Wednesday, April 25, 2007

How To (Make Friends & Alienate People)

This blog is going to be a work in process -- blogging exclusively from a (slow) laptop sucks so I can't quite set it up right yet.

The first thing I'm trying to do with it is to put down everything I've been thinking about for the past week or so and expand on it. Things could be long, short, boring, exciting, meandering, you read what you want to read. If there's something you want me to take down, just ask. If you hate the name/nickname/codename I gave you well, let me explain it first, then I'll take it down if you still want. I'm just as concerned about preserving your identity as you are. But I'm going to start documenting a hell of a lot. If you want out, just say the word.

This is my effort to be as (securely) open as possible with as many people as possible -- friends or strangers and everything in-between. And it's a way to just blog; and write. Plus I was using too many damn Blogger accounts anyway. I've always blogged a lot, and pretty consistently, but I never tried to consolidate all my blogs in one. Or gave more than minimal effort to connecting them to one another. I think it's about time. I'm about to release as many albums as possible in as short a time as possible. Venni, Vetti, Vecci; ubiquitous like Ja Rule in 1999-2000. If I flame out, I flame out.

First, I gotta clarify what's been going on for the past week and a half. I'll do that as soon as I can and then just branch out from there. The other thing is, during that week of craziness, everything made sense (to me). All the things I like, the people I enjoy, my stance on religion, my opinions about certain art forms, family history, girl-friends, why I have tattoos, why I love jewelry (and um, the Little Mermaid), my role in life, everything. It all clicked and made sense. Keep It Simple Stupid (K.I.S.S.) So I wanna get it out on electronic paper.

There's also a bunch of projects I've always wanted to do. Now, I'm just gonna do them. Empowered by craziness is still empowered right? First thing I want to do is my own version of The 1000 Journals Project. I'll start with a dozen or so. We'll see. That's just project one. There's a shit load more that I've been afraid, waiting for the right partner(s), or just plain lazy on. Fuck that. I'm ready. Do as you will; not as you're told.

I'm also hiplogging the shit out of everything. If you want to follow along pictorially, just activate the hip(log) and push your ass out -- it's just my photo repository for the actual blog entries. I realized I have the tools to be a techno-nomad already, so why wait? Sidekick, laptop, iPod shuffle, Google Apps, Gmail, flash drives, lanyards, wireless access... I can be Lorenzo Lamas 2.10.

If you're unfamiliar with blogs, well, click around. Archives, categories, you can get around pretty easy. Or use the Search bar located in the upper left hand corner. If you're still super confused; well, sorry. I'll explain later. If you're confused about blogging in general; well, ahem, maybe you should go buy a certain book. Thanks.

I followed the Yellow Brick Road, I found the Wizard (I think), and I'm ready to go home; but apparently I've been capable of that the entire time. I just didn't know it. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. Yo Joe.
"Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder, 'Why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand."
-Kurt Vonnegut-

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Generasian-Z

Here's the thing, as Asian-Americans (and non-Asian Americans), we're mostly brought to this country to do one thing: make a living. Our parents sacrificed their lives to give us the chance at a better one. It's the American Tale, the immigration story. So what do they want us to do? Assimilate as Americans (educationally, financially, socially) but also maintain our Asian morals and traditions. To them, America is a great place; Americans, eh, not so much. Thus we're instilled with conflicting goals right from the get go. Assimiliate (and beat) the Americans, but don't become one.
Term: Asian-American. I'm speaking to mainly Generation 1.0 through 2.0 Asian-Americans. If you don't know, how the "generation" thing works for Asian-Americans is this: If you were born in another country (for me, Taiwan) but moved here in your formative years, you're Generation 1.5 -- or F.O.B. Your parents, who were presumably born and raised overseas and only came here as adults, would then be Generation 1.0 Asians. If you were born in America (ABC), then you're Generation 2.0. It's a bit different than the other ethnicities way of counting generations. For them, generation-one is the first generation born and raised in America.

The term "Asian" I'm also using is technically any Asian Pacific Islander, stretching to include Indians, Middle Easterners, etc. Basically, for me, any immigrant culture that moved to America so that their children could get some education (in order to achieve success) would know what I'm talking about. We about mass appeal, no segregation; got Black to Asian and Caucasian sayin...
For most immigrant children, you're a failure unless you what? All together now: "Become a doctor or lawyer (maybe computer person)." That's it. Business isn't a bad Plan-B, but if you want to be a humanities, arts, dance, anything creative, etc major, your parents will shun you -- probably publicly. It's embarassing for them to have to compare your unemployed A+ Psychology majoring ass with any of their friends' children who are pre-med or um, economics majors.

