Big Game Hunters

We've recently begun this new theory. Or rather, just a comparison. We like comparisons.

You can define a guy's dating style by assigned them animals. I probably don't need to explain further but I will. For example, we know a friend who has the (girl-)hunting style of a cheetah. Once he sees something he likes, he takes off running; tirelessly chasing (obsessing) until she exhausts herself. Then he catches up to her and suffocates her to death -- or into a relationship -- with a clench to the throat. The suffocation is necessary because the cheetah's jaws aren't strong enough to break the neck of the prey it hunts. That's one style.

Another one is the pack hunter, like a wolf or a killer whale. This guy needs his group to surround and envelope the "kill." Working in concert with a bunch of friends (often unknowingly), this hunter can strike from the blind-side and get dates by exclusively working with teammates.

Then we have the tiger. Designed for camouflage, powerful weapons of destruction, and always works alone. Hum, I wonder who that could be? The possibilities here are endless.

Of course, we also have the flip side. If men are animals -- instinctive dumb ones at that -- then what are females? Vegetation! Beautiful flowering plants if you prefer. Since most women are generally the chasee, it makes total illogical sense to assign them the stationary plant role. But it can get so much more complicated since plants are really predators too.

We all know about the cactus girl who's initially hard to get close to but then opens up after exposing her soft underbelly. Or the woman who charms by dazzlingly displaying her wares for all the world to see. Then there's the meantime girl, who can best be assigned the plant value of moss, hanging ivy, or weeds. Often it comes down to not "Why" in these cases but "Why not?"

Comparisons for roses, palm trees, and poppies are easily made for the females I know. And don't even get me started on venus fly traps, pitcher plants, and things of that ilk. "Girls are smart, don't throw yourselves at them!"

While this can't be the most original comparison point of all time, it sure is amusing when applied to your friends. Well, at least it's amusing to me.

Alternately, we had used the plant cycle of life to describe how a certain person patterns their dating life. Some people are evergreens, constantly dating; some are seasonal, blooming only spring or summer. And oh those perennials: live and die by the sword of love but always coming back for more. Some people date so rarely -- seemingly every three thousand years like the mythical udumbara -- or so quickly that it seems like whole relationships blossom and falter in just a few days (a corpse flower relationship).

?uestlove

Here's a list of questions a friend recently asked me:

a. Do you feel successful?
b. Do you feel fulfilled?
c. Do you feel bored?
d. Do you feel influential?
e. "In life, one must choose between boredom and suffering." Do you agree with this?
f. How do you measure success?

She requested "Yes/No" answers because she's traveling in Peru or something. Which leads me to believe that she's pondering these same questions herself. Keep in mind that she's hardly on a quarter-life crisis expedition. She's well on her way to graduating from the Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs at Princeton. Her first week on campus, she saw John Nash shuffling around. Yeah, he of the Beautiful Mind.

By many standards of traditional success, this particular friend is well on her way to a fulfilling and important life. This is after meandering her way from a liberal arts degree to a possible fine arts career, to hosting a NPR-style radio show in Taiwan. Life pushes you in funny directions but it always comes back to the same questions doesn't it?

Most of my conversations with Mary revolve around defining and finding happiness. I'm a puzzle to her because I'm consistently happy while also consistently achieving nothing. She's a go-getter who consistently achieves but is never consistently satisfied -- forcing her to reflect every step of the way.

Now that we're both "doing something," it seems like we're coming ever closer to achieving the Five Points of Success (Career, Friendship, Relationship, Health, General Happiness). But it hardly seems much different than before.

Many times, people assume you're doing well because your paper life is doing well. Great job, fulfilling relationship, wonderful friends, happy, etc. But many times, despite outward appearances, nothing's right at all.

Here's my question: Which would you rather have? Help or self-help?

The Funnies

Went to the Ice House to watch Brian perform last night. First things first, it's not easy to be a stand-up comedian. Think about it. You're in front of an audience trying to convince them that you're worth their time. Looking at the modes of persuasion blog from a few days ago, a stand-up comedian rarely has any of those three factors going for him off the bat. In fact, the crowd is more likely to be against you than be neutral.

If ever there was a measure of a man (or woman), stand-up must be one of them. Having said that, Brian did a very good job. He's funny. Yes folks, he's funny. Having only seen three of the other nine comedians performing, it's unfair for me to say that he was the funniest but he definitely wasn't the unfunniest. I mean, he didn't move all this way out here to pursue comedy and not be funny. Here's the video of his set, he easily got the most laughs per minute from the night.

I'd imagine it's hard to even aspire to be a comedian. I mean, the sheer mystery of how the comedy scene works and how to succeed in it would be a huge hurdle for me. What are the steps that turn one into a success? What does a successful comedian look like? I mean, it's that way with any artistic pursuit you're trying to turn into a vocation. You start to wonder what it takes to make X amount of money. It's no longer about the art but how to monetize that art.

You can write, dance, sing, stand-up, gyrate, or paint all day and be the best at it but you'll be nowhere without an audience. Like Brian mentioned as we ate tacos after the show, he didn't realize how much self-promotion it takes to get ahead. And it's true. You're not selling your talent, you're selling yourself to people. Big difference.

The general public is hardly capable of judging an artist based on artistic merit. People could care less if someone is original or not; they just want to be entertained. Getting booked for gigs mainly comes down to how many butts you can get in seats. Who cares if you suck? If you can get a thousand people to watch you suck, you're a success! It's not even about selling out; it's about trying to eat and pay rent.

I, myself, can't wait to sell out. It's one thing to appreciate art but quite another to capably create it. Cream rises to the top but (other people's) money stays put unless you go grab it.

10 Things I Hate About You

1. No instant messenger
2. The basic phone plans come with only 200 SMS; upgrade to 1500 costs $9.99
3. Headphone jack is recessed making many third party earphones useless
4. You can't flip the keyboard horizontal except while using Safari
5. Unable to send one text to multiple people
6. It's too pretty to carry around without worrying about it getting dirty (or stolen)
7. No 3G network access; although WiFi is nice
8. Email program isn't well designed; hard to delete multiple emails
9. You can only moblog one picture at a time
10. No copy/cut/paste function, like at all

Of course I opened it, of course.