Open Sesame

I didn't want to talk about this but the Internet has forced my hand. Late Wednesday night, someone from Illinois was Googling "easy way to hack my girlfriend's match.com password" and guess what he found? Me. That's right. The top destination for him was my blog. I pity the fool.

Imagine this poor boyfriend's mental state. He's sitting at home in the Windy City, probably tearing his heart out after realizing that his name isn't her match.com password He's definitely alone, definitely scared, and a little out of sorts. He wants to have a DTR but isn't man enough to do it so he decides that the best way to figure out what's going on in his relationship is by hacking into her accounts. Being a non-tech savvy guy, David (as we'll call him), turns to the web for answers.

Stop right there.

Should David be punished by the relationship gods for even thinking of hacking into a person's private, but definitely flirty, correspondence with strangers? Is this a relationship no-no?

Heavens no. You do what you can to find out what you need. GI Joe only had it half right; knowing is the battle. Raise your hand if you've thought about looking into your special someone's email, phone logs, text message history, or any such thing? Everyone thinks about it right?

Now keep your hand up if you've actually done it. I'd wager that most people have spied on their significant other in some way, shape, or form. It's not pretty but when your life is on the line, trust plus surveillance is the only way things can stay on the level. I trust you to give me your passwords; in case you were wondering how those two can go hand in hand.

I've developed a few techniques for acquiring passwords from your loved one. Surreptitiously of course. I can't outline them here because I'd rather know who needs this knowledge before I divulge my tips. Just email me for a primer. Trade secrets my son, trade secrets.