panzerfaust. how often have you ever told anybody what you think of them? like really really think of them. for me, probably never. it's not about telling them the truth, or telling them what they want to hear, or avoiding things that might hurt them. telling someone everything you think about them is a very hard thing to do. for one, you have to give them some time in your mind to process what you think about them as an entity. then you have to actually articulate this in a precise manner. then you have to have the opportunity, the interest (by them), and the balls to go ahead and say everything. i've never done this. there are probably tons of things i think about people that never make it past my cranium.



why is this? shouldn't friends, good friends, be able to tell each other anything? wouldn't it be supremely interesting to hear what people had to say about you with no holds barred? maybe people avoid this because it seems somewhat egotistical, to assume that someone has thoughts about you that they would want to share. maybe people avoid it because they fear the bad things that they might hear -- some might fear the good. i think i have maybe one or two friends that speak to me with little or no inhibitions. i value them quite a bit. but even if they say something negative or somewhat hurtful that i don't agree with, it's easy to say "oh, they don't know me all that well", since i don't see them very much in my daily existence. it's too easy to dismiss. sometimes though, they are dead on right, and i'm stunned by how much they perceive just through our conversations.



if we had to draw up charts of friends' strengths and weaknesses, would we be surprised by what received back? would it be better if this process was anonymous? or do we need the context provided by knowing which friend said what, to properly process things for ourselves? i think i'd prefer context over anonymity. i think that most people know how others perceive/receive them. but there are always little things that you miss, sometimes huge big things. for example, if i told a good friend, "so listen, i just don't trust you, i think you have some meglomania in ya", wouldn't that be interesting for them to hear? or would it be more interesting if they already know?



what role, what price, should be people's feelings?



i must work on a character sheet -- aptly named "listen up motherfucker" -- that will empower us to tear each other down. with no building back up since positive feedback is for middle management managers and highly overrated.