My mom wants me to grow my hair back. Each time i shave it she grimaces and makes funny faces and shakes her head in disappointment. She makes it a point to note how sloppy and ugly i look with my bald head. She says that if i ever decide to do the business i can't have hair like this because it will be taken as a sign of disrespect and immaturity. I kind of agree with her to a little extent but yet i have held back on growing it because i really don't want to. I don't know if this is yet another sign of my immature defiance and inability to accept responsibility but i feel that having a shaved head isn't nearly the worst impression i could give off. I agree that my earrings and baggy pants wouldn't fly so well as a businessman but is having a shaved head really that revolutionary and anti-establishment? My mom's friend says that i have to bang my head against every wall before i will admit failure and that i should just listen to the wisdom of elders. That chafes at me too, the wisdom of elders. I fear one day that i will become an old geezer who dispenses wisdom that is ignored by those younger than me. Is that how i am now? It makes so much logical sense to listen to people with experience yet much of the advice i hear i dismiss as outdated and out of touch with the times. Am i being ignorant and prideful or am i being smart in sticking to my own experiences and opinions?

My mom yesterday at dinner was looking over the pictures from the service in China with some friends and she off-handedly was telling them that she would like to bring the pastor who did the service into the factory. I really should of left it alone seeing as it wasn't really an appropriate moment but i had to ask why she would bring him in. Her reply was basically so that he could talk to them and share the gospel and whatnot. I remember once in China when my mom queried this one worker if he had remembered the song she had played for him. He did a little bit and tried to whistle it for her. My mom brightened up because it was a song from a Christian CD and she said that they had "never heard it before."



My problem with what my mom said was basically her intent to bring religion into people's lives. These aren't friends or family, they are purely workers. Of course whatever you do they will be influenced to pay particular attention. My mom kind of jokingly said that "i'm the boss." It's nice to share things that are important to you but when you do it in a business capacity then i think you're taking it too far. But in general that is what happens alot with religion (especially Christianity). This overwhelming urge to share "the truth" at any and every turn annoys me to no end. Just becaues i like hip hop music doesn't mean that i should be able to hold a special session for "Hip Hop 101" and share that with the factory workers.



It's perhaps petty of me but i kind of get weirded out by high amount of Christianity that my mom is bringing into the services. My dad was not Christian and while he may have been more interested as he got older it strikes me as odd that suddenly everyone is praying left and right in our house. I don't have a huge problem with having a Christian ceremony if that's what my mom wants but her sudden assertation of all this Christian thinking is putting me on edge. I am half expecting, half avoiding the time when she'll ask me to talk to the pastor about any "questions or regrets" i might have.

Perhaps the most frustrating time i've had the past couple of days is trying to entertain myself while sitting in front of a slow computer with a modem connection. All the surfing i used to do is simply a hair jerking test of my patience. I am reduced to sitting here with my broken knee, playing computer games with myself. I hop downstairs for meals and that's about it. I have been lucky enough to be rescued for Jamba Juice (James), buo ba (Hong and Gaga) and Denny's (Monica) on consecutive days so i can't really complain.



Lots of aunts and uncles (not real aunts and uncles, i just don't know what to call them besides the direct chinese translation) have been coming by. It's actually very heartwarming to see all my mom's friends come over to take care of her, to cook and clean and to feed us. She has been staying up late talking to various friends and i think that has been a good thing, even though it leaves her really tired. The majority of these aunts and uncles i don't even recognize but apparently they know all about me. They know almost every little detail of my life in the past few years and i wonder when my mom told them all these things. I'm getting a little sick of explaining my situation to these aunts and uncles but they only do it out of goodwill so i suck it up and deal with it.

I am hurt. Again. Right as i was swinging into the car yesterday to leave, my knee popped and twisted and now it's immobilized and i can't straighten it. It hasn't happened at all since summer but if felt just like when i hurt it back in March. After a late lunch at Claim Jumper's i had to go to Des' house and borrow her dad's crutches. So now while i'm supposed to be taking care of my mom, she has to take care of me for a couple of days as my knee relaxes. Wack. Crutching and hopping around is embarassing.



Watched Harry Potter yesterday which was a little disappointing. I'm not sure if it was a function of reading the book but me and Lynnchen both didn't like it that much. It was a very long film and while it wasn't exactly boring it wasn't really exciting either. They did follow the book very well though and didn't leave out too much. Some of the special effects were really bad. Go watch it if you want because there'll be six more of these things and you might as well know what all the fuss is about.

