there are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't. there are two kinds of friends, reliable and unreliable. reliable people are there, on time, prepared and ready to go. unreliable people, in a word, aren't. reliable people stand waiting by and are available at the drop of a button. unreliable people take some cajoling and convincing, and even then they may never show. reliable people call you back at their earliest opportunity. unreliable people say "oops sorry, i forgot to call you back, how you doing?" reliable people make the world go round. unreliable people get around.



it's not better or worse to be reliable or unreliable. you just have to realize what you can tolerate in a certain individual. some people can be counted on and some people can't. some people measure the success of a friendship based on "will he/she/it be there for me when the chips are down?" and while this is a great question, it's also a little too easy. most people will be there for you when the chips are down. when your back is against the wall, your friends better be there for you or they aren't even real friends anyway. but it's in the normal everyday things, where reliable and unreliable make subtle impacts and reverberations, that determine the scope of a person. like who listens when you need them to, like who remembers what you tell them, like who is on time when they're supposed to be on time.



ok, i have to check myself. being on time and being prepared aren't really about being reliable or unreliable. that's something separate. so scratch that.



some friends you know will always call you back, will stick to their committed word, will show up when you expect them to, will be there when you need support, will shut up and listen when you want it. some friends are borne by the wind and come flying in and out of your life at their whim. this is fine if you can deal with it. actually, many of my best friends do this, come crashing into my life for a few hours or days at a time, and then jet off for months without any communication. i think i deal with it well because that's pretty much what i do. takes one to know one no? but some people can't, they equate contact and proximity with closeness and friendship. i don't think this is necessarily the case. some people are just not very good at staying rooted and responsible.



in the exchange of friendship, it's supposed to be all even. if i'm flighty and you're flightly, cool, we understand each other. if i'm flighty and you're not but you understand me, cool. but there are times when problems arise. times when the rooted responsible friend feels obligated to...how to put this delicately..."eat shit"...because they are friends. they have to suck it up because they care. this is when emotional attachments and friendships start to mess with my neat little simplistic "exchange of friends" ideal. because sometimes one friend is more willing to be a giver and they may not like it, but they do it because "hey, we're friends." this is great in theory and i'd agree with it on a humanistic level. but i don't think it's right.



if you feel too overextended or inconvenienced for a friend, even a good friend, you are totally within your rights to say "sorry bub, can't do that for you." especially if you feel like in a reverse situation, they wouldn't do it for you. in fact, it's practically your prerogative to say no. actually i'll go so far as to say that it is your prerogative to say no. i'm swashbuckling bold, i know. i think putting the foot down makes all the difference. because sometimes the exchange part of a friendship gets lost. and it becomes about "true friendship equals not tallying the exchanges." but keep it real. we are all nerdy mathematics via in-breeding. and we can count and we shouldn't be afraid to do it.