all the people i get really fed up again. vivian and greg were at leslie's apartment when i walked in so it was nice to see them right off the bat.



it's somehow sad yet reassuring when after the initial five minutes of, "hi, how are you? what are you doing?" is over, the feeling of never having left a place returns. i think everyone is so used to people jetting in and out of their lives that to see people is exciting but also not a REALLY BIG deal. i remember leaving for college, or leaving the first couple of times from michigan back to san diego, that feeling of "i'm not gonna see these people again for weeks or even months!" now, it's just a quick "when you coming back? cool." i guess that's what makes things the most comfortable. no fanfare, just realignment with the natural order of hanging out.

Argument for the existence of free will:



According to the FBI, 61% of rape victims are under the age of 19, and 29% are younger than 11. One out of every four women are sexually molested by an adult before she was 19, and it’s one out of every ten for men. Only one tenth of child sexual abuse cases are believed to be reported to law enforcement. Pedophilia. What the fuck? Stuff like this kind of almost makes you want to believe that men are inherently bad.

i think i've proved myself a bit this past week. to my uncles, to whoever is keeping an eye out for me. they worry about my laziness, my lack of dedication. is it wrong to want to ease into things? i dont want to make THIS my life yet. i don't think there is enough in the flute industry, the business industry, to make me feel complete or challenged. making money is good. getting better is good. growing up is good. fighting a never ending war and slowly dying by mental stagnation is not.

fellas, ever wonder if you have "church game or real world game?" girls, are you sheebie? asians versus aZianZ? want to learn how to IM your way towards a date? go read scott's plans and get one man's answers to the questions that have bugged men and women through the ages. (thanks to meesh)

in trying to explain the male gender to a friend a while back, i happened to utter these words, "whenever a guy talks to you, the only thing he really wants to know is.....do you have a boyfriend?" not brilliant of course because this is an obvious statement. but i have to extend my previous statement to include that "whenever anyone first talk talks to you, the only thing they want to know is if you have a boy/girlfriend."



this could be out of pure curiousity but 80% of the time, it is for personal gain. by asking this simple question, the dynamics of a conversation can change dramatically. sometimes, people whip it out early, to set the tone. sometimes, they try to slip it in after you've already had some good conversation. sometimes, in an uncomfortable silence, you bust it out just to clear the air because by asking this question you open up a whole new area of conversation, good for at least another ten minutes. a bonus here is that by talking about "relationships" you're guaranteed a decent talk and you feel like this person has "let you in."



the whole world is scamming. don't lie. don't deny. the only difference is to what degree. what happens in the generic male's mind when this question is answered is that the girl is immediately "available" or "not available." this fact subtly changes things. if things have been going well and the answer is, "yes i have a boyfriend," then a guy silently curses. if the answer is: (1) no, i don't (2) sort of (3) not really (4) yes i do and he's far far away, then the conversation continues as before and the guy starts to pay more attention. nothing really matters to a male besides, "boyfriend or no?"



i personally deny this innate curiousity. i've decided that i will try to avoid asking this question in any circumstance. it seems trite. i'd rather let the dark cloud of "do you have a girlfriend" hang over a conversation forever. using this question to gain more conversation or more knowledge seems too....whats the word.....i don't know. i want to let the mystery drag on and on. why not wait to ask when the question is actually relevant? then again, some people might argue that the question is relevant as soon as you meet someone. i think i just defeated my own argument. i just pulled a gaga.

