gold digger. here's a list of what tv dads earn. apparently, i'm a new millenium version of tony micelli. and i'm not even a good housekeeper at that, as my roommate will attest to. even al bundy, shoe salesman, has grossed more per year than i ever have. then again, he has at least twenty years of work experience on me, so i have some time to reach his financial level. if they based a tv show around my life, not only would it be terribly boring, but my family would die of starvation by the third episode. but at least i'd have more screen time to myself.

"no, i don't have a lawyer. i don't have a dentist.
i'm... you know, i make four hundred dollars a week.
what do you do?
well, at the moment, i'm working..."
-reality bites-

filmed in 1994, reality bites focuses around a quartet of early twenty-ish adults trying to find their way in life. lelaina is the big bread winner of the group, she makes four hundred dollars a week. her roommate, vickie, eventually gets promoted to manager at the GAP and makes four hundred dollars a week. (troy apparently makes no money, and sammy is, well, sammy's just gay, we have no idea what sammy does.) with a combined income of $800, they state that they'll never have rent problems again.

"you over compensate for having what's basically a monkey's job."
-clerks-

i've done some stunning calculations and come to the conclusion that i need at least five hundred dollars a week to live on. this averages out to maybe $24,000 a year. i recall that when i exited college, it would have been an insult to take a job that paid anything less than $30,000. now i'm thinking $30,000 could fulfill all of my earthly desires. making $30,000 a year, pre-taxes, amounts to something like $12/hour. at first this seems ludicrously low. but then i got to thinking. what could i do that would be worth $12/hour to someone? nothing really.

"i'll tell you the problem with your generation. you don't have any work ethic."
-reality bites-

i had a thought that i could work at the local videogame or bookstore until my next life peak comes. but then it hit me that videogame employees probably don't make $12/hour. they probably don't make even $10/hour. which leads me to believe that the adult-aged staffers at the gamespot down the street probably live with their mothers. or maybe they live eight to an apartment with their other videogame playing friends. i'm starting to think i left my cushy videogame job at the peak of my earning power. my food was subsidized and the long hours insured that i had no energy or time to spend any money.

"being a professional is doing your job on the days you don't feel like doing it."
-david halberstam, who was the commencement speaker at my college graduation-

of course, there are lots of undesireable jobs that pay $12/hour or more. twirly real estate sign holder. those guys get paid #12/hour. administrative workers get about $12/hour. workers in the retail industry probably make around that much. i think being unemployed makes about $12/hour, which would be a nice option if it were available. basically, i need to pick a (short-term) profession that will enable me to survive until my next writing endeavor. or you know, just pick a profession period; one that will allow me to live a lavish, much envied, lifestyle.

my real life earnings potential is stuck in 1994, much like my taste in movies. the good news is that i do have a dentist and many lawyer friends, which must count for something.