"who is that girl i see,
staring straight back at me,
why is my reflection someone i don't know,
somehow i cannot hide
who i am, though i've tried,
when will my reflection show who i am inside?
when will my reflection show who i am inside?"
-reflection, mulan-

mirror, mirror. unbeknownst to me, there's a rumor going around that i'm opinionated. and difficult. i added that difficult part, but it might as well be there. in hip hop parlance i'd be labeled "a hater." apparently i have an opinion -- often bad -- about everything. this was pointed out to me, not kindly, and since then i've been trying to take mental notes of the comments i make. people are right, pretty much all of my comments start with me talking about someone/something and then ending with "i don't like that" and then listing reasons why.

i'm also picky. about where i go, who i go with, what kind of entertainment will be available, when things will end, what kind of reassurance i'll have about a non-wasted time guarantee. everything. i had no idea.

i thought i just an idea of what i prefer, and that i had strong opinions about things. i mean, i like opinionated people. i liked myself. now my entire self image has been shattered. i'm not amusingly dismissive with an eye for truth, i'm a prima donna. it's disheartening. i thought i was one of the most flexible people i knew, down to do anything and go anywhere. but no. it's all a lie.

my only consolation to myself is that i have good reasons for disliking things. maybe they aren't great reasons, but they're at least well composed and well thought out reasons. and that should count for something right? i don't irrationally hate things. that would be silly.

with this torch of truth now shed upon me, i'll understand when people don't want to hang out with me. i mean, i'm opinionated. i've had friends like this. they say something, i disregard them because they're just being difficult. i scoff at their stupid likes and dislikes. but now i've let my own negative attitudes seep into my daily life. i didn't think i did but apparently my cover is blown. don't opinionated people deserve friends too? work with me here.

actually. i hate things okay? i admit it. i'm picky, i'm opinionated, and i don't give a damn. i hate dim sum! ok, sorry. just letting it all out. instead of taking the path of a normal person, i will not back down from my opinions but will instead fashion them to be stronger and more forceful in order to convince the people around me that i'm right. because i am dammit. go find a vanilla friend if you don't want me around. i have my sidekick and my blog, and they're more reliable than any of you anyway. i hate humans, go electronics.

other statements made about me in the past week. "you're more woman than both of us combined." "i think you'd want to out-sass anyone you were with." even taken out of context, these statements don't really bode well for my perception among peers.

my other annoying habit is asking lots of questions. well not a lot. just the same one. over and over. try me sometime. even when i know the answer or just asked the exact same question five minutes ago, i ask it again. i also tend to answer questions with questions. someone will ask me "what is bobby's email address?" i'll answer quickly with "bobby?" knowing full well which bobby (since we only have one in common) and then returning with the email address. i'm not sure why i do this. maybe i repeat things in question format to buy me some time. so i can form some sort of opinion. "oh that bobby, i don't like him. here's his email address if you really want but he's such a loser."