The blogging community has slowed to a crawl. Half the bloggers are here in Southern California bumming out for a few days. Connie, Chrissy, Anna and Eric came in on the 26th but i didn't see them until they came down on Thursday to go out to C Lounge. On Friday i went to pick up Helen from LAX. That night we all went out to Le Prive, the newer Korean club that i've never been to and there were tons of people. Le Prive is like five times as nice as Velfarre and much bigger and is definitively the nicest club i've been out to. It looked kind of like a music video spot because the dance floor had lights embedded in them. Mike Song and a few of his friends came out. A few of Victor's friends from LA came...Babbs had some friends come....George's friends came for a second...SD friends(Des, Adam, Jimma, Jimmy, Stacey) came. It was also Christina's birthday and she happened to be celebrating at Le Prive. We had maybe 25-30 people and we dropped a ton of money but it was a really good time.



The next couple of days we ran up and down between Irvine and San Diego, stopping to eat, sleep and play games. That's pretty much all we've done but it hasn't been boring for even one bit. Mass sleepovers, caravaning in packs, trying to get restaurant seating for millions. Trying to stay up but always failing. The one thing that has changed over the past year or so on these trips is that as we get a little older, the tendency for most of us to drop off into slumber is increasing. Many yawns were heard and many naps taken, regardless of noise or locale.

I was also fortunate enough to attend the wedding of a friend this Sunday on Catalina Island. Me and Connie took a boat trip out to the island (a very expensive boat trip) and i forgot that she gets seasick but luckily she was pretty much okay riding there and back. Catalina is supposed to be exquisitely beautiful and i had heard alot about it so i was kind of excited about going out there. That plus the fact that this was the first "MY friend" wedding that i would attend made me look forward to the experience. As it turned out, the day was overcast and it rained during the service, which was kind of sad but also kind of unique and i found an odd romantic bent to the rain. I also uncharacteristically felt pretty moved by the power of watching two people say their vows and dedicate their lives to each other. Catalina reminded me alot of Capri, with it's high hills and little colorful buildings along the boardwalk and up the slopes. On a sunny day i think Catalina would be a pretty dope place to spend the day.



The wedding was alot smaller than i anticipated and it was a little strange because i felt incredibly out of place among only twenty or so people, most of whom were family and relatives. The whole vibe of the dinner made me feel like i was at one of my family's Christmas or New Year's parties. I felt quite honored actually to be included as a guest among so many relatives. One highlight of the night was meeting a friend of Jimmy's from UCLA (he was a cousin of the bride) and we exchanged stories of Jimmy's life in SD and LA.



Anyhow, thanks to Jill for inviting me and congratulations to Mr and Mrs Daniel Dubbeld.

And along that same vein, people who are less talented and virtuous should not expect or obligate the assistance of others either. The rights of everyone should be observed. Being more talented and capable does not mean that one's individual rights and desires are to be forfeited.

I am hoping to take the next couple of days as an interlude between playing. I'm trying to unpack my boxes from New York, re-pack for England and China, and to take care of my responsibilities before i resume playing again. All this is ideally going to happen before Friday night but i'm not so sure it will. I hate how i always kind of try to cram everything into a tail end of a trip and then i end up not getting to spend enough time with anyone and am always left with the feeling that i ditched them or was irresponsible to them. I always assume that i have so much time leftover but i stop now and think about it and i'm once again at the saturation point of things to do and i don't want to just cram people and things into a few days.



Well, that's something to work on i suppose. Anyway, i got a chance to catch up with Mary tonight as we went out with Adam and Jimma to get coffee at the Living Room. I'm always a little surprised at the number of Asians swarming around California because i think for so long i've been used to being in Michigan and New York, where Asians don't represent the majority unless you're at an Asian spot and you expect to see mostly Asians. It does make me glad to have experienced that "Asians are a minority" feeling but at the same time it makes me a little wary because i think i'm getting a little too accustomed and comfortable to gearing my attention towards whatever Asians happen to be in the vincinity. It's so easy in California to be amongst Asians everywhere that i find myself often slightly uncomfortable at bars or something where the majority of people aren't Asian.

I don't know...it's difficult for me to wrap my mind around the duality of social responsibility and individual obligation. Leaning in one way or the other kind of dramatically alters the landscape of life.



"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."

-Thomas a Kempis-



Everyone is weak and no one is perfect. Taking that into account, no one should have the authority to take selfish desires above the rights of others.

It's no one's fault, but you have to admit that some people are just more talented and virtuous in comparison to the majority of people. Those people should be given free reign to create what they wish to create.

Can you truly be "better" though? I mean, its easy to pass judgement when you compare one facet of a person to another but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. If a person's strength just so happens to be not as useful from a societal standpoint, whose fault is that?

But then those betters are sacrificing their own talents and are subsequently suppressed and oftentimes oppressed by the masses of the lowest common denominator. How is that fair? To make a great man harness his gift so that he should not advance much above his peers.

But what about the Spiderman creedo of "with great power comes great responsibility?" Isn't that what makes the world go round and round? Shouldn't those who are more gifted use that gift to help everyone? Those who happen to be more gifted are randomly chosen (theoretically), one should not be given status and power due to a lucky bounce of the ball. Wouldn't it make for a much more stable and fair society if those "betters" used their talents to empower everyone as a whole?

I would have to say that i believe that these more gifted men are responsible only for their own well being. It is not their lot in life to be yoked and shackled to those who are less capable and less gifted. I think the problem is not in the unevenness of talent and virtue among men but that talent and virture do not run in parallel lines and are not doled out in equal amounts, thus allowing for those who are highly capable but also highly devious.

"I agree with you that there is a natural aristocracy among men...the grounds of this are virtue and talents."

-Thomas Jefferson-



I think deep down inside i agree with this statement wholeheartedly. It's difficult to reconcile this belief with a "everyone is created equal" worldview because in acknowledging that some men are more talented and virtuous, you are in a sense saying that some men are "better." I guess in a way that this statement is almost obvious in it's truth and that the whole fight for equality of opportunity is based on this fact. The problem in my mind arises however when i think about what the role of these "better" men should be in society.



Are these better men compelled to use their gifts for the benefit of all or for the purpose of enhancing their own lives?

It's Christmas and i am sitting at Victor's apartment after going to a Lakers game with him and George. The Lakers won, which kinda sucks because i wanted Iverson and the Sixers to win but it was still a great game that was exciting all the way to the end. I had never seen a real NBA game before and we were lucky enough to be sitting in a luxury box at the Staples Center because Victor's uncle has season tickets or something. We were really really close and we could see all the players pretty well and the moves and the multiple travels and basically everything. Shaq didn't play and Kobe was aching but Iverson was definitely cool to watch. George started getting a little too excited but maybe this will spark her so-far dormant knowledge of sports. The capper to all of this would of been ice cream sandwiches at Diddy Riese's but they were closed due to the holiday. Anyhow, i may never be in a luxury box again so i must take a second to savor this moment. Tomorrow, the week of craziness begins....

The past couple of days and nights have blended together seamlessly to produce an unending string of sleeping, eating and playing. I've done nothing constructive whatsoever and i've even stayed away from the bane of most of my all-nighters, computers. James, Adam and Victor have been over just about every night and we've been up watching movies (Rush Hour 2, Made) and playing games (Scrabble, Monopoly, Win Lose or Draw). George is back for a week or so and we've gone shopping a little bit but overall we've just been sitting around doing nothing, except for the occassional dinner run or last night's Fumari outing with Babbs and two of his friends.



We had Christmas eve dinner at our house and a couple of family friends came over as well as two of my cousins and it was cool because Babbs, Hong and Victor stayed for dinner. My knee is officially out of commission because i saw a chiropractor a few days back and he pulled some stuff and now it's stronger but he advises against doing anything strenuous. He says it should be ok with time but it might be cartilage damage if it doesn't get better soon. We'll see.



George is the official worst Win Lose or Draw player ever. Just at drawing though. Ok, maybe not worst but definitely the most amusing. Ask her to draw any animal (dog, elephant, aardvark, etc) and she ends up drawing a cat. Victor is the official "best words used in a Scrabble" setting player because he kept on putting down crazy words like "fixation", "oeuvre", "bovine" and many others. We pretty much play Scrabble every night and we've evolved into a version we call "Scribble" which allows us to switch letters in our hand for letters on the board if the word still makes sense. I've never played the Michigan off-shoot Squabble before but i'm wondering if that's anything at all like what Squabble is?

Ok, i just came back from an unplanned all nighter at Gaga's house playing video games with Adam. It was raining so we didn't wanna bother doing anything so we wandered over there to see Nancy (she was leaving for Hong Kong today) and ended up playing the Playstation and the Dreamcast. My eyes are dried out, my body aches and my head just feels stuffy. I have an appointment in a little bit to check out my knee so i gotta stay up. This is the worst. That limbo time between staying up all night and actually getting some sleep. This is like during finals week when i would stay up all night in order to do something totally non-productive and then try to stay awake but zonk out and if luck was with me, wake up just in time for the final.