Last night we went out clubbing in downtown San Diego. Pretty much everyone i knew in San Diego came out and it was nice to have so many different groups of friends there. A few of us met up at Fumari's first and then more and more people started showing up and we had to get three pipes and it got to the point where we were taking up too much sidewalk space so half the group headed off the E Street. Lynn came down from Irvine, Babbs and a few of his friends were there, all the Mt Carmel people came out, the Rancho Bernardo people were there (including Des who is a newly minted 21), even Grace came out. In short, people got liquored up, danced alot and had a good time. We actually ended up leaving a little early at 2 am because Babbs had a little too much and had to be escourted outside. We went to Roberto's afterwards and then called it a night. I'd never gone out with the Mt Carmel people really and it's been awhile since i've been out with the West Coast people so the whole night was just a joy for me.



The capper was coming back to my house with Lynn and Victor and James and then getting a video handed to me by Lynn that had been made by all the New York people. In it, they all sat down and gave me Real World confessional-like messages and also created a skit, "A Day in the Life of Jon" starring Greg. He put on my clothes (and looked freakishly alot like me) and then they proceeded to mock my everyday existence. It was funny as hell though. They also did a hilarious fashion show featuring the JonJon FOB line of clothes which was basically all the crap leftover in my closet. The outfits that they put together were crazy and i was embarassed to realize that all those clothes were mine. The sound was kind of in-and-out during the video so i have to watch the original at some point but for now thank you so much to Randall, Gerard, Greg, Victor, Louis, Lynn, Angie, Amit, Karina, Steve, Kyle, Pierre and Leslie!

"Until then Dr. Juvenal Urbino and his family had conceived of death as a misfortune that befell others, other people's fathers and mothers, other people's brothers and sisters and husbands and wives, but not theirs. They were people whose lives were slow, who did not see themselves growing old, or falling sick, or dying, but who disappeared little by little in their own time, turning into memories, mists from other days, until they were absorbed into oblivion."

-Love in a Time of Cholera-

Thanksgiving. A time for family and the time that my dad was supposed to have come back from China. My mom is holding up surprisingly well. I think the deluge of things to take care of has helped her keep her mind on the tasks at hand. We had dinner tonight at Black Angus with my mom, George, Chris, my god sister Jessica, her mom and her mom's boyfriend. Jessica is getting married soon as i mentioned before and it's strange because her dad passed away a few years ago and my dad was supposed to be the one to walk her down the aisle. Now that job falls to her mother i guess.



Anyway. It's been a good couple of days because i've been trying to pull as much as i can out of this time in San Diego. Surprisingly, everyone from everywhere is back for the holiday weekend and it's been really good to see alot of old faces. Last night i went to Fumari's with Hong, Babbs and GaGa. Adam and Minh showed up and then Josh and Jeremy, whom i haven't seen in almost two years, stopped by. I even got the chance to see Victor Wang and JenTa, both of whom i haven't really seen in close to two years also.



Tonight after dinner i went over to Isabel's and saw everyone from Mt Carmel who i used to hang out with a bit. Trieu, Jessica, Monique, Brandon, Victor, JenTa...lots of people. Izzie is teaching english in Japan and so she is only here for a couple of days. We went to get Mexican food (she too misses the raw carnage that is the carne asada) and then to sing. It was interesting to see what everyone was up to nowadays, a few months or years removed from college. Live has changed alot and people are now in very different circumstances but in the end it's still nice to know that people have kept in touch and whatnot.



The backroad from my house over to the Rancho Penasquitos area where the majority of my friends live is finally finished after perhaps six years of incompleteness. This road is the scene of my disastrous car wreckage of high school and now it's all paved and beautiful.

Me and George worked in the factory for a few hours the last two days in China and that was very interesting as well as fun. The first day we learned to sodder flute pieces together. The next we learned how to put assemble all the pieces onto the the flute. There are about 120 pieces on a flute and to watch and learn how each piece is made, put together and then polished is incredible. Because there are so many pieces and each flute is hand crafted, there are huge amounts of discrepancies between the quality of work you receive. Reading over the minor problems that need to be fixed on the instruments is mind boggling and i now have a whole new understanding and appreciation of an instrument that i have played for years. We pretty much sucked soddering and assembling and that opened up my eyes to how difficult and precise these workers have to be.



Also, sitting in on the business meetings and getting a glimpse of the challenges that affect a manufacturing and sales business was highly educational. The link between amount of production and predicted sales pretty much determines the future of a company. Econ in college is pretty much meaningless when you are trying to deal with real world concepts like how many of each kind of flute to produce and whether or not that goal is capable of being reached. The amount of foresight and experience needed in making even the smallest of decisions is astounding and intimidating. I've decided that the majority of things you learn in class is pretty much useless in the real world. But we knew that already.

