(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right

So I'm watching the California Supreme Court listen to arguments pro and anti-gay marriage. What else are you going to watch at four in the morning if not C-SPAN? Anyway, it's riveting stuff to be sure. It's like Mr.Smith goes to Sacramento; if Jimmy Stewart had been a bumbling, mumbling, lawyer who was getting verbally pushed around every five minutes. I've never really seen lawyers in action but the image of them on television and movies are pretty strong in my mind and this was anything but. Joe Pesci looked like a genius compared to these guys.

Vinny Gambini: So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you 5 minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit eating world 20 minutes?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know, I'm a fast cook I guess.
Vinny Gambini: I'm sorry I was all the way over here I couldn't hear you did you say you were a fast cook, that's it?
Mr. Tipton: Yeah.
Vinny Gambini: Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than anywhere else on the face of the earth?
Mr. Tipton: I don't know.
Vinny Gambini: Well, I guess the laws of physics cease to exist on top of your stove. Were these magic grits? Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?
-My Cousin Vinny-

Welcome to the reality. I was appalled that the lawyers for such an important issue would be caught saying "um" and "ah" more than a junior varsity debate team member. I kept on waiting for the hair toss and the "like" to be thrown in somewhere. The first lawyer I watched looked like he was about to pee in his pants and responded to every question with scripted mumbo jumbo that never addressed the question. The next few lawyers didn't impress me much either. The Justices smacked the lawyers down for both sides. They make them stutter, they make them mumble, and they bullied them into logic traps. Of course, it's like seven against one but it was like watching Superman and friends flying in to beat up on a purse snatcher.

I'm sure the lawyers are very good at their jobs but somehow I was hoping for some eloquence and oratory fire. If anything, I was duly impressed by the Supremes and how they sat back and then picked apart the speaker's comments. It's easy to say "Oh yeah, same sex marriage, people are totally for it, let's make it happen." But when you have to logically (not to mention legally) argue for it and compare and contrast it with polygamy or marrying your cousin, or how civil unions are inadequate and things like that, the issue gets pretty dense.

I was most appalled when one of the pro-gay marriage lawyers was asked for a definition of marriage and he said (slightly paraphrased), "It's about two people who are in love and offer emotional support to each other...." I thought he was reading aloud from The Notebook or I Kissed Dating Goodbye. "Oh! It's about love and emotional support! Let's fast track this thing right through then!"

The court has to make a decision in three months about this but if what I saw was any indication of the defense, good flipping luck. It would be nice to say that "love" will win the day but really, that never happens except in the movies.

"Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam..."
-The Princess Bride-