I did get a chance to run a little bit and play some ball but that was pretty depressing because i can't really run or jump all that well and i pretty much feel like a one-legged man out there. This guy on our team kept on trying to tell me to be more aggressive but i was trying to tell him, "chill out buddy, i'm on one leg here." I guess either way, it's nice to have a legit reason for suckage. I am glad i got to test the knee a little, even though i think the conclusion is that i am not ready to snowboard. Everyone else has season passes and Victor, James and Hong are probably on the way up (for the umpteenth time since last weekend) as i write. This sucks. I don't even think i should go boarding when everyone comes because i don't think i can rationally risk getting hurt right before heading off to England. Ahhhhhh!!!!! The sacrifices i'm going to have to make. Killer.

Had a really good time the last couple of days in New York. I finally finished packing on Monday and the UPS guys came to get everything. If you ever need to move stuff, you can call UPS and they will come pick up everything from in your house and then deliver it to your door, and it's not altogether that expensive. Saves alot of needless sweating and box hauling. Excellent.



I decided to stay an extra day in New York in order to attend Lord of the Rings and Julia's surprise b-day get together and i'm very glad that i did. For one, we had dinner at this Cuban spot called Cafe Habana. Angie took us (Karina, Leslie, Brian, Greg, Louis) there because she said they their corn was incredibly delicious. We didn't really believe that any corn could be so good but we ended up eating a ton of it and loving it. It's basically white corn with parmesan cheese, butter, chili powder and lemon juice on it but to taste it is to know what glories corn was made for. The rest of the Cuban food was excellent but the corn was seriously all out impressive. It sounds simple to make but i doubt that corn of this caliber can be duplicated. My lips got chapped from eating the corn so damn fast.



We walked over to a lounge near Grenich St for Julia's thing. The spot was called Recess and it was a little hard to find but the place was really small but it was cool. The crowd was a little weird (kind of had an office party feel to it) but it didn't matter because we were mainly there to chill out with our peoples anyway. Amit and Mandisa were already there and Randall and a co-worker came later and we hung out for an hour and then left. But as it turns out, Julia didn't show up until two minutes after we left because we had to rush off to catch Lord of the Rings. Things like this always happen i suppose, we kept on delaying our departure thinking that "she'll be here in five minutes" but then as soon as we go, she's there.



Anyhow, happy 21st to Julia. Damn young. We went to watch Lord of the Rings after that on an IMAX screen with Ian McKellen hosting and Access Hollywood was there (so i'm told). Thanks to Louis, Greg, Swee and Caroline for saving us seats and getting us tickets and basically taking the brunt of the organizational duties. I hyped myself up so damn much for this movie (even though i really didn't like the books) and i was going in with 100% great expectations. As it turns out, the only real complaint i had about the movie was that it was so damn long. Everything else about it was pretty great. It's not the greatest movie i've ever seen but in terms of what it accomplishes as far as creating an epic, drawing from a 400+ page book, satisfying 50+ years of expectations, Peter Jackson and the whole cast and crew did an amazing job. Being a fantasy geek, it's very exciting to see something like this capture the imagination of the public and i can only hope that this leads to bigger and better things for fantasy fans everywhere. And more respect. That would be nice too. I think if they ever made a movie out of the Dragonlance or Icewind Dale books i would have satisfied all of my childish desires (the other two being an X-Men movie and a quality X-Men fighting game).



To top all this off in a very long night, Louis, Greg and Caroline stayed over and watched me finish packing and then we stayed up late talking about random things (mostly past relationships and lack thereof) and tried to make fun of each other as much as possible. It was a good ending to a quick week in NYC. I'm glad to be outta here though, New York the city is bugging me. The friends i'll miss, but not the PATH rides, the pace or the glut of humanity.

Most of yesterday was spent with Greg, Caroline, Louis and Je-Yi who drove all the way out to bum with me. We mostly did nothing but it was a good nothing. The weather was freakishly cold so even though we were supposed to go to the city we never did. We had dinner at Arthur's steakhouse and then just bummed for awhile before we left. I did muster up the courage to go into the city to meet up with Amit, Randall, Gerard, Leslie and Karina for lounging at Turtle Bay. Turtle Bay is a bar down the street from Amit's house and i like it alot because it reminds me of Friends and how they have that coffee shop and those couches that they are always just hanging out on. If i was in New York any longer i would make a push to make Turtle Bay "our place."



Leslie and Karina came over afterwards for a slumber party and we stayed up until nine in the morning talking about lots of stuff, mostly religion and stuff like that. It was very stimulating and more people should of come over to join us for the last Avalon sleep over EVER....but we'll live.



New favorite term:

"cuddle rape" Being cuddled unexpectedly and against your will. Sometimes if one is already in deep slumber, the cuddle raper will cuddle and leave before the victim even notices.

First night back out into New York. The weather was really crappy so even though Victor came over really early to get buo-ba, we just ended up staying in and playing games on jippi.com. That site is pure evil. Mindless competitive games that everyone will love. My favorite i think is the trivia game but everything else is pretty darn cool too. Don't go. It's not fun. You won't like it. You won't waste any time there.



We did finally meet up with Leslie, Amit, Karina, Gerard, Vivian and Brian. Got our Saint Alp's and after that we pretty much chilled at a bar (Pop) and then got some food in Chinatown. It was nice to see everyone again but i can't really shake the doomsday feeling of "whoa, this won't happen like ever again!" But that's probably not true because i'll probably visit sometime. I do wish i had more time here in New York but hey, i'm grateful even for this short week. I'm tempted to stay a day longer because Greg got some tickets to an advance IMAX screening to Lord of the Rings on Tuesday (with Ian McKellan hosting) but i feel like it's a test of my responsibility. We'll see what happens.



I do know that trying to catch a cab in New York is damn near impossible when you need one. Especially on the weekends. We stood outside for at least 30 minutes trying to catch Vivian a cab (she ended up settling for a limo) and then in Chinatown it took lots of walking to get our necessary three cabs. It wasn't even like people took our cabs, all the cabs were just full or "off duty." All those movies showing cabs pulling up all the time are flat out lying. Public transportation sucks. Kill the ozone...drive.

I am packing. It is nuts. I never realized how much useless stuff i've accumulated in only a year and a half here. I swore i wouldn't clutter up my NYC apartment but i guess i have. Right now i'm up to six huge boxes and still counting. Cleaning sucks. The dust is killing me. Thumbkin is fat. I'm trying to get as much done tonight as i can so that i can play some this weekend and see people. I have so much crap i'm just gonna throw away or give away. I wish more of you were here so i could jettison my junk to your apartment. It is really warm here and although i haven't really returned to New York here, i'm already feeling that staying till Tuesday will be too short. In fact, the rest of this month is going to be too short. Damn.

I am looking through all our back issues of Entertainment Weekly and i found this that was very intriguing. A guy named Brian Singer launched his 1000 Journals project in August of 2000. This San Francisco-based graphic designer sent out books to friends who sent them along to friends of their own. While some of the books are missing, most of them are accounted for and are filled with crazy art and musings. He scanned them and posted them up on his website and it's such a cool idea that i had to share it. I think we should start one too. Or maybe a couple and then zip them around the Earth. What do you think?

What if i like the destination i am headed towards but not the journey? Does that count as happy?

I don't know. I guess you're just gonna have to find out won't you?

Yes but that wouldn't bring anybody happiness. It's the act of doing those goals that ultimately factors into happiness, not necessarily the achievement of them. If you don't like the journey you are undertaking, then the destination doesn't matter.

Well yeah but a happy slacker. I mean, happiness is hard enough to achieve as it is, why muddle it with self created goals and plans that are bestowed upon you for no other reason than to say that you accomplished something? I mean, i think someone could arbitrarly just set some goals and then be happy in their advancement towards those goals.

aka....a directionless slacker.

Well yeah but innate joy is so much harder to capture. It's kind of depressing to see life as "set goal, meet goal, enjoy having met goal, rewind, play." I think however that is what happens when responsibility kicks in. Isn't responsibility all about having plans and goals and then having the drive to meet those goals? The only way that i can visualize having pure innate joy all the time is to be a free-spirit, able to roam and do things at anytime.

Aren't you kind of forgetting that innate sense of pure joy that just comes from being happy? Happy isn't just "i got this accomplished, i feel good." A lot of times, accomplishing goals kind of leaves you with this empty feeling doesn't it?

What is this thing called happiness that everyone is trying to constantly achieve? The number one answer to what everyone wants to be when they grow up is....."happy." "I want to be happy". It's almost this deep question to ask someone if they are truly happy. But what is happy really aside from the completion of pre-determined goals? I mean, isn't that pretty much how we measure happiness? In terms of things crossed off our "To Do" list? I have a significant other. Check. I have a well paying, interesting job. Check. I have a nutritious diet. Check. I exercise three times a week. Check. I sleep six (or sixteen) hours a day. Check. I'm happy. Check.

