wanna come in? this weekend, i watched hitch. valentine's day makes us do strange things, i know. what follows is not a movie review but a "what did i learn" statement. in hitch, will smith's character (alex hitchens) is a dating doctor. or rather, he's more accurately categorized as a love doctor, since he will only help clients who exhibit symptoms of true unrequited love. the bastards and dickheads who want to practice slash and burn techniques are left off his client list. the eponymous hitch has a heart of gold and a cupid/midas touch to match. he guarantees that he can get any man to the first kiss within three dates -- after that, the guy is on his own. hitch tells us that eighty percent of all women think they can spot their true love based on that first kiss. this figure seems to be a bit high, but who am i to argue with a ladies' man like the fresh prince?

the central drama, and theme, of this movie is that both hitch and his love interest -- played by eva mendes (who cares what her character's name is, eva looks great) -- are highly desireable singles who are too afraid to let themselves ever engage in any real romantic interests, out of fear of getting hurt. eva plays a jaded gossip columnist "who is a woman of such judgmental pessimism that she’ll sell out on love the minute things start to go the wrong way." sounds hot doesn't it? luckily, eva pretty much gets all the great clothes and works her attitude, so she is hot. sidetracked, but anyway.

hitch's story is that he's scarred from one experience with true love. he had a girl, lost her due to overzealousness, and now is unwilling to truly open up to anyone ever again. he's a love doctor who doesn't buy into his own concoctions. tragic isn't it? the rest of the movie doesn't matter. hitch eventually gets the girl, of course, will and eva find each other through the power of love, of course. blah blah.

more importantly, for me, watching these two defensive lovebirds on-screen made me realize just how boring, trite and ridiculous, defensive daters are. "i'm afraid to get hurt." boo hoo. you're gonna get hurt anyway, why not just suck it up and go for broke? girls dig the long ball right? i've decided from now on that defensive dating is no longer the in thing. dating should be conducted as if you were on special teams.

just like on special teams, you should run headlong toward love with a certain discipline but also with enough recklessness to get the job done. if you stay timid and wait for your foe, you will never make even the most basic of plays. you'll always be late getting to your target or you'll consistently be out of position once your target gets to you. you have to risk something to win something. attack attack attack. sure a kickback TD will de-moralize and deflate you, but at least you didn't just play prevent defense for twenty years of your life.

thank you hitch, thank you will smith.