So their American dream is for you to study, go to an excellent school, dominate, and leave with the resume to acquire a cushy job in corporate America. Corporate America meaning working your way up the ladder -- despite being better and faster than anyone else on your level. The talent gap isn't just narrowing people, it's obliterating the experience gap too. Think about poker. You used to have to live and breathe poker to become a Doyle Brunson. Now you can became a grandmaster in three months with the help of the Internet. Weak.

But here's the other thing: traditional corporate America is also too slow (not to mention shady right?) to keep up with us. The sweet security of twenty years with one company is evaporating faster than the ozone. Many of the giants of American industry are collapsing; from internal or external pressures, they're collapsing. What's replacing them? Fast moving, mobile, young, tech companies. Or people who are bringing fresh ideas and mixing them together with old business ideas to create a golem company. Fast Company, it's not just a magazine, it's the way of the future. The near future; who knows what's around the next bend? Moore's Law is changing everything so fast -- even itself -- nothing can be built on a stable foundation. Venice is sinking? We're all sinking.

Why join the old guard when you can revise/reinvent it for bigger bucks, bigger acclaim, and dress casual all day? Plus work from home. Why should the sins of the fathers be visited upon the sons? The current company structure is collapsing; why rush to join a dying herd?

That's what everyone is starting to realize. I think.

Generation X was the generation a few years older than me. The now early 30-something young professionals who were the first of the slacker generation (see, Singles by Cameron Crowe). Generation Y? Nobody really dubbed us/them that, but I guess that's the obvious follow up to X right? Generation Why was, I guess, lost? See, Reality Bites by Ben Stiller.

But I realized something this weekend, we're not X or Y, I think we're more Generation Z. Z as in sleeping; Z as in Zenith. I mean, we're equipped with degrees (or intelligence anyway), with the world is our oyster mentality, but we're not sure what do with our pimped out rides. I mean, we literally have nowhere to go. So we wait. Because we've been taught to not drive unless there's a destination. The journey is the destination but gas is hella expensive isn't it? Plus, our parents will fight us every step of the way unless it's toward the sanitized version of success they gave up their lives for.

See the problem here?

Well, the good news is, everyone this generation is a Renaissance (Wo)Man. Think about it. We're not designed to just do one thing for forty years. We need more stimulation; we have more skills; we want motivation and inspiration, not a job. The problem is, we need to maintain our bank accounts too. What happens when you graduate? You're shoved (begrudgingly, happily, desperately) into a job where you start from the bottom and do one thing -- for me, it was filing. If you do that well, you then get to do two or three things. Ten years later, you get to manage people who each do two or three things apiece. Whoopee.
The Graduate. I'm sitting next to a guy right now, literally across from me (I envy his MacBook), who's writing screenplays -- which he just quit his job to do. He used to be a gourmet chef. He was a corporate headhunter. His hobbies include guitars, (real) reading, photography, surfing, and a slew of other things. He has a healthy dating life. He's a year younger than me. He graduated with a psychology degree. His first job out of college? Construction crew working to tear down the bar he used to hang out at as an underclassman.

I met him a few weeks ago so there's an iceberg of other talents to discover but already, he's more talented, qualified, and capable than most 35-year olds, wouldn't you say? I'm staying at his house the next couple of days courtesy of Brian-X -- who's equally Swiss Army knife-like and just moved here from New York to pursue writing and stand up comedy. They're having a wine and (grilled) cheese party this Friday. Fun eh?

That's just one example. Me, you, and everyone we know is like this, right?
The only thing our generation does slower than our parents' generation is marry. Some of us anyway. For the most part, we're slower to get married and thus have more time to devote to our individual pursuits. And even now, the people who do marry young, do so as a partnership; both parties are building separate lives but together. The speed bump here is that waiting so long to find "the One" also creates excess drama and baggage, which can really slow us down. But that's another story.

Every person I know has 5-15 top quality skills (defined as above average with the potential to be really above average). At least. They could literally do anything given the effort and time. Not everyone can be a rocket scientist; but not everyone wants to be one anyway. But we're all capable of doing something; many somethings. The problem is, we're not sure where to focus our energies, because we're constantly wondering "Will this make me happy?" So we attempt a dozen things at once while focusing on nothing; except maybe relationship, friends, clubbing, vacations, (corporate) career. We might also lack confidence because where would we gain confidence if our parents are against us and we're not exactly sure what we're doing either?