I am back now in the States. It's a good feeling. The flight was uneventful except for a Wang Zhi Zhi sighting. Wang Zhi Zhi is the first Chinese basketball player to be signed by an NBA team, he's also a tad over seven feet tall and absolutely gigantic. He was on our flight over from Beijing and i guess he is coming over now after his Chinese National Team commitments to play for the Dallas Mavericks.



I think i've conquered my fear of flying. I used to grip the seats on takeoff and during turbulence but now i just kind of roll with it and try to believe a statistic i read a few years ago that more people die annually riding on donkeys than they do on airplanes. That statistic is probably outdated by now but it still gives me rational strength. I think i can learn to handle the 12 hour commute between China and the US by sleeping alot. It's nice to know that at least one of my skills might be useful in the future.

The trip is almost over. We leave China this Wednesday. There's been so much going on here and so much resonating on my head that to put it all down now would leave reams and reams of mindless blabber on the page. In short, China has been much better than i expected. The weather hasn't been horrible. The particular part of the country where i've been isn't claustrophobically filled with people. The food here is excellent. The bathrooms suck but that's kind of hard to change. The people at the factory have been extremely nice and extremely helpful. It's a little strange because many of the factory workers are around our age and yet they are doing factory labor for $100 a month. I didn't get the chance to interact with many of the actual workers but i am kind of interested in asking how they grew up, what their goals are, what their life is like, stuff like that. They are also apt to treat me and George with almost too much respect, it weirds me out to have people waiting on us while we eat. I actually don't see too much of a cultural difference yet but i think that should i ever stay here for an extended amount of time i will get a better grasp of those things.



Right now my uncle has decided to manage the company for a little while and that gives me more breathing room to decide what i might do. I think there are one of four possibilities: (1) stay in California, finish school, go on with whatever life i can create for myself (2) finish school and then go to work at the company (3) go to London or San Jose and start learning about the sales side of the business (4) go to China and start learning the manufacturing side of the business. Right now however i am wavering on whether or not i want to do the business at all. It is a great opportunity for me to learn and to grow up but i feel like if i choose this route, my life is set. I will travel. I will often be outside the US. I will be a businessman in the musical instrument industry forever. While it has been pointed out to me that nothing is a life commitment, i'm approaching this decision as such because i cannot go into it without the willingness and mindset of giving it my all. I cannot leave if it gets too tough or go back into the company at some later point. Either way, i have until the new year in California and by then, some sort of decision and plan will be reached.

It's a little difficult to comprehend all that has happened in the past week. I was informed late last Thursday night that my father had passed away in China. Right now i am at his factory in Lang Gang, an hour outside of Beijing. We arrived here on Thursday after a weekend of waiting at San Diego for a replacement for my lost passport. I flew home last Friday but due to my missing passport my mom went ahead to China while me and George waited. Life had undeniably changed but the weekend in San Diego, at home, with friends was almost eerily "normal." Despite this awkwardness, i am really glad i had a few days to collect myself before we headed out here.



My father owns a woodwinds company that has factories in China and Taiwan, as well as various offices around the world... the state of the company was a question that weighed heavily upon everyone's minds. Amidst the shock and the grief of my father's passing, decisions had to be made very soon about what direction the company would now be headed. I had basically come to the conclusion that at some point i would have to become involved in the company, in whatever capacity was necessary. This kind of left me in fear that i would come to China and immediately have to stay to learn and the help.



As things have progressed i've gotten a bigger glimpse of what my role will be like in the upcoming years. I probably won't be uprooted to China immediately. I will be out of New York. I probably will finish school. I probably will be home for Thanksgiving. I might be home for Xmas.



It's amazing for me to sit here and see my father's new factory, something that he had always wanted me to see. It is huge and employs and houses 170+ workers. In speaking with many of my father's friends and workers i've had the chance to fully grasp how much my dad has built while i've been off recklessly enjoying life.



Thanks to everyone who thought of us and know that your support is much appreciated.

Had an excellent mid-week night of chilling and relaxing in the city. Randall had the brilliant idea of hanging out at Leslie's so we went there for dinner and basically just sat around feeling family like. Leslie cooked (curry, cabbage and pork) for a good two hours while we ate all her cookies. Mandisa managed to escape work for a little bit so we all bummed and watched Temptation Island and ate and laughed and generally had a really good time. Nights like this need to happen more often.

