Adventures in Dating: Part -1

Gentlemen (and ladies), I've thoroughly scoured the internet dating landscape and I'm here to tell you now: it's not pretty. For example, let us look at this little blurb.

"looking for someone who I could talk two, to go out and have funn just gett to now each other, that is not jelous that we could tust each other, hard working man that lives on his own."

I don't want to "tust" anything, much less you. Unbelievable right? I mean, I don't ask for much. Just spell check would do. And it would be nice to read a profile of a girl who doesn't list Harry Potter as her favorite book. Or as the last book she read. I mean, seriously, that shit was released in July 2007. Then again, what if they meant an older Harry Potter? Now I understand the necessity of pamphlets.

Someone told me recently that when dating, she sometimes tries to dumb herself down in order not to intimidate guys. Well, after my research, I'd say 95% of these girls are doing that really damn well -- on purpose or not. I almost don't even need a picture, just give me a percentage of misspelled words in your profile annd I'll decide based on that. I mean, seriously, you know you can edit your profile right? I don't ask for perfection, just some consideration.

I feel like I would be better off online dating at the library. "Please ma'am, let me see the borrowing habits of any females aged 25-30. Here's a signed copy of my book as enticement." This method would also be nice because clearly these women live locally. I could start things off by leaving a single rose in the 300-400 section and then we could surf the net together -- for free! I need some tech geeks to combine the library's database with a popular dating site's.

Okay, so here's the kicker. The girl looking for "someone to talk two?" I don't even qualify. She's looking for a hard working man who lives on his own. Two strikes for me...

My profile will say this:
"I enjoy people who don't take themselves too seriously, who value a good dictionary, can appreciate the proliferation of the MP3, sees humor everywhere, and can settle in for a ten hour marathon of the real world (televised or otherwise)."

From Tien: "It's Not You, It's Your Books"