I took this career assessment test online that was pretty in-depth and got back an analysis of my strengths and weaknesses and my likes and dislikes. It was pretty accurate (partly because it was based on what i prefered as opposed to figuring out what i'm best suited for). My top ten jobs/career fields are these: (1) Instructive, Fine Arts (2) Promotion/Publicity (3) Dramatics (4) Musical, Creative (5) Creative Entertainment (6) Radio, TV Announcing (7) Creative Writing (8) Interview/Inform (9) High School, College, University (10) Kindergarten, Elementary Education.



Jon is conscious of existence, meaning, purpose, potential and destiny of humankind, people, and self. Jon is motivated by a self-felt, self-accepted calling to the cause of good, growth, and gain in the lives of others. Influential communication of ideas is a primary way of achieving those objectives. Perception and thinking tend to be holistic and conceptual; i.e., seeing the big picture. It is important to see which of the other traits are interactive with this trait because there can be many interesting combinations. This is a major trait in cultural, intellectual, academic, and creative activities. It includes ideas, concepts, theory, ethics, and values.



Jon prefers to associate with others socially, organizationally, and recreationally. In addition to assuring company with others, association is an important arena and environment for interacting with people in a variety of ways: leadership, managing, supervising, communicating, serving, caring, etc. Other traits have to be considered to determine how and why Jon is motivated to associate and interact with others.



Preferences for Jon fully support being perceptually, subconsciously, and consciously aware of fantasy, symbols, symbolic relationships, abstract ideas, options, and choice of options as they relate to creative or innovative activities. Perception triggers ideas in Jon's mind, a process that just happens - a process often called intuition. It is not a conscious effort to logically "come up with" creative ideas; instead, the process is best identified with the statement that "a thought struck me." A quote by Carl Jung probably makes complete sense to Jon: "Art is innate in the artist, like an instinct that seizes and makes a tool out of the human being. The thing in the final analysis that wills something in him is not he, the personal man, but the aim of the art."

Um, apparently we've had DSL all along. I finally found a box that corresponded to our Ethernet modem and called up the people and then set up service again. This is nice i suppose even though it's really freakin' expensive. I guess i better take advantage of this before we cancel it.



It's freakishly cold right now in San Diego and it's making everything really depressing. To run outside for a cigarette and then to come back in all cold and frozen. This isn't the San Diego that dreams are made of. I am going back to New York this Wednesday for about a week to take care of the moving out and to settle some things there. A couple of my aunts and uncles have expressed their desire for me to not go there right now because they deem it irresponsible. Of course, partly i want to go back for so long for social reasons but i feel bad leaving all the moving out and selling and packing to Lynn. One aunt in particular said that if i was truly only there to take care of things i should just go for like two days, pack up and move out. I'm still in this midst of trying to balance being responsible and trying to "squeeze every last drop" out of this month. I think i should be working now too because i do have twenty days left in December but i'm almost childishly resisting it because i want to take this time to gather myself and to be normal for a few weeks. But i guess part of being responsible is to be taking care of the priorities first.

This has been a pretty big weekend for me because i've finally had the chance to talk to some people about what lies ahead for my future. Had talks with my uncle this weekend, learned a little bit about US operations and then today i had a chance to talk to Trevor (who is owner of a company that works closely with my dad's company, based out of the UK). Right now it looks like i won't be finishing school. The time it would take to finish school would only be a few months but in this time of change and evolution for the company i've decided that i need to be doing something. So i think i will be leaving for England for a few weeks in January. And then i'll be back here in LA for a trade show and then off to China for i'm not sure how long. It's a little frightening i suppose to actually have a plan drawn up for the immediate future but it's also kind of settling also. This is all still a little tentative but i think this is what will happen ideally.



Had quite an interesting talk tonight with James, centering on religion and a little bit on life. I wish i could condense all the conversations i've ever had about religion and life into one big reference book so i can chart how my thought process has evolved and stayed the same. Anyhow, life begins at the end of December i guess.

Yesterday was my dad's US service. I don't really have that much to say about it i guess. It was nice, there were tons of people, many of whom i didn't get the chance to talk to and thank. It was uplifting to see so many of my dad's friends there and thank you to all my friends who came. There were highs and lows i guess but in a way, this just felt like the end parentheses to a long and short month. I was actually a little afraid of the US service but i knew that it was necessary and i am glad that it is over. It was a mental and emotional closing i suppose and i had kind of waited for that to happen.

Jennifer is back from Chicago and i got a chance to hang out with her for a bit after dinner at her house with her parents and my mom. We ended up going downtown to a cigar lounge (basically a coffee shop that sells tobacco) and it was nice to be able to smoke indoors. This whole not able to smoke indoors in California thing is slightly annoying but whatevers. Anyway, my dad's service is this Saturday and family will start to come in by tomorrow night. I'll be talking to my Uncle Lou about some sort of plan for my future so i guess in a way, after this Monday or so i'll pretty much have a plan for the upcoming years and stuff. Scary shit.

Just got back from going out with Hong. It's a Wednesday and i can't recall the last time i've actually been out on a Wednesday but he said Plan B had $1 drinks and i really have nothing to do so off i went. The greatest thing about going out to Pacific Beach is that you can pretty much wear anything you want. T-Shirts with ugly logos, dirty ratty jeans, baseball hats...anything. The line was shockingly long even though it was 10:45 but i guess Plan B is the only place that has anything going on Wednesdays so everybody goes there. The music was maybe 10% hip hop and 90% house/trance so i basically just sat around watching people. I think i would love to make a mock-umentary about the club scene. The number of pathetic guys in clubs is astounding and when you actually sit down and watch them try to pick up girls it's hilarious. Also, because they don't limit the guy-girl ratio there were a ton of guys and not so many girls. All in all it was an interesting time, not exactly killer fun but worth it nonetheless. And best of all it only cost $8 total for cover and drinking. I'd much rather go clubbing with twenty people like we usually do but i guess living out here in boonie SD i'll have to wait for the rest of you guys to move here.

Ok, i took the art test after looking at Alvin and Chris's results and i get the Scream?!? What the heck. They get to be deep and beautiful and i get "feeble grasp on reality? Nuts.







If I were a work of art, I would be Edvard Münch's The Scream. I express the subconscious troubles and anxieties of the world. I hold my head and let loose the primal terror of my innermost fears, surrounded by a lurid landscape which reflects my feeble grasp on reality.

Is it possible to be addicted to Tylenol Cold? I take it like they're vitamins. I think i've had one pair a day for the past two weeks. My personal philosophy on getting sick is to nuke the cold with medicine. I never understood how some people (prominently Lynnchen) can just sit there in the midst of disease and refuse to take medicine. I think however that this strategy has started to backfire because i'm not getting any better but yet i'm not really sick enough to see a doctor either. Ah well. Tylenol Cold is safer than some other types of drugs i suppose.

Angie is here visiting this weekend and while everyone else is pretty much away in Vegas, we've been doing alot of eating and drinking (buo ba, jamba, the usuals). Saw Monsters Inc last night and that was really good, the things they can do now with CGI are pretty amazing. I'm also as always, astonished at the number of terribly crappy movies that make it onto the screen. From the previews alone i was shocked by how low movie execs are digging for good stories. Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron?!? What the heck?



Went up to Irvine with Angie and her brother to go eat dinner with her friend, Joyce, and James. We went to a very excellent Japanese restaurant and i realized how cheap food is outside of New York. The $13.95 sushi platter looked incredibly inexpensive and i was thinking, "Wow, what a great deal!" That's how wacked out New York makes you in some respects. Joyce has taken the title of "fastest girl driver i've ever seen." She has a beautiful S4 and she was going at least 130 yesterday on the road against James. Sick.

Positive reinforcement. Everyone needs it and quietly looks for it. I'm not a huge believer in "actions mean more than words" because i think you can just know and be secure in something but at the same time i'm realizing that just because you "know" something, doesn't mean you shouldn't reinforce it once in awhile. Taking people for granted is a horrible horrible thing, even though it may not be meant that way. Parents should say they care more often (well, asian parents i guess). Friends need those small moments of reinforcement. I realize in alot of dealings with people (namely my parents and close friends) i tend to assume that they know how much they mean to me. That has proven to be a confusing point alot and i often find myself confused by why people think that we're not close anymore. But i think that in life, the thank you's and appreciations are necessary for a person to grow and evolve. I wonder sometimes if because i am really secure in a lot of ways, that it tends to make me very insensitive to showing the care that i should be giving on a more regular basis.

Went out tonite with my knee all wrapped up. Tried to hobble around but in the end i stuck with the crutches. I don't think i'm healing quite as fast as i anticipated. Regardless, had a good time with Adam. Got some buo-ba, went to Fumari's for a bit, joined by Victor Wang, and then we went to Keith's to get some food and play some chess. I think on the list of things i could dedicate my life to, chess would be pretty high up there. I read about all these professional players who go through years and years of training to learn every nuance and intricacy of the game. One little board with a few wooden pieces and people have found a way to build a life around that. I wish that when i was younger i had been involved in scholastic chess. I remember watching Waverly in the Joy Luck Club and thinking it would be wonderful to be a junior chess champion. There are very few things in life that i could concentrate on forever and still feel invigorated to learn everyday. Then again, i think about stuff like this and i realize that it's almost a waste of time and effort to get better at something that is almost completely frivolous. I mean, being the best Street Fighter II Super Nintendo player at the age of 14 has really no real world application. When you think about wasting all those hours that could be dedicated to learning something worthwhile it's kind of crazy. My secret dream is also to become a pro Magic player. That would make my day too.

