Say It Ain't So

Do you believe the saying, "Once a cheater always a cheater?" What if it's just one mistake? Does it matter how many times a person has cheated? Is it like killing someone. Do it once and it might be an accident. Do it twenty times and you're probably capable of continued killing? After all, the thinking is, "If someone's done it before, what prevents them from doing it again?"

It's about strength isn't it? If you're not strong enough to resist once, what kind of assurance can your partner have that you'll find the strength to resist next time? If there's one thing that's as certain as death and taxes, it's that the opportunity to cheat will always be there. Temptation is never far.

Askmen.com has helpfully compiled a top ten list of reasons to tell her you've cheated. It's not a bad list and covers the bases.

1. (1) So she hears it from you
2. (2) Because it's the right thing to do
3. (3) Because you want to make it work
4. (4) Because you care about her
5. (5) Because you don't want to make a second mistake
6. (6) Because it was a mistake
7. (7) So you can live without paranoia
8. (8) To regain the respect of your peers
9. (9) Because the guilt will drive you mad
10. (10) Because you can't count on your partner in crime

I've cheated before and my nature is to hide it and cover my ass. I mean, one of the bigger reasons that people feel compelled to tell their significant other is guilt (I think this should be higher up on the list). I don't have it. I don't often feel guilty about things and in this particular case, while I knew cheating would be horrible, I did it with a clear mind. And even if I wasn't clear of mind, I would never blame anything else or try to pawn off responsibility. That's just despicable.

Originally, I didn't break up with my girlfriend by announcing that I'd cheated on her. My reason for breaking up was that we weren't working out and that I was over the relationship. All true and for the most part, both of us could live with that answer. But later on that day, I told her about the cheating. My reasons? Basically I didn't want to have to hide it, from her, from other people, or to force the "partner in crime" to have to hide it either. That's not fair to anybody. I don't have a particular attachment to truth but in this case, it was necessary.

It crushed her, of course, this admission, and she was disconsolate and annihilated. She wouldn't even believe me at first, until I laid down when, where, and maybe why. We'd been together for roughly two years and we'd only ever been apart for a few week/ends. She thought it was maybe another girl, another weekend. She couldn't believe I'd actually done it. She blamed herself, and then blamed the other girl (still does). And she hated me. But this post isn't really about that.

For my part, in the aftermath of all this, I got a tattoo on my finger, and one of the reasons I chose that particular symbol was because it's a reminder of what I've done. I don't always explain that portion of it, of course. Usually I go with the others reasons I got such visible tattoo. But I know what it also means. Actually, I don't hide the cheating reason much. I have no reason to. I'm not ashamed that I've cheated. It's probably incredibly common -- not that it makes it right. I'm not proud of it obviously, but I also don't want to forget it. And more importantly, I don't want to be tempted to tell other people I get involved with that I've never cheated.

So that's what that tattoo is for.