Thus, we take naps, we sleep, we wait. We wait for the Garmin to tell us where to go. From Zenith to Zion, to infinity and beyond. We know where we are trying to get to, we're just not sure how. And nobody can tell us, because our parents and peers are all just playing it by ear too.
Mike: “I went over her head. Oh God, I said Age of Enlightenment like a Las Vegas waitress is going to get an obscure French philisophical reference. It’s like I’m trying to show off to her. I might as well have said let me jump your ignorant bones.”

Trent: “Mikey don’t even sweat it, we’re gonna meet our honeys soon allright? You know that Christie’s friend is going to be money.”

Mike: “Excuse me, we’re in kind of a hurry.”

Waitress: “Hang on Voltaire.”
-Swingers-

e-Letters to Young Poets

Excerpt of an email I had to send out to some people:
It's been a nutty week for me. I'll try to explain it out. For the people I randomly (or incessantly) sent texts/emails/phone calls to, I'll explain later. To the people I yelled at, got frustrated with, got verbally abusive with, walked out on, scared the living bejeezus out of, or plain ass confused; thanks for your patience and um, sorry. I'll work on a better sorry when I see you. And if you absolutely hate me for anything I've said or did; well, um, we'll talk about it. Anyway, first things first.

(1) Get on Grand Central, just register and get an account,
you'll thank me later. Pick a good number too.
(2) Wait for the iPhone, seriously. Why buy any other phone? June 2007 release.
(2a + b) The Wii is ridiculous, best gaming system ever. I'm field testing the DS as we speak too.
(3) If you have no idea what this is all about, then ignore this email and we can talk about it later if you want to -- or not if you don't. Otherwise, all is good and all is fine and life continues as it were.

But if you have questions or need answers, please just email or call me okay? This game of Telephone is not working for me. Ask me first, then ask others if you want to. I'm emailing everyone I felt like I need to email at the moment; I'm not trying to make it any bigger of a "thing" than it already is.

If you really want, read jonyang2000.blogspot.com for now. It's a bit disjointed and crazy, but I'm working on it this week to clean it up. Ok? Thanks. And don't read it if you don't have the time or desire anyway, it's just my temporary repository for me. Ignore me at your leisure; I won't be offended. I just don't want to keep confusing/scarying/confusing people.

Last thing: the book is selling (thanks to all those who helped push it). So if you get in a bookstore, ask for it. Order it in stores, even if you never pick it up. Royalties man, royalties. I haven't been pimping the book hard enough; but now, I'm about to turn into PT Barnum with it (www.jonyang.org). Sell, Sell, Sell. Right Lilly? Flip the book around out of the Computer/Science section to you know, the best seller shelf. The cover to my book is pink and pretty, it'll look good out there -- especially if you strategically cover up *puke* "The Secret."

And if you have spare time, leave a review on Amazon (the US or UK site) for the book. The more reviews I get, the better. The Amazon algorithm takes into account reader reviews, and I track my Amazon rank like it's the stock market. Drop a review! Even if you've not read it. Ahem.

Last thing, seriously. If you care about my emotional/spiritual/physical/mental well being at all, pray or use your lucky charms/karma to insure that the Boston Celtics get the #1 pick in this year's NBA draft. Or at least the #2. No lower. Seriously. This is the thing that'll make me the happiest young man for the next decade(s). Boston Celtics, #1 draft pick, 2007 NBA Draft. Please! I need the Celtics to have a mini-dynasty in my lifetime, at least one. Please.......

Thanks for listening, thanks for being there, burritos for everybody.
"You just keep your faith in me
Don't act impatiently
You'll get where you need to be
In due time
Even when things go slow
Hold on and don't let go
I'll give you what I owe
In due time"
-Outkast, In Due Time-

Peace,

Apollo ONE-Oh

Holy Calamity, Scream Insanity!

