Anytime.

OK, well, that's one way to look at it. Great, now you have me questioning my self worth. Thanks alot.

Or maybe it's because if you didn't organize these things, you would be left out? Ever think of it that way?

We're in the final stages of planning for a group trip to Tahoe for snowboarding this winter. A few of us will be driving up from San Diego and some Michigan friends will be flying in. The toughest part of having these grand vacations together is the organizing and miniscule details. You gotta figure out what everyone wants and what everyone's schedule is and stuff like that. It's a little frustrating at times but it's something I've always really really enjoyed. To organize something, to plan. I love that feeling of having everything rushing together and everything finally working out. Granted it's hard sometimes to make sure everyone's happy but that essentially it's the job of the planner to ensure success. I like the organizing of all these trips, the organizing of events and shows. The organizing of fantasy sports leagues. Organizing anything (be it potluck or football game) makes me feel useful and fulfilled.

"FREEDOM!!!"

-Braveheart-

Freedom inside a relationship is not having to worry about the other person thinking about leaving you. Many people believe that a relationship needs 24-hour input. Unless they are constantly in each other’s neighborhoods, they worry that their bond will melt. Wrong. Togetherness, like music, is defined by silences as well as sounds. Relationships last longer when there is a tune instead of a steady drone. Freedom allows you to be yourself. It offers you a code that is fair and supportive of the other person’s right to harmony.



And there are dead-ends in associations, too. Sometimes freedom is being able to leave in a kind way. Calling the end of the game. We want a person who adores us and comes home at night because they want to be there. Anyone can be faithful with feet nailed to the ground. Real freedom is being able to saunter around and explore the world while regarding a partner as a loving friend and ally. And always, to receive that in return.

Having freedom in a relationship. That is my goal. To reach the point where you and your boy/girlfriend are not necessarily yoked together like some beasts of burden. We all have our conceived notions of a classical romance but in reality, few people get that. I don’t even want that. I want a life where I’m filled up by any number of things, not just by my girlfriend. It is most important for me to grasp myself, to have my own identity before I can be in a relationship. Many people are willing to give up anything when meeting a new and exciting person.



To have a great relationship requires that a person have a sense of self and clear ideas about the other person. Both of you need to be happy and fulfilled. In order to do that, both people must be able to define what it is that makes them happy. The idea to me of another person (especially one person) filling your “void” is ridiculous. If you have a void or something “missing”, look inward before you go hunting for that someone to “make all the pain go away”. All happiness is derived from being balanced within your own framework. I’m not saying relationships can’t be good for you but if a relationship is the only thing you need to keep you happy, you need to keep on looking.

Wow, there may yet be some diaper changing in your future.

Yes, one of those. It's hard to balance the "children would be so fun" thoughts with the "whoa, I NEVER want THAT" thoughts but this weekend was a nice refresher of the wonderful side of kids.

One of these!?! A child I assume?

Well yeah, my general opinion of annoying kids is still the same but at times over the weekend I'm like, "Wow, how great would it be to have one of these?"

I thought you were on your "I'm not getting any children" kick?

Yesterday, I got the chance to go visit my aunt and uncle and my two little cousins in Westchester. I got horribly spoiled of course, getting dim sum, Italian dinner, chinese snacks, a rice cooker and shopping at J.Crew. But more than that, I got to see my cousins who are basically the cutest things on Earth. One is eight and the other five and they are mixed (half-white, half-Chinese) so they're beautiful. Plus, they have the dopest names ever. Cleo and Tiana. I haven't seen them in like three years but Cleo totally remembers me and she's amazingly bright and can talk on and on about everything. It almost makes me want to have kids I think.

How profound. With an attitude like that how can you not succeed?

I realized something at work today while I sat stuffing 310 envelopes and affixing addresses to them. Someone has to do the grunt work. When you are old an in an environment where you can delegate authority, the lowest person on the food chain does it. The grunt. But in college, when you are a part of an organization, it's the officers who do everything. Flier at 2 in the morning. Wake up early. Hand out fliers. Stuff a thousand hong-baos. In college, there's nobody you can "make" do it. For Huaren, CORE had to do everything, that's what it meant to lead. I think to be a leader you have to show your willingness to do anything. But when you get older you can have interns or hire people to do your shit. The other difference here is that you grudging to it at work while in an organization you want to do and have to do it. This is my perspective from the bottom of the totem pole.

Please, you love it. Just admit it. "I love it"

Did I forget to mention how annoying you're being today?

But once I did get settled down, the marriage and relationship would be strong and full of happiness. She saw me as a talented person and in two years I would find my calling and be very successful. Comparing notes with everyone else we mulled over the accuracies and the miscues. She wasn’t super accurate and it was all pretty vague but in some senses she pulled out information that wasn’t very generic. And she didn’t have to ask a lot of questions either before reaching most of her conclusions. In short, I wouldn’t normally shell out for this service but it was definitely interesting to do once. Who knows if she read our futures...

...or made a quick sixty.

OK, nevermind, she IS good.

She saw that my parents were very far away and were worried about me and told me to call home more. (all true) She said that I would be giving some advice to my sister soon, nothing big, just some advice. (what do you want CuRiOuS?) About relationships she said I would be married in 3-5 years and have three children (two daughters first and then one son). But that wouldn’t necessarily be with the person I’m with now. She also said that I have a person in my past that is still with me.

YOU? Overstressed? This fortune teller must be clairvoyant for sure.