You're trying to fight thousands of years of natural and societal instinct? Ha, good luck. Tell me when you come up with a solution Romeo, until then i'll just play along by the normal set of rules.

Well, not really, i just think that right now i equate relationship with sacrifice and i am unable to come to grips with that. I think that there has to be something bigger and better. Then again, i obviously don't have a logical alternative yet, although i'm trying to figure one out.

So basically your idea of an ideal state of being is to have a companion to traverse the world with, but yet not necessarily to be 100% dedicated to that person? That somehow strikes me as an impossibility.

Essentially i guess a relationship is what a companionship is about, but along the way you have to leave bread crumbs of trust behind so that the other person will be able to follow and understand that you care. I would like to think that this kind of thing can happen without the wave of sacrifice and change that a relationship demands. Oftentimes i feel that in searching for the "perfect one" you are often molding a person into that perfect image you want. And also at times there is a tendency to want to be left with tokens of sacrifice and compatibility. Isn't it possible to build that up by opening the metaphorical doors wider as opposed to closing them? If the only way to achieve security is to be shut into a room together than i would have to question exactly where that false sense of security comes from.

You realize of course that what you are asking for is pretty much just friendship right? With an independent ability to move in and out of each other's lives at will. You say a companion but isn't that essentially what a relationship is? Someone to watch movies with, to talk to, to go through life together, hand in hand, attached at the hip, talking in one voice, thinking as one?

I mean i feel like that once you become a label, there are tendencies to want to be possessive and to want to create a union between two independent beings. Decisions often become "we" and "us" instead of "you" and "me." I'm not sure if my mindset and philosophies are capable of sustaining a full fledged relationship of sacrifice and commitment. I feel like oftentimes you are faced with the choice of giving up a part of yourself in order to mesh completely with the significant other. Some of my friends are willing to do this and that sounds so crazy to me.

Wait...you want a companion to be there and yet you're unwilling to give total commitment? How does that work and where can i sign up?

Today i want to talk about relationships. The girl and boy variety. Forget the question of if girls and guys can be friends...i've recently had the chance to have some discussion and thought about what i want for the future. I decided that i may not necessarily want a wife in the traditional sense. I sort of want a companion, someone to always be there. The thought of a full on marriage with total commitment sort of frightens me.

My mom wants me to grow my hair back. Each time i shave it she grimaces and makes funny faces and shakes her head in disappointment. She makes it a point to note how sloppy and ugly i look with my bald head. She says that if i ever decide to do the business i can't have hair like this because it will be taken as a sign of disrespect and immaturity. I kind of agree with her to a little extent but yet i have held back on growing it because i really don't want to. I don't know if this is yet another sign of my immature defiance and inability to accept responsibility but i feel that having a shaved head isn't nearly the worst impression i could give off. I agree that my earrings and baggy pants wouldn't fly so well as a businessman but is having a shaved head really that revolutionary and anti-establishment? My mom's friend says that i have to bang my head against every wall before i will admit failure and that i should just listen to the wisdom of elders. That chafes at me too, the wisdom of elders. I fear one day that i will become an old geezer who dispenses wisdom that is ignored by those younger than me. Is that how i am now? It makes so much logical sense to listen to people with experience yet much of the advice i hear i dismiss as outdated and out of touch with the times. Am i being ignorant and prideful or am i being smart in sticking to my own experiences and opinions?

My mom yesterday at dinner was looking over the pictures from the service in China with some friends and she off-handedly was telling them that she would like to bring the pastor who did the service into the factory. I really should of left it alone seeing as it wasn't really an appropriate moment but i had to ask why she would bring him in. Her reply was basically so that he could talk to them and share the gospel and whatnot. I remember once in China when my mom queried this one worker if he had remembered the song she had played for him. He did a little bit and tried to whistle it for her. My mom brightened up because it was a song from a Christian CD and she said that they had "never heard it before."



My problem with what my mom said was basically her intent to bring religion into people's lives. These aren't friends or family, they are purely workers. Of course whatever you do they will be influenced to pay particular attention. My mom kind of jokingly said that "i'm the boss." It's nice to share things that are important to you but when you do it in a business capacity then i think you're taking it too far. But in general that is what happens alot with religion (especially Christianity). This overwhelming urge to share "the truth" at any and every turn annoys me to no end. Just becaues i like hip hop music doesn't mean that i should be able to hold a special session for "Hip Hop 101" and share that with the factory workers.



It's perhaps petty of me but i kind of get weirded out by high amount of Christianity that my mom is bringing into the services. My dad was not Christian and while he may have been more interested as he got older it strikes me as odd that suddenly everyone is praying left and right in our house. I don't have a huge problem with having a Christian ceremony if that's what my mom wants but her sudden assertation of all this Christian thinking is putting me on edge. I am half expecting, half avoiding the time when she'll ask me to talk to the pastor about any "questions or regrets" i might have.

Perhaps the most frustrating time i've had the past couple of days is trying to entertain myself while sitting in front of a slow computer with a modem connection. All the surfing i used to do is simply a hair jerking test of my patience. I am reduced to sitting here with my broken knee, playing computer games with myself. I hop downstairs for meals and that's about it. I have been lucky enough to be rescued for Jamba Juice (James), buo ba (Hong and Gaga) and Denny's (Monica) on consecutive days so i can't really complain.



Lots of aunts and uncles (not real aunts and uncles, i just don't know what to call them besides the direct chinese translation) have been coming by. It's actually very heartwarming to see all my mom's friends come over to take care of her, to cook and clean and to feed us. She has been staying up late talking to various friends and i think that has been a good thing, even though it leaves her really tired. The majority of these aunts and uncles i don't even recognize but apparently they know all about me. They know almost every little detail of my life in the past few years and i wonder when my mom told them all these things. I'm getting a little sick of explaining my situation to these aunts and uncles but they only do it out of goodwill so i suck it up and deal with it.

I am hurt. Again. Right as i was swinging into the car yesterday to leave, my knee popped and twisted and now it's immobilized and i can't straighten it. It hasn't happened at all since summer but if felt just like when i hurt it back in March. After a late lunch at Claim Jumper's i had to go to Des' house and borrow her dad's crutches. So now while i'm supposed to be taking care of my mom, she has to take care of me for a couple of days as my knee relaxes. Wack. Crutching and hopping around is embarassing.



Watched Harry Potter yesterday which was a little disappointing. I'm not sure if it was a function of reading the book but me and Lynnchen both didn't like it that much. It was a very long film and while it wasn't exactly boring it wasn't really exciting either. They did follow the book very well though and didn't leave out too much. Some of the special effects were really bad. Go watch it if you want because there'll be six more of these things and you might as well know what all the fuss is about.

Last night we went out clubbing in downtown San Diego. Pretty much everyone i knew in San Diego came out and it was nice to have so many different groups of friends there. A few of us met up at Fumari's first and then more and more people started showing up and we had to get three pipes and it got to the point where we were taking up too much sidewalk space so half the group headed off the E Street. Lynn came down from Irvine, Babbs and a few of his friends were there, all the Mt Carmel people came out, the Rancho Bernardo people were there (including Des who is a newly minted 21), even Grace came out. In short, people got liquored up, danced alot and had a good time. We actually ended up leaving a little early at 2 am because Babbs had a little too much and had to be escourted outside. We went to Roberto's afterwards and then called it a night. I'd never gone out with the Mt Carmel people really and it's been awhile since i've been out with the West Coast people so the whole night was just a joy for me.



The capper was coming back to my house with Lynn and Victor and James and then getting a video handed to me by Lynn that had been made by all the New York people. In it, they all sat down and gave me Real World confessional-like messages and also created a skit, "A Day in the Life of Jon" starring Greg. He put on my clothes (and looked freakishly alot like me) and then they proceeded to mock my everyday existence. It was funny as hell though. They also did a hilarious fashion show featuring the JonJon FOB line of clothes which was basically all the crap leftover in my closet. The outfits that they put together were crazy and i was embarassed to realize that all those clothes were mine. The sound was kind of in-and-out during the video so i have to watch the original at some point but for now thank you so much to Randall, Gerard, Greg, Victor, Louis, Lynn, Angie, Amit, Karina, Steve, Kyle, Pierre and Leslie!

"Until then Dr. Juvenal Urbino and his family had conceived of death as a misfortune that befell others, other people's fathers and mothers, other people's brothers and sisters and husbands and wives, but not theirs. They were people whose lives were slow, who did not see themselves growing old, or falling sick, or dying, but who disappeared little by little in their own time, turning into memories, mists from other days, until they were absorbed into oblivion."