Don't you love it when people self-diagnose themselves? "A Pity Party for One," and yeah, that phrase is already trademarked (albeit not by me). I always hated self-diagnosers. I mean, you can always come up with some reason for why you're sick/sad/depressed. As long as you're working on yourself and aware of the big picture; you'll be okay. I never understood the role of drugs in people's lives. "Good" or bad drugs. I never really get sad; for brief moments, but almost never. I never cry or lash out in frustration -- barring basketball or video games.
"Manic" describes an increasingly restless, energetic, talkative, reckless, powerful, euphoric period. Lavish spending sprees or impulsive risky sex can occur. Then, at some point, this high-flying mood can spiral into something darker -- irritation, confusion, anger, feeling trapped.
-Bipolar Disorder, Web MD-
I'm the most even keeled person I know. Some friends have wondered why I'm so happy-go-lucky all the time. I never knew. Good diet? Fast metabolism? Easy life? Good friends? Being a FOB? Good parents? Being a twin? All those were answers and really, why worry about why you're constantly happy; it's probably better to dwell on the eventual sadness that's sure to hit. Right? Nobody's looking for reasons WHY they're happy; they're looking for ways/reasons to BE happy. I've always been happy or joyful and full of excitement for life. Even when life has superficially sucked.

So anyway, all of that cracked last week (or so); at least in the eyes of the people around me.. I was yelling, screaming, talking hyperspeed, reckless, crying, euphoric, spending cash like I minted it; and um, well, no impulsive risky sex. But that's by design; I fear procreation, always have, always will. Anyway, my friends and family were freaked out. Like super freaked out. If there was a list of things I thought I'd never do in life, one of them might have been "End up in the back of a police car when I'm the main perpetrator."

Everyone's been scouring the Net for reasons behind my crazy actions. They've sent in the A-Team, The (Air) Wolf, The Cleaner, Jennifer Melfi, Ghost Dog, Clarice Starling, and everyone else in order to figure out what's going on. They still don't know. Hell, I don't know. But everyone has been bugging out and worried. I mean, I've told them at various points this week that I'm ready to die, when I'm going to go, and what to do when I die.

By the way, I'm having the best week ever because I've seen all my friends flock to me to hang out -- and to figure out what's wrong with me of course. I got to go home to San Diego; eat carne asadas, eat boba, eat eat eat, and found the greatest movie theatre ever (in Encinitas of all places). I even got my latent cavity filled by my dentist. I got the tattoos I wanted. In three days in San Diego, I did everything -- and more -- I'd wanted to do and had planned to do this summer. Aside from surfing; which it's still too cold to do. But I have all the time in the world to do that too; once I can figure out how to correctly paddle with pipe-cleaner width arms. And yes, I've tried working out...

I don't think anything's wrong. If anything, everything is perfectly, triumphantly, right. I'll try to explain why I believe that's so; now that I (finally) have the time to properly blog -- people around me restricted my phone/computer/wallet access after each transgression and in an effort to get me to slow down and sleep.

I was blasting out texts/emails/blogs/phone calls whenever anyone turned their back on me; since I needed to communicate and my avenues were getting systematically shut down. Didn't exactly inspire trust in my caretakers when I'd slip the leash each time they showered, napped, whatever. Anyway, I'll return to that topic later.

I never felt like a "real" writer because I never had the need to have to write. I mean, I just blogged a lot. That's not writing. I was addicted to blogging and that was more for fun; but last week, amidst all this, I figured out that I need to write. Finally. And I'm unafraid to be a writer now, instead of a blogger. Subtle difference, but big to me. You know?
"I start to think and then I sink
Into the paper like I was ink
When I'm writing, I'm trapped in between the lines,
I escape when I finish the rhyme...I got soul"
-Rakim, You Know You Got Soul-
Still, if I can't explain everything that happened and why -- to myself or others -- then I'm open to suggestions. Even drugs. But really, D.A.R.E. was some seriously shit so that's my last option. I'm aware that these could just be delusions (of grandeur) or visions or something chemically imbalanced; but let me self medicate first -- by writing and explaining -- then you can Brazil me. And if all else fails; I'll turn to G-O-D before medication. And most of you guys know I'm an organized religion hater so that's some serious backup plan.

Anyway, thanks everyone. I know you care; now (I hope) you know I care; and remember, "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." Peace.
"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"
-Kurt Vonnegut-

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Pursuit of Happy (Lorelai) Gilmore

Let's play a game. Supposing I was bi-polar, manic, whatever you call it, here's the names of my (public) blogs over the past seven years, in order: Yellow Brick Road, Inner Life, Anachronic, and Diorama. The next one will be Afterbang; for reasons to be explained later.