Hypothetically, if you were the last male member of your family, are you obligated to have children?

posted by The Wizard



Well, hypothetically and realisitically, you shouldn't be obligated to do anything. Do you not want children?

posted by Tin Man



Well, let's put that one aside for a moment. Don't you think that if, hypothetically, you were the last male capable of passing on the family name, you have a certain duty to procreate? For the sake of extending the family name and as a show of respect to your ancestors?

posted by The Wizard



That must be a great pick up line. "Hey! My ancestors NEED you in my life. I don't even like you much! It's out of respect for them!!!" No wonder you're single.

posted by Tin Man



There's potentially millions of reasons why i'm single. We'll put that one aside for the moment too. We digress. It's not all that important to continue the family line in my view, but hypothetically, you think this kind of thing should be a consideration when deciding to have kids?

posted by The Wizard



I think the most important consideration is if you want kids. If you don't, having them for the sake of carrying on the family line seems a little archaic. Not to mention pathetic. Why not just let one of your female siblings have kids and preserve the family name that way? I have a friend whose last name is different then the rest of her family's because she preserved her grandmother's maiden name. What's the difference if the spawn is from a male or female?

posted by Tin Man



I don't know. Tradition i guess. I just thought that maybe if one were hypothetically swinging between pro-kids or con-kids, this might be a big issue.

posted by The Wizard



Well, i guess if you want the family name to extinguish with your paltry flame, never have kids. If you want to pass your inadequate genes onto another generation, be my guest.

posted by Tin Man



You're so damn helpful.

posted by The Wizard



Kids used to call me "problem solver" in middle school.

posted by Tin Man



Funny, adults call you "*$@!!*&" now.

posted by The Wizard



Well, that's better than being called......

posted by Tin Man



Stop. Please.

it's warm. it's gooey. it makes you want to puke. you can't get enough. i feel sick. oh the glories of the brownie bowl.

the magical powers of a business suit. you stand up straighter, you feel older, you behave a little better...then you look into the mirror and realize that your shoulders are too large (damn pads), your head's too small (damn head), your tie's too short (damn not knowing how to tie a tie). the list goes on. suddenly you realize that you're tapping your pen at a frenetic pace. you hope that no one else is noticing the little cartoon heads drawn into the margins. you try to turn them into flute diagrams. you now have really complex scribbles with eyes. you fight the urge to bust a big yawn. *blink*blink*



everyone else was introduced as a mister. mr yang. mr hwang. mr wu. jonathan. nobody calls me jonathan except for school teachers and lynnchen. ha. how do you make small talk to businessmen? where are you from? how long have you been here? where did you go to school? mba at harvard? wow, that musta been um....difficult. go you. do you watch smallville? haha, yeah, me neither, who has time for TV nowadays?



what's that ring on your thumb for? i just forgot to take it off when i took off my four earrings. "oh, nothing."

in the style of Salt-N-Pepa



Let's talk about [insert any topic here], baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about all the good things

And the bad things that may be

when you get served shots in little paper cups, you know the spot is gonna be good. can we say house party? we went to this event called firecracker, located at the golden star restaurant in LA’s chinatown and it was a dope ass time. contrary to last week, everyone got together really early and we got into the club at around ten-ish. the flier said “funk soul hiphop jazz house." eclectic. upon entry you received a little betty boop handstamp for paying ten dollars and from there, the night just got better and better. the vibe was really cool because the people were all pretty chill and it wasn’t a typical “LA crowd” at all. downstairs was supposed to be live jazz band but they hardly played. it was near empty when we first got there but with plenty of sofas we lounged around for a sec. the corona came in cans. whut? i’ve never seen corona in cans. altogether not that amazing on the grand scale of things but i was getting a big kick out of corona in cans. it was a challenge squishing that big fat lime into the mouthpiece. one of the bartenders was a chinese mom and hong maybe had to ask her for “two adios motherfuckers…….please.” ha.



this was one of those perfect buzz nights. when the buzz comes really early and you’re kind of giddy for no particular reason at all. everybody was dancing and drinking and just enjoying the place. the music wasn’t quite hip hop and i really can’t describe it but it was alrite. if it had been a little more mainstream i woulda given this place a total A-plus but the music was “interesting.” anyway, that perfect buzziness never left until right before we had to drive off to eat in monterey park. excellent timing.



