winning isn't everything, it's nothing. i've been watching a lot of reality competition shows. obviously, if you watch any tv at all, this is sort of unavoidable. in these shows, there's a main goal (eg. win the girl) and then an overarching goal (get good ratings). basically the shows i'm focusing on are the ones where a panel of judges are making the eliminations, not fellow contestants or the audience. examples of shows that fit this description is project runaway, top model, and any of the numerous "cheerleader" competitions available on the nfl and nba channels.

in all of these shows you get a behind the scenes glimpse at how a selection process is made. how one negative comment can turn the tide of favor, how one person can have undue influence in a supposedly democratic environment, and how arbitrary many of the decisions are. "i liked her/him because of this..." it's very rare that the audience seems to agree with the panel of experts. perhaps this is an indicator that those skilled in their profession are looking for entirely different things than the average viewer, but really, can we be so wrong?

but that's not the issue that springs to mind when i watch these shows. the thing i can't stop thinking about is how judgemental these shows are. if real life worked like this, where you're being judged for every action (or inaction), that would be hell right? but then it hit me. wait, we are being judged like this, for everything we do. and not in the spiritual sense either. tupac had it wrong, god's not the only one who can judge us now.

we're judged at every moment by strangers, friends, family, and um, friends. but even aside from that type of judging, when you enter onto the path towards a career (essentially, that starts in kindergarten, if not earlier) you're always in direct competition with someone.

forget selling your soul, you have to sell yourself first. in order to get a job, and then maintain a job, you have to constantly prove that you're better than the next guy. there's no room for complacency. since i'm shallow and ultimately only interested in celebrities and athletes, it pains me to hear about their travails having to prove themselves time and time again. even a spectacularly talented actress such as charlize theron had to go out of the way to gain credibility and respect in her field of work. an athlete is constantly pressured to prove himself to be as good, or better, than yesterday. even when you reach the top of your field, you'll find that you can't escape the rat race. and if you choose to exit the rat race, you're a loser, straight up.

understanding that life is a rat race is no great insight. sometimes i look at the crushing amount of future competitions that stand in the way between here and now and i just get tired. and then i feel bad for these girls on television who are giving it their all, for what? nothing! to enter into another round of competition, this time with more competitors and less press coverage. it all seems like a waste sometimes doesn't it?

i work at a very performance based job. you have a goal, a target number, for each day, each week, each month. at first it was a mini-thrill to do well. to prove that you could be good, that you could exceed the norm. but that buzz quickly fades. after all, when faced with another couple hundred days of this, what's the point? promotion? bonuses? please. i don't work in jobs where promotions and bonuses are part of my lexicon. so why compete and win against your co-workers when there seems to be no point to it all?

the long term perspective on this is that there will always be winners and who really cares, or notices, if you're not one of them. the key to job satisfaction is to be happy at being slightly above the norm. no better, no less. of course, this is not the stuff inspirational movies are derived from. and it makes any job sort of boring and makes you unmotivated. extrapolating this feeling out to all aspects of life, the question has to be asked: why win at all?

the only things i actually enjoy winning in are the ones that give me little spurts of pleasure. board games, trivia games, fantasy sports, real sports, some video games, etc. but in those instances, it's not about the winning as much as the playing. but for someone to be fueld by purely winning, that's not "competitive," that's just "winning." so i'd say i'm competitive by nature, but not really a winner (double entendre, i know). and the longer i think about it, the more i'm convinced that i don't really want to win at anything since really, "winning" is just a function of the mind. nobody makes you a winner, you make you a winner! and even when you win, that satisfaction lasts only so long -- the lifespan of winning seems to last about as long as a stick of juicy fruit.

there athletic champions each year, top model winners each cycle, olympic gold medalists every four years, men of the year each year... why win? why compete? it's all pretty pointless don't you think?