SLim

Tonight I was a super one-off at a friend's wedding. "One-off" meaning a friend who doesn't roll with your normal social circle and/or doesn't know anyone else you know. One-offs aren't acquaintances because they are definitely friend status, people you make special time for, but for some reason or another your lives hardly ever cross. If you're interested in the etymology of the term, it's here. I like thinking of it as "one of a kind."

Anyway for this particular wedding I had a plus one, which I rarely have, and I wasn't really sure what to do with it. I mean, I was going to bring James because well, it's James. And we're Facebook married. But he's in Alaska on the mother of all reunion trips. Seriously, check out his moblog pictures. He's cornered the market on Wangs. That left only one person who even remotely would know the bride. No go due to moral conflict. So I was pretty much ready to roll solo to a wedding with two hundred people I didn't know.

Old me wouldn't have blinked. I've been to two or three weddings solo before. Solo defined by I had no idea who else was going to be there and I didn't bring anyone with me. Those all went off very nicely though as I either saw unexpected semi-friends or met someone I got along with. However, new socially awkward weird me doesn't fare well in these situations anymore. I don't know what the hell I was on, thinking that I could do a wedding solo. I'm not that guy anymore. I have newfound social anxiety and prefer to recreation within my lines.

Somewhere along the way the past few years I've pretty much lost all ability to talk to random people. Which is pretty strange considering I've been in a fair number of situations when I've had to just be social and handle meeting people. I think as I got older and more insular that particular social muscle atrophied and flabbed out. I could chalk the uncomfortableness up to lack of motivation but I know that's not entirely true. I had all the motivation in the world to talk to people at a wedding. It's five hours staring off into the distance or fiddling with your mobile versus chatting amiably with some humans. Guess which one I picked?

Luckily my solo wedding didn't stay solo for long as Vy graced me with her presence on super short notice and totally saved me (basically riding in on a white horse). Weddings are awkward enough as it is and when you're a one-off at a table of one-offs, it's just that much harder. Vy was awesome as one of two, plus we got to catch up and hang out. And eat chocolate covered strawberries injected with alcohol, which if you didn't know, are the hot new thing in weddings this season.

I do believe I tried to pawn my sister off to some guy who lived in Fremont for a potential date. And no, I didn't drink that much. He seemed nice, he knew how to have a conversation, and he had his initials monogrammed onto the cuff of his sleeves. Cool right? So, how bout it George?

The logic I guess is that if you're a one-off of someone then they'd have to be a one-off for you. Or maybe that's not true, I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it some more. It's crazy to think of how long your one-offs can stay semi-anonymous to your regular life. I've known Stacey for just over ten years now. Ten years and she knows about most of my friends but have only met a handful. You'd think over a decade or so people would just start to meet each other. That's what weddings are for I guess. My wedding will be a one-off bonanza. Unless somehow I can cross my streams fast enough to create a nice beautiful ocean.

We celebrated Stacey's first legal drink together, which seems laughable in retrospect because we know what a drinker I'm not. There was raving and K-clubbing the summer I met her -- which was the one right after I broke up with my first girlfriend, coincidentally also named Stacey -- and she was a pretty integral part of both of those experiences. For one, she knew more people in LA than seemed humanly possible and that fact was proven time and time again as I'd run into her everywhere when going out in later years.

Stacey was also teaching English in Beijing when I was there, which was a godsend at the time because I felt so starved for friends and friendly interactions. On New Year's Day in New York one year she made a snowman in our apartment complex's yard while I watched from indoors (because I'm a total girl and it was cold as hell). Her inner kid glowed in accomplishment. One of her birthday parties was held at the Magic Castle, which is this mansion in Hollywood where actual magicians train. The general public can't even go in for shows unless they have a magician friend. Stacey did, of course.

Seeing the people at her wedding, with a new husband that I've met just once before, was interesting. In talking to some of her friends the things about her that I appreciate most are echoed by everyone else, which in a way makes perfect sense because one-offs aren't people who see less of you, they're people you choose to be friends with despite lack of convenience or life proximity. Which is a nice way of thinking about it I think.