That's my second realization i guess. People are bad but with enough community effort and education we can do good things. Perhaps "God" is right in proclaiming that we are all sinners. That's a conversatin for another day though. For now i'm content with "people are bad but life is good."

That makes the human race more amazinging doesn't it? That we can still be beautiful and majestic even while our inner selves yearn to break and destroy.

The majority of people are socially conditioned to be good and we survive by trying to fight against our baser instincts. It is much easier to tear something down than to build something, good is a very delicate thing. As i see it now, a few specks of dirt in a pristine glass of water still makes the water dirty. My eyes are opened, i can no longer go on the assumption that the world is a good and benign place. People are selfish and evil and bad.

Ah, now you're finally thinking. Good is only a social tradition. Helping others actually probably goes against human nature. As animals we are supposed to be survivors. We are supposed to kill to support ourselves...us against them. The law of the jungle.

See, at first, being an optimistically inclined person i would have to say that the majority of people are good. Sure there are a couple of bad apples but those are the exceptions to the rule. I mean, aren't we as the caretakers of Earth an intelligent and majestic race? If we weren't how have we come so far? In times of tragedy we pull together and lend each other a helping hand. But it recently dawned on me (partly due to watching the Matrix and listening to the "humans are viruses" speech) that if we truly are inherently good, we wouldn't need to be pounded with "be good" speeches. All of our social institutions and traditions are built to ensure that each generation understands and respects other people and the world around us. If we are already inclined to be good why do we need to be reminded "to do good" and to have that beaten into our conscience?

How naive you are, i've known all along that people are bad. That's why rampant cynicism is my code and creed. Tell me more about why you've suddenly come over to the dark side.

I would like to think that people are inherently good. You know, people are inclined to do good things, create goodness, be good, eat good, dress good, dance good.....good. All personal experience supports this hypothesis but when you spread the net a little wider the "people are good" theory no longer really works.

It has been ten years since Magic Johnson told the world that he contracted HIV. That's a pretty ::adjective:: thought. He is a pretty amazing man. The Bears scored 21 points in a little over four minutes for their second straight overtime win. The Yankees finally lost. Lorenzen Wright had 33 points and 26 rebounds on his 26th birthday. Sports is the grandest, least predictable form of entertainment (and it's free). Tragedy, unbelievable deeds, "once in a lifetime" players and plays, it just keeps cycling over and over.



In a related story...Porta just beat me in a game of chess. Woe is me.

I'm back from Michigan after four days of non-blogging...and my world is okay. To put it very succintly, Michigan was great. The drive up and down with Brian was really good, got a chance to talk and to catch up after a whole summer of being three miles away but not seeing each other. Spent fully one fifth of a five day trip in a moving vehicle, which was surprisingly not that horrible. The party at UIUC and the performances by funKtion and Dance 2XS were amazing. As Heather counted up, we had a magical thirty nine people from Michigan invading Illinois. Palak, Sam and Vidya drove to Washington DC for an Indian dance competition and then drove all the way from there to UIUC (still beating me, Kyle and Eric by a few hours however). Lynn, Leslie and Je-Yi flew into Chicago and arrived in time for the festivities. Eric and Anna came down from Chicago too. In short, most everyone was there. It's hard to envision such a large collection of people together again outside the state of Michigan.



The weekend was pretty much a blur. Besides the UIUC trip i ate at Pizza House a few times, met up with some people, hung out and basically bummed a bit. I keep on thinking that i'll "never walk through the Diag" again but each time i do it's like i'm just lying to myself. All in all, the weekend was a perfect condensed version of the type of life i would like to lead in a deja vu world. People, places, Pizza House and party.



James called me up while i was at Michigan and said that Ryan was for sure moving out of his apartment in Irvine. This leads me to ponder the all important existential question that every sane man woman and child will deal with at some point in their lives: "When do i move to California?"

Waiting here for Brian to pick me up so we can drive off to Michigan...one more time. We were supposed to leave a little earlier but apparently he can't across to Manhattan from Queens because of the two rider policy so he had to go all the way up through the Bronx and then back down. This leads us to the question of why there is a two-rider minimum policy into Manhattan...does it deter terrorists because they always work solo? I don't think so. For the life of me i can't think of any reason for the policy except maybe to reduce congestion in the city and to increase incovenience.

Oh tragic day. BlogBack v1.3 is up and that means my old comments are all gone. But supposedly you can convert them but right now i'm too dumb to figure it out. Someone tell if they get the old comments to come back. I was so attached to them. Let us move forward with our lives and create new memories by commenting more...