Typically, I just selected the names of my blogs for some (seemingly, to me) random reason. And then I just ran with a theme. For example, Yellow Brick Road was always written from a two person perspective; it was "The Wizard" and "The Tin Man." The Wizard was me; the Tin Man was me minus the heart.

I've always loved Wizard of Oz (movie, books, lore, etc) but I never really knew why. Anyway, the blog was at first read by three people. Me, Scandalynn, and GJN. That's it, three readers. I was just playing around with it because Jmz introduced me to blogging -- through his own blog and gomakross.org. I thought it was a great tool and much easier to update than the "thoughts" page of my rinky dink homepage from college (original versions dont' exist sadly).

The prime time for anyone to start reading/writing blogs is post-college. You're still curious about what your friends are doing, you're in a low paying administration job (if you're lucky) and you have time to surf the day away. Everyone I've started blogging has pretty much been working and bored out of their mind. Anyway, since I wrote YBR with two voices; people assumed it was two people. Most of my friends assumed it was Pan and I trading off. I let them believe it as long as they wanted. I had five readers anyway.
Here's the review it got (9/9/2001):
"Yellow Brick Road does not carry a yellow colour scheme. It does not mention Dorothy (though the writers are called 'The Wizard' and 'Tin Man'), and there is certainly no mention of any Elton John music. The design of the site is, frankly, poor. A lot of the download time is taken up a a pretty rubbish graphic on the side of the page, and instead of any internal navigation to speak of (archives, about, contact) there are only links off-site and a long, long series of posts dating back to the year 2000.

But the site redeems itself. It's strange, and unexpected; if I wasn't reviewing this site then I would leave it immediately without reading anything simply because the design is so uninspiring. It redeems itself by being different. There are two writers, and for every post they carry a conversation, each taking a different viewpoint, carrying a different opinion. It works very well (not always, but more often than not). The site would score higher if it was more a site and less a page; the design needs work but thankfully the content is just right."

  • Here's the link for all the header images for YBR. The site used to feature only a weirdly shrunken version of Dali's Hallucinogenic Toreador; my favorite painting ever.

  • I recall Transcended Joyce commenting on it, saying that it was a blog with (paraphrased) "the most posts on one page she'd ever seen."

  • Here's the Wayback Machine's archived versions of the blog.
  • sabbatical

    I'm taking a sabbatical from blogging for awhile. A long one. Like, you know, two days. My hyperwest domain name costs me $15/month for 100 megs of space. Wait, what? Yeah. I got it in like, 2001 okay? And now they're finally enforcing it so my site goes down. I have like 101.5 megs of info on there. That's like.... well, I'll let you do the math. I'm stupid, I'm overpaying, I know already. Sheesh. Somebody help me out....

    So, I'm working on the switchover, the takeover, so until then, I need to figure out how to get my server to another one. Until then, here's some "come follow along" pictures from the last few days. I'm gonna set myself up as a super mobile blogger. No, not mo-blog, but a blogger on the mo(ve)bile.

    I think: I blog therefore I think.

    If (Good) Looks Could Kill

    You know, I had no idea about the whole UofV story? Except that someone was shooting lots of other someones on Monday morning -- which I heard about briefly. Kind of insane right? I caught snip-its of the past few days; but on the drive home from LA to SD; I swore that was just made up. And when one gas attendant -- dude looked like a lady -- looked super scared to even offer me some basic information ("No, our bathroom is broken"); Jmz was like "Oh, he's probably scared because it was a Korean guy."

    "A Korean guy what?" Oh.

    The ramifications of this is pretty hard to predict; one thing for damn sure: nothing good can come out of this. Does this lead to Vincent Chin #2___? Who knows. But seriously, the fact that this guy left behind startling images/words/videos can only spread the fear that already exists in our inter-racial society.

    And Old Boy was a good movie; sort of.

    If Middle-Easterners and semi-brown people had much to fear post 9/11; do the yellow people have to fear post 4/16? I'm avoiding the news as much as possible until I wrap my mind around a few (personal) things but this is something that's hard to avoid. Holy shit Batman; I am Batman...

    If there's anything anyone could have changed about their lives this past week, I'm sure this would be it. People are trying to figure out who and why. But really; does it matter? It happened, and that's where we stand. Last, first, or otherwise.

    Am I going to wish that our predominant stereotype is effeminate, nerdy, and unintelligible? There are so many unhappy people in the world; help me... help you. help me, help you. Ambassador of Quan.