oh, and there were famous people! dancing with us!!! in the same circle!!! whoa!!! famous people dance in circles too? you betcha. actually, it was just two famous people and the rest of us adoring fans trying to look cool and not freak out, yet get close enough to say, “we danced in the same circle with kirsten dunst and tony from no doubt!” and if you were victor you could say, “i danced so close to kirsten dunst that she knocked her elbow into my eye and then said sorry!!!” tony’s short. kirsten dunst is cute. in a “i’m really famous and i’m high on weed so i’ll just do my cute white girl thing and bob around” kind of way. she was wearing this fuzzy beret that quite enhanced her appeal. and she’s famous. and she’s gonna be mary jane in spiderman. come to think of it, after being a cheerleader in Bring It On, i expected a little more rhythm. but hey, that's why she's an actress. additionally, we saw sway from mtv out in the parking lot. this was quite easily the most star studded night in my LA clubbing experience.



top all this off with sushi, jamba juice and didi riese this afternoon and i can fly off to boston a happy man.

While we’re on the subject of turds and related errata. This guy is apparently a bread. So all this time I’ve been wrong. He’s a hell of a lot funnier as a walking poop though.

Do you ever feel like you’re just a derivative? Like even as you stand in full Technicolor glory, there’s someone out there who makes you look like a pale irrelevant shadow? This doesn’t even have to be a specific someone, just a conception that somewhere out there, is the original of you and here you stand, a flimsy fax copy. Originality is perhaps the most endangered of traits. There is not just one of you but many multiples of you. People are unique but only in their (sometimes) original combinations of unoriginal facets. How many people have been true trailblazers? Purely original? Ever had an original idea? Me neither. My mind is a derivative of all that I have read and all that I have heard.



Challenge me to say something original. I don’t know if I can do it. But the thing is, that’s okay. People are content to just be as one. Mass communications fight us every day for our attention spans and our opinions. The world is starting to get too big too fast and our minds are suffering. Original thought is hardly even rejected nowadays because it is hardly ever conceived. We are all trying to either subvert the paradigm or flow with it. The sad thing is, I don’t know if I can think of anything fundamentally wrong with that. Or how to fight against it. How dark is the day when you realize you’re just a second-hander?

lynnchen thinks i’m a little claustrophobic. i don’t think i’m that particularly. i think i’m people-phobic. tight elevators, stadiums, big parties, stuff like that. at my MRI yesterday i was perfectly fine, although i did wonder how far into the machine i would go. getting an MRI is kind of exciting. it’s a big step up from an x-ray and it kind of legitimizes my injury. “yes, i am hurt, get me some coffee. and some food.” the machine is huge and it sits in a stale room at the back of scripps hospital. there were hardly any patients or technicians there because my appointment was late at nite and i felt like i owned the place. it was great. i tried to imagine myself as a big sports star, lying in the bed, with giant magnetic imagers pummeling me from all sides. i looked at the pictures of junior seau and various padres on the walls. i was one of them. then i realized that the machine i was in was a little one. the entry hole was too small for anybody other than big children and small women. and me apparently. football players evidently get special MRI machines. ah well. another sports dream shattered.



the chinese paste turned into chinese turd. really hard chinese turd. trying to get it off my knee was infinitely more painful than getting two hepatitis shots the other day. the stupid thing dried out and attached to every single one of my leg hairs. all twenty of them. going slowly was yielding low results so i contemplated just yanking it off like a band aid. then i thought better of it, wisely realizing that walking around in the summers with one hairless knee for the rest of my life was probably not overly attractive. in the end, i had to soak the turd in hot water and slowly rub it off. now the tub smells faintly of old chinese people. better that than me i suppose. the hidden perils of chinese medicine.

this is kinda cool. the mayfly project. sum up the last year of your life in twenty words or less.



"jersey city. ann arbor. manhattan. ann arbor. jersey city. osama. ann arbor. janet. ann arbor. china. england. san diego. home?"