In the Zone

"You can maintain a friendship over a distance. Once the person is a friend, it takes very little data to communicate very complex things. You can send a five-word e-mail that, for someone else, would take a two-hour conversation."

There used to be a time when I would willingly wander into social situations willy-nilly. My curiosity was high and any new experience seemed to have value. I wasn't afraid of going somewhere to meet up with people alone and without an entourage or at least another friend. During the first weeks of college, that was the only way I knew how to get over homesickness. Get as involved as possible. Toward that end, I joined any semi-applicable organization, actively sought out people who had similar interests, and committed time to hanging out with people I didn't know very well. That was probably the last time I was so open and available. I guess, in a way, it was out of desperation. When you don't know a soul, you have to go outside your comfort zone. Or you know, die alone.

What happens when everyone's adults though? A common refrain among my peers nowadays is how hard it is to meet people. Aside from people you work with, a network of previous friends, or the occasional acquaintance, where else can you meet new friends? Especially when you're not just looking for a second tier friend but one you can be comfortable with most of the time. Friendships like those usually take some time to build. But, who has that kind of time anymore?

Well, I do actually. I have all the time in the world. But it's not easy. Do you attack meeting people through shared interests (thus limiting yourself to occasional activity and a slow build) or do you just scattershot and throw yourself at people and then see how you guys get along? The main problem with meeting people nowadays is that I judge. Like a lot.

You spend years and years trying to figure out who "my people" are but when you're suddenly trying to open your mind and expand your horizons, you find that natural defensive instinct kick in really quickly. It's hard to shut off the stereotyping mindset, the triggers that make you back away, and the feeling of "Wait, why am I doing this?"

Especially for someone like me who has become accustomed to making insta-friends, it's annoying to have to wait. I don't even have it bad. Some light research online will tell you that people are just desperate for friendship. They hate their current friends, they're bored with life, they need companionship, they're looking for someone to appreciate them, whatever. Some of these people are like really young. Nineteen, twenty, twenty one. I can't understand how they're having such a hard time finding people to connect with. Or is the implication that these people are somehow flawed in some way that they can't make friends the regular old way.

Wait, what's the regular old way?

"A friend is someone who you like a lot who understands you at a pretty deep level."
-Friends Indeed?-