-Love in a Time of Cholera-

Thanksgiving. A time for family and the time that my dad was supposed to have come back from China. My mom is holding up surprisingly well. I think the deluge of things to take care of has helped her keep her mind on the tasks at hand. We had dinner tonight at Black Angus with my mom, George, Chris, my god sister Jessica, her mom and her mom's boyfriend. Jessica is getting married soon as i mentioned before and it's strange because her dad passed away a few years ago and my dad was supposed to be the one to walk her down the aisle. Now that job falls to her mother i guess.



Anyway. It's been a good couple of days because i've been trying to pull as much as i can out of this time in San Diego. Surprisingly, everyone from everywhere is back for the holiday weekend and it's been really good to see alot of old faces. Last night i went to Fumari's with Hong, Babbs and GaGa. Adam and Minh showed up and then Josh and Jeremy, whom i haven't seen in almost two years, stopped by. I even got the chance to see Victor Wang and JenTa, both of whom i haven't really seen in close to two years also.



Tonight after dinner i went over to Isabel's and saw everyone from Mt Carmel who i used to hang out with a bit. Trieu, Jessica, Monique, Brandon, Victor, JenTa...lots of people. Izzie is teaching english in Japan and so she is only here for a couple of days. We went to get Mexican food (she too misses the raw carnage that is the carne asada) and then to sing. It was interesting to see what everyone was up to nowadays, a few months or years removed from college. Live has changed alot and people are now in very different circumstances but in the end it's still nice to know that people have kept in touch and whatnot.



The backroad from my house over to the Rancho Penasquitos area where the majority of my friends live is finally finished after perhaps six years of incompleteness. This road is the scene of my disastrous car wreckage of high school and now it's all paved and beautiful.

Me and George worked in the factory for a few hours the last two days in China and that was very interesting as well as fun. The first day we learned to sodder flute pieces together. The next we learned how to put assemble all the pieces onto the the flute. There are about 120 pieces on a flute and to watch and learn how each piece is made, put together and then polished is incredible. Because there are so many pieces and each flute is hand crafted, there are huge amounts of discrepancies between the quality of work you receive. Reading over the minor problems that need to be fixed on the instruments is mind boggling and i now have a whole new understanding and appreciation of an instrument that i have played for years. We pretty much sucked soddering and assembling and that opened up my eyes to how difficult and precise these workers have to be.



Also, sitting in on the business meetings and getting a glimpse of the challenges that affect a manufacturing and sales business was highly educational. The link between amount of production and predicted sales pretty much determines the future of a company. Econ in college is pretty much meaningless when you are trying to deal with real world concepts like how many of each kind of flute to produce and whether or not that goal is capable of being reached. The amount of foresight and experience needed in making even the smallest of decisions is astounding and intimidating. I've decided that the majority of things you learn in class is pretty much useless in the real world. But we knew that already.

I am back now in the States. It's a good feeling. The flight was uneventful except for a Wang Zhi Zhi sighting. Wang Zhi Zhi is the first Chinese basketball player to be signed by an NBA team, he's also a tad over seven feet tall and absolutely gigantic. He was on our flight over from Beijing and i guess he is coming over now after his Chinese National Team commitments to play for the Dallas Mavericks.



I think i've conquered my fear of flying. I used to grip the seats on takeoff and during turbulence but now i just kind of roll with it and try to believe a statistic i read a few years ago that more people die annually riding on donkeys than they do on airplanes. That statistic is probably outdated by now but it still gives me rational strength. I think i can learn to handle the 12 hour commute between China and the US by sleeping alot. It's nice to know that at least one of my skills might be useful in the future.

The trip is almost over. We leave China this Wednesday. There's been so much going on here and so much resonating on my head that to put it all down now would leave reams and reams of mindless blabber on the page. In short, China has been much better than i expected. The weather hasn't been horrible. The particular part of the country where i've been isn't claustrophobically filled with people. The food here is excellent. The bathrooms suck but that's kind of hard to change. The people at the factory have been extremely nice and extremely helpful. It's a little strange because many of the factory workers are around our age and yet they are doing factory labor for $100 a month. I didn't get the chance to interact with many of the actual workers but i am kind of interested in asking how they grew up, what their goals are, what their life is like, stuff like that. They are also apt to treat me and George with almost too much respect, it weirds me out to have people waiting on us while we eat. I actually don't see too much of a cultural difference yet but i think that should i ever stay here for an extended amount of time i will get a better grasp of those things.



Right now my uncle has decided to manage the company for a little while and that gives me more breathing room to decide what i might do. I think there are one of four possibilities: (1) stay in California, finish school, go on with whatever life i can create for myself (2) finish school and then go to work at the company (3) go to London or San Jose and start learning about the sales side of the business (4) go to China and start learning the manufacturing side of the business. Right now however i am wavering on whether or not i want to do the business at all. It is a great opportunity for me to learn and to grow up but i feel like if i choose this route, my life is set. I will travel. I will often be outside the US. I will be a businessman in the musical instrument industry forever. While it has been pointed out to me that nothing is a life commitment, i'm approaching this decision as such because i cannot go into it without the willingness and mindset of giving it my all. I cannot leave if it gets too tough or go back into the company at some later point. Either way, i have until the new year in California and by then, some sort of decision and plan will be reached.

It's a little difficult to comprehend all that has happened in the past week. I was informed late last Thursday night that my father had passed away in China. Right now i am at his factory in Lang Gang, an hour outside of Beijing. We arrived here on Thursday after a weekend of waiting at San Diego for a replacement for my lost passport. I flew home last Friday but due to my missing passport my mom went ahead to China while me and George waited. Life had undeniably changed but the weekend in San Diego, at home, with friends was almost eerily "normal." Despite this awkwardness, i am really glad i had a few days to collect myself before we headed out here.



My father owns a woodwinds company that has factories in China and Taiwan, as well as various offices around the world... the state of the company was a question that weighed heavily upon everyone's minds. Amidst the shock and the grief of my father's passing, decisions had to be made very soon about what direction the company would now be headed. I had basically come to the conclusion that at some point i would have to become involved in the company, in whatever capacity was necessary. This kind of left me in fear that i would come to China and immediately have to stay to learn and the help.



As things have progressed i've gotten a bigger glimpse of what my role will be like in the upcoming years. I probably won't be uprooted to China immediately. I will be out of New York. I probably will finish school. I probably will be home for Thanksgiving. I might be home for Xmas.



It's amazing for me to sit here and see my father's new factory, something that he had always wanted me to see. It is huge and employs and houses 170+ workers. In speaking with many of my father's friends and workers i've had the chance to fully grasp how much my dad has built while i've been off recklessly enjoying life.



Thanks to everyone who thought of us and know that your support is much appreciated.

Had an excellent mid-week night of chilling and relaxing in the city. Randall had the brilliant idea of hanging out at Leslie's so we went there for dinner and basically just sat around feeling family like. Leslie cooked (curry, cabbage and pork) for a good two hours while we ate all her cookies. Mandisa managed to escape work for a little bit so we all bummed and watched Temptation Island and ate and laughed and generally had a really good time. Nights like this need to happen more often.

That's my second realization i guess. People are bad but with enough community effort and education we can do good things. Perhaps "God" is right in proclaiming that we are all sinners. That's a conversatin for another day though. For now i'm content with "people are bad but life is good."

That makes the human race more amazinging doesn't it? That we can still be beautiful and majestic even while our inner selves yearn to break and destroy.

The majority of people are socially conditioned to be good and we survive by trying to fight against our baser instincts. It is much easier to tear something down than to build something, good is a very delicate thing. As i see it now, a few specks of dirt in a pristine glass of water still makes the water dirty. My eyes are opened, i can no longer go on the assumption that the world is a good and benign place. People are selfish and evil and bad.

Ah, now you're finally thinking. Good is only a social tradition. Helping others actually probably goes against human nature. As animals we are supposed to be survivors. We are supposed to kill to support ourselves...us against them. The law of the jungle.

See, at first, being an optimistically inclined person i would have to say that the majority of people are good. Sure there are a couple of bad apples but those are the exceptions to the rule. I mean, aren't we as the caretakers of Earth an intelligent and majestic race? If we weren't how have we come so far? In times of tragedy we pull together and lend each other a helping hand. But it recently dawned on me (partly due to watching the Matrix and listening to the "humans are viruses" speech) that if we truly are inherently good, we wouldn't need to be pounded with "be good" speeches. All of our social institutions and traditions are built to ensure that each generation understands and respects other people and the world around us. If we are already inclined to be good why do we need to be reminded "to do good" and to have that beaten into our conscience?

How naive you are, i've known all along that people are bad. That's why rampant cynicism is my code and creed. Tell me more about why you've suddenly come over to the dark side.

I would like to think that people are inherently good. You know, people are inclined to do good things, create goodness, be good, eat good, dress good, dance good.....good. All personal experience supports this hypothesis but when you spread the net a little wider the "people are good" theory no longer really works.

It has been ten years since Magic Johnson told the world that he contracted HIV. That's a pretty ::adjective:: thought. He is a pretty amazing man. The Bears scored 21 points in a little over four minutes for their second straight overtime win. The Yankees finally lost. Lorenzen Wright had 33 points and 26 rebounds on his 26th birthday. Sports is the grandest, least predictable form of entertainment (and it's free). Tragedy, unbelievable deeds, "once in a lifetime" players and plays, it just keeps cycling over and over.



In a related story...Porta just beat me in a game of chess. Woe is me.

I'm back from Michigan after four days of non-blogging...and my world is okay. To put it very succintly, Michigan was great. The drive up and down with Brian was really good, got a chance to talk and to catch up after a whole summer of being three miles away but not seeing each other. Spent fully one fifth of a five day trip in a moving vehicle, which was surprisingly not that horrible. The party at UIUC and the performances by funKtion and Dance 2XS were amazing. As Heather counted up, we had a magical thirty nine people from Michigan invading Illinois. Palak, Sam and Vidya drove to Washington DC for an Indian dance competition and then drove all the way from there to UIUC (still beating me, Kyle and Eric by a few hours however). Lynn, Leslie and Je-Yi flew into Chicago and arrived in time for the festivities. Eric and Anna came down from Chicago too. In short, most everyone was there. It's hard to envision such a large collection of people together again outside the state of Michigan.



The weekend was pretty much a blur. Besides the UIUC trip i ate at Pizza House a few times, met up with some people, hung out and basically bummed a bit. I keep on thinking that i'll "never walk through the Diag" again but each time i do it's like i'm just lying to myself. All in all, the weekend was a perfect condensed version of the type of life i would like to lead in a deja vu world. People, places, Pizza House and party.



James called me up while i was at Michigan and said that Ryan was for sure moving out of his apartment in Irvine. This leads me to ponder the all important existential question that every sane man woman and child will deal with at some point in their lives: "When do i move to California?"

Waiting here for Brian to pick me up so we can drive off to Michigan...one more time. We were supposed to leave a little earlier but apparently he can't across to Manhattan from Queens because of the two rider policy so he had to go all the way up through the Bronx and then back down. This leads us to the question of why there is a two-rider minimum policy into Manhattan...does it deter terrorists because they always work solo? I don't think so. For the life of me i can't think of any reason for the policy except maybe to reduce congestion in the city and to increase incovenience.

Oh tragic day. BlogBack v1.3 is up and that means my old comments are all gone. But supposedly you can convert them but right now i'm too dumb to figure it out. Someone tell if they get the old comments to come back. I was so attached to them. Let us move forward with our lives and create new memories by commenting more...

A new movie theatre opened this past week a block down from Leslie and Karina's apartment. It's a giant Loew's multiplex and they are having free movies as part of their grand opening. Seeing as movies are insanely expensive in the city, any opportunity for a free movie is a good one. The problem is that "free" also equates to "popular" and so i had to stand in line forever to redeem my voucher for tickets. What began early in the week as a plan for all of us to watch a movie turned out into a date for me and Greg to watch The Matrix. We even shared an extra large popcorn and drink (two straws of course). I was dead tired and almost fell asleep during the movie but i bravely struggled through and made it through an extraordinary big screen movie. We were wondering what movie we would want to watch on the big screen...i said maybe Braveheart or the Fast and the Furious. Star Wars would be good but we saw that a few years ago...anyway, going to a free movie was incredibly tiring...at least i can say i did something for free in New York.

I came up with this idea once to save money. Whenever i buy something, i would try to think of the item in terms of how many hours it would take at minimum wage to pay for that item. In that way, i would be able to ask myself whether this item was worth one hour, two hours or fifty hours of my time. Of course...this kind of thinking only works until you get to about eighteen (if even). By that time, you start rationalizing candy bars and McDonald's and nothing seems worthy of four hours of manual labor. I'm starting to think that maybe i should reinstate this kind of thinking though so that i can realize the importance of each item i buy. Of course, since i make no money, any item would seem to be out of reach according to my current scale. Sad. I am Jack's empty wallet.

Great song alert. "Everything" by Lifehouse and "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling. I'm a little biased because they are both from episodes of Smallville so they have these visual images attached to me but they are great songs nonetheless.



I had a friend who tried to get me to detach my computer from my room in an attempt to shake me out of my "life sucks" doldrums. I couldn't do it. It is the source of almost all of my time suckage but it is also my lifeline to the world. I can't stay away from the sensous curves of the keyboard and the inviting glances shot my way by the sixteen-inch Lolita. It's almost pathetic how many times i hop online to check email, or organize email, or blog, or read a blog, or look up totally useless but interesting things. I think my life would gain so much if i shut down my computer but at the same time i would feel empty and alone. Anyone else have this kind of symbiotic love/hate relationship with their bionic life partner?

Oddly this weekend hasn't been as cold as predicted. But that doesn't mean that i can't still lounge around and pull down the shades and lie down until i'm so tired i must fall asleep. We watched a commentary track on the Fight Club DVD and found out that Helena Bonham Carter has a wonderful speaking voice. Watching the actors interact in a behind-the-scenes commentary track is really interesting because you kind of get a glimpse of them as real people....just cooler. Anyhow, we did venture out into the night for awhile as i took Jennifer to Cafe Lalo's to get some cheesecake and to meet up with Leslie and her sister. We saw Lynn there with her cousins right as we were leaving which was kinda weird because you don't really run into people in New York, it felt like we were just suddenly meeting there. Then again, i feel like we only go to like five places in the city so running into each other shouldn't be that uncommon.



Afterwards came back and had some wine and cigarettes and talked for a long time, about all manner of useless and important things. I saw a video of the way i speak and i realized that i talk like an idiot. I pause every five syllables. My cadences are all wrong. I use "like" every other word. I say "you know what i'm saying?" nearly as often. I'm like (i even write it all the time!) a schizo MTV commercial when i talk. I can't coherently put together a sentence without using "like." I feel like (damn!) everyone should watch themselves speak on camera, you catch so many things. I'm resolving to change and learn to talk like (again!) an intelligent human being. It's a sad day when you look clearly at yourself and a glorified valley girl stares back.

I am declaring a bounty on the head of lynnchen. The person or person(s) who manages to capture and ensnare this ferocious beast into the blogging world will be showered upon with great praise and the title of "Subduer of the Asthmatic Enemy," which is her real name as given by Wu-Names. Along with that awe-inspiring title the Subduer will be presented with a big mug of their choice from our cabinet...unless it is in the dish washer in which case you can't have it because it's dirty. The gauntlet has been thrown. Loose the hounds.



Watch out for her cat sidekick. He bites. And whines.



.:: kinsfolk, although encouraged to participate in the hunt, will receive no credit for a successful capture because they are equipped with too many unethical powers of persuasion. Yes Hongshin...i am talking about you. Subsequently, anyone who gets the afore mentioned self proclaimed "Boba King" to blog receives a hearty round of applause and a firm handshake from the person of their choice ::.

We are approaching the pinnacle of blogger evolution. When you can start playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" with blogs then you know that incredible things are happening in the world. When blogging circles start independently of one other and then end up linking together you get.....a bigger blog circle. And when that all links back to gomakross.org (the mothership of the blogging universe as far as i'm concerned), which was the very first blog site my virgin eyes saw, well...it's like flying back to the dawn of time and watching man evolve from a little feral monkey. I feel like Darwin. Blogging circles united. I am bursting with fruit flavor.



Thanks to -oO7- for investigative contributions and to -pogiboy- and -superlum- for reaffirming my faith in the healing powers of blog. I feel that the next logical target for blogger world domination would have to be -porta- and -lynnwc-. Resistance is futile -lynnwc-. Given enough pressure even an egg will crack. Blogging is as inevitable as world peace and Boba King. Ok...i am way too excited.

Walked around the Village today and wandered down random streets taking in the city and stopping in the occasional shop. Jennifer was pretty amazed by the pageantry of New York (the colors and variety of the views) while i was just like, "this is gray." But i guess it's nice to be reminded that New York is this amazing unique place and to once again look upon everything with a stranger's eyes. Gave Jennifer the five cent tour (Union Sqaure, Barnes and Noble, dinner at Republic) that me and Lynn have developed before we headed off to find the Fight Club DVD (rated the #1 DVD by Entertainment Weekly). We went to three different places in "the city that has everything" and we couldn't find it in stock. Big chains like Virgin, Coconuts and Sam Goody were all out. Jennifer really wanted to watch it so we had to conduct an extensive hunt for one elusive copy of this DVD that came out a year and a half ago. We finally found it at the DVD Palace in Times Square. I must go enjoy the fruits of my labor now. Did i mention that it's freezing out here?

Jennifer is here from Chicago visiting for the weekend. I haven't seen her in forever and i can't even think of the last time we got a chance to hang out. Anyhow, she is here and our plans are to bum and stay out of the cold weather. Tonight we ended up watching some of the videos she has made of her friends and for her video art class. She has this one video of a friend talking where the friend's raw essence just comes pouring out in a few minutes onscreen. It was amazing because most people are really inhibited or different in front of the camera but you could just see and understand the type of person she was because she fully let herself be captured. The weird thing was that she was amazingly fidgety and nervous in the first few minutes but then she puts on this Venetian mask and she just...transforms. Pretty dope. I of course pulled out my dance videos, music videos and spring break videos full of silly people to show her. I am inspired to capture essences of people. So don't run from me when i come calling.



I also happened upon this video that i made one week into freshman year for friends back home. On it i show them Michigan and my dorm and everything else and then i conclude with this final "looking in the camera" speech that is just depressing and sad. With my big floppy hair i'm sitting on a chair telling them that Michigan is okay but not necessarily great and that i miss them and everything. It's funny how a few years can change things so much. I talked really stupid then too, with weird Chandler-like inflections on random words. I was much tanner though.

I was talking to someone last night about things that we think we could do, as far as career wise, regardless of skill or education. We're both suffering mid-life crisises (i argued for quarter-life but she's right in pointing out that being in the twenties really is mid-life because who cares what happens when you're past your fifties?). Anyway, i thought that perhaps i would be fulfilled being involved in social activism, or perhaps in politics. But the sad thing i stumbled upon was that regardless of how much i care about certain issues, i don't really care enough to do something about them. I would want to get into activisim or politics for the act of doing it, the act of making change. Obviously i would want to do something i believe in but i am not moved by any of the various plights of man enough to fight for one. Inequality? Injustice? Racism? Sexism? Whatever-isms? I care about all these things but getting passionate about these issues isn't within me. It's almost like i'm interested in all these things from an academic standpoint but i am not moved enough to take action. I'm not sure if that is because of my conflicting Randian and altruistic philosophies or what. Either way, it was kind of disheartening.

Not really...you're the one who has to work and support the two of us...i'm pretty much free to lounge around at will.

Doesn't all this want to make you cry and jump off a low two-story balcony?

I for one blame Adam Smith and the division of labour for making us all into cogs and automatons.

How can anyone expect to settle upon a career in which we do the same thing over and over for twenty years? It's impossible. Right now the whole prospect of a career pretty much scares everyone i know. Nobody told me that the post-college years were going to be the ones where you were truly lost...isn't that what college was for?

Everyone wants a cause to fight for and a reason for living. It's sad isn't it when you realize that "special" really does mean only the top 10%. Not everyone can be special...heck, half of us are just barely average.

This is something that is frightening to realize. We all come out of college looking for a fulfilling job that we can throw ourselves into. Graphic designers want to create amazing things...architects want to design beautiful buildings...psychologists want to help people...engineers want to create marvels of modern technology...business people want to make money...philosophers want to sit around and think. But outside of business people sometimes, we really can't get what we want. Everyone feels like they are "special" coming out of college and they want to make a difference and find that perfect job. When you look at the numbers game and you look at the realities of our current day situation, just about everyone will be hemmed into a job that only requires mindless monotony.



And this isn't only because we are inexperienced and young. I forsee this happening forever. Lucky are the few who get to pursue their dreams and to find a job that engages them. Look at our parents...i don't see them doing things that they necessarily have a passion for. When they came up in the world their dreams were perhaps different but it's incredibly depressing to me to realize how mundane the world is and how many people are forced into mundane lives to preserve our financial independence.

Do you know how depressing it is looking for work? When you have no marketable skills? I'm applying to jobs that run the gamut from "PT Sales!" to "Management Trainee!" I have no idea what i would be selling or managing but really, if they accept me and actually call then they can't be the smartest people in the world can they? Right now i only have a few no's: i'm anti-food industry (except for maybe coffee), i'm anti-manual labor, i'm anti-getting yelled at, i'm anti-i'll have to work with people with the intelligence quotient of a small monkey. Besides that i'm pretty much ready to do anything. My dream job now that would allow me to be flexible and organize my life would be to work at Borders (actually, the only Borders i know was crushed in the WTC, i saw the sign dangling in the backround on TV once) or Barnes and Noble. This is how far i've come in four years of college. Barnes and Noble won't even call me! If anyone has the hookups to a bookstore in the Manhattan area, help me out. You can even tell them i'm still in high school...i don't have much pride. I'm hoping to answer this all important question: How low can you really go?

In the "this is the hottest thing since sliced bread category," this guy has created a simple code to be inserted into your template so that people can comment back on your posts. It's incredibly easy. I did have to change the font though but who cares really. Go to Blog Back ASAP. Also, someone apparently made a Blogger Bot for posting using AOL's AIM service. I'm not sure how useful it is but it's still pretty damn cool. If any of my constituents want to install the Blog Back thing email me and tell me and i can do it for you. It's heartwarming to know that some people in this world are obviously making good use of their spare time.

Today was a big sports day for me...well, fantasy wise. See, being the big bum that i am, i have to live vicariously through fantasy basketball and football. Anyhow, to cut this interesting garble short....i won in football and got the first pick in the basketball draft (which i used to select the great Kevin Garnett). There's something about playing fantasy sports that just engages your mind and makes you stare at little rows of numbers for hours on end...fulfilling every hearty male's dream of running a pro team. Yeah, i have no life but what little energy i have i thrown whole heartedly into little triumphs that make me glow on the inside but take me no closer to the long run goal of making money. Wish me luck on a good season.

Another night on the town, luckily all the places we went tonite had no cover so i didn't spend any money except for a few beers and a cab or two. Leslie's friends from Maryland where here and some other random people so we all met up at Street Bar in Alphabet City. I love Alphabet City because it's the home of the Nuyorican and a lot of nice little hip hop lounges but it takes forever to get to and the place is a little sketchy. Anyhow, when we first got into the bar the music was pretty wack but we were forced to stay awhile to wait for everyone to gather. By the time everyone came it had been an hour and we went off to Bar XVI in search of some hip hop but there was a huge line outside so we had to wait on the corner (as all big groups do) and decide where to go next. Luckily Grace knew this place called Shampu around the corner and it was playing hip hop and reggae. It was really crowded at first but they opened up a loungy area downstairs so all of us went down and basically had the place to ourselves to sit and dance. That along with a couple of beers made an otherwise average night into a B- night.



I hate taking the PATH on the weekends after going out. Invariably, any fun you've had for the past few hours is sucked away by the half hour wait for a train to take you to Hoboken and then Newport/Pavonia. This in itself pretty much drains your energy and by the time you get home and shower you're totally drained and exhausted. I need to start sleeping over in New York more...that could make clubbing better.

The past two nights have been salmon nights. As in, i ate salmon. On Thursday we went out to celebrate Winnie's bday (which was on the 8th of Oct) and met up at this place on the Upper East side called Atlantic Grill. As befitting a nice seafood restaurant this place was expensive so i dropped a bit of money but had a really good time. Winnie, Greg, Louis, Carol and I are like the Birthday Club. Although we try to hang out every once in awhile we only end up meeting around somebody's birthday. The last time we all saw each other was in May for Greg's birthday. Anyway, i had the salmon which was excellent. Um, because i was running late i was trying to catch a cab and this guy driving a shuttle van pulled over and i got a ride with him all the way up to 72nd for five bucks which was kinda cool. I used to think all these "pseudo" cab services were kinda sketchy but i realize that they're probably just trying to make money and won't kill me or anything.



Anyhow, for Salmon Night Part Deux we went out to an Indian-American fusion restaurant for Hong's Bday (Oct 11) called Tabla. It was a very very fancy place with dark wood and low lighting. It's Restaurant Week in New York so there are prix-fixe dinners for $30.01. We had choices of salmon or rabbit so obviously i chose the salmon. I don't know how many of you out there like raw fish but one of the best things to eat is blackened salmon that is seasoned and crisp on the outside but raw and fishy on the inside. Delicious. The stuff just melts in your mouth. Tabla got a 25 on Zagat but i personally didn't think it was nearly that good and the decor kind of made everyone feel woozy and nauseous. Still, it was a pretty good dinner, replete with appetizer and dessert. So, after two splendid nights of eating in the city i am now about a hundred dollars poorer but it was all for a good cause.

Since obviously i have no life outside of watching TV and slumming on the couch let me fill you in on what i've watched today. Note also that i've been up since before noon so this whole "upward mobility" thing is working....slowly. Basically i watched the tape of Smallville that Lynn was nice enough to tape for me. I'm not exactly a huge Superman fan but having seen the previews for this show i was pretty damn excited to watch the show. It actually isn't that bad. It's not the greatest show on Earth but i liked how they worked into the whole Superman story and showed you glimpses of who he'll be in a few years. It's set in modern day in a small town (or rather, a ville) and it shows Superman as Clark Kent the teenager. I'm not too thrilled with the weak "action" scenes but i guess they have to do something since he's a superhero. The actors were all really good and i wasn't cringing watching them spout off horrible lines (as happened recently with Dawson's Creek). Actually, the only reason i'm really blogging about the show is because the girl that plays Lana on the show is HOT!!! I mean that in every way possible. Kristen Kreuk. She's half-Chinese. She's amazingly good looking. I don't get to say that often so i'll say it twice. She's amazingly good looking. Ok, that's it. Watch the show, if only for her.



Another example of the truism..."Asian people are hot"...if only in half doses.

Watched this documentary on the Histroy Channel about the World Trade Center and got an in-depth glimpse into the genius that went into the building and construction. Here are some quick highlights: The WTC was structurally innovative because instead of the box-on-box method of skyscrapering it used a technique that pulled it's strength from the outside "skin." This in effect allowed the WTC not to topple over when the planes hit it. Eerily enough one of the people they interviewed said that the WTCs were built to withstand the impact of a 707 jet (the biggest one at the time, the 911 ones were 767s). He is now presumed missing...which they detailed in a graphic at the upper left hand corner each time he spoke. Morbid and tasteless. But moving on.



Think of the WTC as two giant stalks of celery to imagine it's support structure. There are over 250 elevators in the WTC and another innovative system was used to transport everyone up and down in a timely fashion. Stealing an idea from the subway system, the WTC has local and express elevators in-between zones which effectively meant you had to switch trains once to get anywhere. This brilliant idea got everyone up and down much quicker. Except of course, in the event of an emergency. Another amazing piece of machinery was constructed to wash all the windows on the WTC. Oh, the windows were made about shoulder width to provide a sense of comfort. It takes a whole month for each one of the towers to be cleaned by this machine. It was operated by one man who is also missing since 911.



Other random but useless facts: Each floor of the WTC was an acre. All the dirt excavated for building the foundation of the WTC was used to build 70 feet of landfill which is now Battery Park. The WTC had the largest indoor mall in Manhattan. The goal of the WTC was to create a mini-metropolis where people could work, eat, shop, take trains home and never have to be outdoors. People are now debating what we should build after the rubble is cleared...a replica, another monumental building, or a memorial. Yeah...let's build a memorial. Please.

Had dinner tonight with my god sister. I'm sitting there about to order my hamburger and she shows me a hand...with an engagement ring on it. What the heck? I was a little skeptical for awhile and had to ask some questions to make sure that i wasn't getting played but she is for sure engaged. Quite a shock to my system i must say. Apparently everyone else knew about it but me (thanks for telling me George) and it's been over a month now. Jessica's only a year older than us and last time i talked to her she was blissfully single and now she's engaged! I was happy for her of course but i'm stunned and still a little bit weirded out. Well, not really weirded out, just mainly stunned. Her boyfriend is in China and they dated this summer and now they are on the road to marriage. She's flying out tomorrow to go to China for a week and from there she'll have my parents meet him. My mom must be so excited....



Um, i was supposed to go watch Jessica play the harp this afternoon at a concert but i was stupid and overslept, thus missing the entire thing. Bad. She's having a big concert at Carnegie Hall in April though so i'll make it up then.

Hong is gone. Pam is gone. Everyone is gone. I'm finally alone. Which basically means i'll be sitting in front of my computer for hours on end for the next couple of days....doing nothing and job searching....which means basically doing nothing.

Big day today. Woke up at four when Mandisa and Amit came over...struggled to wipe the sleep from my eyes while they played Dance Dance Revolution. Amit is a star at that game, no doubt. Watching him rhythmically dance to a game that i am hopelessly lost at is inspiring. Got to go to Jamba Juice! That pretty much was the highlight of the day. Introduced Mandisa to Jamba Juice and luckily she loved it so we didn't have to hit her. After a quick dinner it was still only nine o'clock so we had the whole night ahead of us. Went over to Amit's apartment for awhile, watched some SNL (most of which was terrible) and then got a slice of pizza from what is apparently the best pizza place in New York. Karina raves about it constantly and it's Mandisa and Amit's pizza place. It's called Nicky's Pizza i believe and it was seriously pretty damn good. Beautiful thin crunchy crust with just enough chewiness to the cheese. Excellent.



Dropped by a bar called Turtlebay to see Randall real quick and the place turned out to be really nice. We were just talking about finding a cool chill little bar or lounge or something to call our own and this looks like it could be a candidate. For one it's really big and so wasn't super super crowded. There are three floors and they have a giant TV screen that was playing The Phantom Menace (a plus) and on the second floor there was a little bit of space to dance. No cover of course, another bonus. There is a fireplace on that second floor and lots of comfortable looking couches and cushions. It kinda almost looks like the cafe in Friends a little bit, as far as the decor. Anyway, it was nice. The music wasn't great the whole time but they rotated into some hip hop for like fifteen minutes which gives me hope for better songs in the future. Definitely will have to go check it out again.



To finish the big day, met up with Karina and Dave in K-Town in anticipation of meeting up with Pam and Co. They got there a little late so for awhile it was just the three of us sitting around drinking yogurt soju, which we all agreed tastes just like the Taiwanese drink Yan-Luh-Duo. Pam and Saloni arrived with huge big shopping bags in tow after an apparently fruitful day of shopping. Got to meet Pam's identical twin sister which was pretty interesting. They are very different i think...in pretty much every respect as far as i can tell. It's cool though to meet twins and talk to them and see exactly where they differ. Anyhow, after a bit at Blue we left and now i'm here, up at the crack of dawn yet again. This early morning sleeping habit can't continue.

Book club meeting. Lord of the Rings. Book One. At Yama Sushi. This book has taken all summer to finish and i can safely say that only two of us finished the book...when i say us i don't mean me because i didn't finish the book in time. Sad. The meeting itself was really fun though, as they always are. We got huge piles of sushi and then tried to intelligently talk about a book that everyone was in various stages of reading. It was pretty easy to get sidetracked and start talking about the upcoming movie and then segway into a totally random conversation not involving books but i guess that's the beauty of our book club. We're a book club composed of non-readers who gather for the purpose of eating and entertainment.



We went to go watch Iron Monkey afterwards and that was really really good. I expected people to be rude and stuff like they were at Crouching Tiger but there was nary a snicker when people flew from rooftop to rooftop. The movie was definitely one of the best martial art films i've seen and it is sort of a prequel to all of the other movies involving Wong Fei-hong. There was just fighting fighting and more fighting broken up by short spurts of plot. Perfect. The little boy in the film is played by a girl and i didn't know that until after so that was kinda interesting. With this mass exodus of martial art movies into the US and the subsequent public acceptance of them, i wonder if that is only negatively reinforcing the Asian image we've had for so long. Of course we're "breaking through" in entertainment right now but all of that success is hinged upon using martial arts as our entry pass. That isn't exactly very different from the acceptance we've engendered up to this point. If you get a chance, go read Beau Sia's poem "the asians are coming, the asians are coming."

Early this morning Pam and four friends drove in from Michigan in a big white Eddie Bauer Limited Edition Explorer. License plates: OH CMSA (which stands for Cowboy Mounted Shooting Association. I kid you not). Five crazy girls drive driving from Michigan to New York for one quick weekend. Nuts. They parked the car at Avalon because they didn't want to drive in the city so me and Hong ended up driving in and dropping them off at their various destinations. First of all, Hong did his usual "i'm a superstar" driving and pretty much freaked out Sonja (whose car it was) by cutting off mad cars and getting into at least three "we're about to die moments." Sitting shotgun while riding with Hong in the city is not for the faint of heart. On top of this the car was making funny gasping noises from the front and by the time we had dropped everyone off the car was shuddering and creaking and the brakes were squealing. The whole thing sounded like it was going to fall apart and we couldn't figure out what could possibly be wrong. The brakes produced a smell of metal on metal and it was perilous driving back and forth in a barely still together contraption. We took it into the local Pep Boys this morning and it turns out the rear brake pads needed replacing and a screw was missing in the front, thus causing the car to shudder and gasp. It will be fixed soon though so the car will hopefully run beautifully all the way back to Michigan.



On another note, got to drive by Ground Zero and saw all the streets blocked off and all the cops everywhere. The craziest thing was the smell from the still smoldering rubble. That was pretty trippy and even though we couldn't get that close to the wreckage it was an experience to drive through lower Manahttan sans September 11th.

Watched Survivor tonite after a lengthy fourty minute lecture by G W Bush. I was just waiting and waiting for "Must See TV" Friends and Survivor to come on but Bush just kept on rambling. Am i shallow for wanting to fast forward through his big important speech to satisfy my lesser entertainment needs? Anyhow, it was cool to watch Kelly on TV and i must say that i love Survivor. I don't know that many people who watch it besides Greg, Lynn and Hong but right now i'm addicted. It's actually risen over Friends as Must See TV. I'm not even sure why it's so great but maybe the fact that it's the original reality series and that Survivor intrigue captivates our nation's imagination and i don't want to miss out. Either way, watch it so we'll have something to talk about. Go.

Taking a little cart over to Shop Rite and getting groceries by yourself, for the sole purpose of feeding yourself, is just about the loneliest task imaginable. There is no "what kind of *blank* do you want?" It's just grab the quick food essentials and bolt out of the store so i don't have to be grocery shopping alone. The essentials are basically this: a couple of pears, one pack of turkey, spaghetti sauce, three cans of Dole chunk pineapples, one can of Dole peaches, one big thing of milk, cheap chicken breasts, one green pepper and then some Triscuits to snack on. Add a few things into the mix and you've got my weekly grocery list. Pretty nutritional life i lead eh? I haven't cooked cooked in forever...i think i'm gonna have to start going into cooking mode again.

Let's hope we're not doing the same thing next year in October eh?