Moving on....Over the weekend I went to a fortune teller in SoHo. There were four of us and we decided to get our palms read. Ten minutes and $15 dollars later I emerged a little amazed and a little skeptical. She started off by telling me about work (she saw me surrounded by paperwork) and how I felt underappreciated and overstressed.

I hope you weren't the giggly actress judge.

The lemon tart came with a curvy chocolate wafer imprinted with the skyline of New York. Of course my poor culinary vocabulary can’t begin to describe how they tasted or how well the food was presented. There was also a little plate of cookies and chocolates and passion fruit jellies to go along with the coffee. I felt a little uncomfortable because of the formal setting and later like an ass after I ate most of the food before realizing this was supposed to be a “tasting.” The conversation was really interesting too as the one of my bosses, Gilbert, commanded our attention with an astounding array of information about food and trends and places and experiences. I really admired how he was able to carry the conversation and with how eloquent he was. This is as close as I’m gonna get to being an Iron Chef judge I guess.

Today at work I got the chance to take a field trip to the Marriot Marquis in Times Square. My boss invited me along for a tasting to sample the food for the upcoming Bridge Builder’s Awards Banquet. The Marquis is beautiful for one (there’s this spot where I looked UP and got the fear of heights feeling). The food was really really good for another. I don’t usually eat lunch at work so to have a full meal like this was amazing. I realize now how my verbal skills absolutely fail me when trying to describe what I’m eating. We tasted two appetizers (cold duck rolled in rice and a hot duck dish), two entrees (both chicken and pretty similar) and washed that all down with wine. The deserts were dope as hell. We had tiramisu in a chocolate shell bowl, a rich chocolate cake kind of thing and a lemon tart with sorbet. The lemon tart...

Thanks for inviting me by the way.

Shut up.

Can we say starstruck? "Can I have your autograph Curtis?" "You're MY favorite!"

You're just jealous because you didn't get to sit next to him. Aniwaise, he was here and although I've never watched the show it was damn interesting to hear him respond. There were some 100+ people trying to talk to him and some of these people were in the chat room like four hours early. What it must be like to be a 15-minute celebrity and have a window of opportunity into the entertainment industry. He is being bombarded with offers from everywhere and last week he attended the aMedia AMMY Awards with all these other Asian-American celebrities. The pictures came in from the AMMY Awards too and they are picking which ones will be published. I must say, these people look really really glamorous.

You're such a liar. He wasn't even at your desk. He was at your OLD desk, the one you used yesterday.

A few minutes ago, I had a close encounter with an Asian celebrity. Curtis of Big Brother fame was here to do an aOnline chat. They appropriated my desk for his use so in a small way I can say "Curtis was at my desk."

There is this guy. He is almost always at the 53rd/ 5th Avenue stop when I get off or on the EF train. He is homeless presumebly. He spews out little nuggets of wisdom in a deep booming orator's voice. He sounds like a poor man's James Earl Jones. His wise sayings consist of anti-women, anti-money and basically just a lot of anti-anything messages. A sampling: "To destroy a man, all a woman has to do is marry him." "If you marry a white woman, she will ROB you of your money." "As the man touches the young boy he says, I will NEVER touch woman again." The thing about all this is that he's terribly amusing. He engages in witty repartee with anyone daring enough to talk towards him. He likes to say at the appropriate time, "JUMP!"

Right. An action movie inspired by technology from a clothing commercial? Who's ever heard of this stuff? Didn't you have to wonder how Laurence Fishburne's glasses stayed on? Every movie post-Matrix has been influenced by its style. What made my beloved X-Men start sporting dark leather duds? Why did Shaft suddenly sport an ankle length trenchcoat? In the upcoming Charlie's Angels, the fight scenes are ripped right out of the Matrix fabric. Better yet, look at the influence the movie has on our "normal" culture. Forget the contributions to our verbal lexicon (blue pill or red pill?), I'm talking strictly fashion. At the end of the movie, the number one comment was probably, "when does that phone come out?" And the worst thing about all of this is that it's gonna continue because every movie that clones the Matrix in some way or form has been a success. The Matrix is setting the standard for action much like Star Wars did for sci-fi. It's inane for one film to have so much influence. I hope one day to contribute something to the world that can be defined by a single word. "Matrix" conjures up a lot of images and descriptions doesn't it? Like "Microsoft" or "McDonalds" or "Jordan" That's what I want.

Inspired by the Gap ads I might add....

Blame the Matrix. Blame Keanu Reeves for redefining cool. Black leather and big guns? Everyone's done it before but not quite like this. What girl didn't wish they could be Trinity? What guy didn't want a girl like Trinity? Who didn't want to kick ass while floating slow motion through the air?

"Supermodels are beautiful girls, Will. A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man--promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gaze of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stilletto heels."

-Beautiful Girls-

Right, a scooter....remind me again. How old are you?

Catch-22 then isn't it? Oh, i just got a Razor too. I love it. It's the greatest thing in the world. But that was free, i got it for my birthday. (thnxs to: PoChAcHo, WoWo, PaCkRaT, sNooP, ChRiStOpHeR)

Maybe that's the reason you're broke?

I have this keyboard for my Visor. It cost me ninety-nine dollars. It's the coolest thing in the world. It folds up and stores away when not in use. Amazingly frivolous but also amazingly cool. The keyboard basically sums up my point. I can't resist buying the smallest pager, the smallest phone, the myriad of interchangeable phone covers. It's probably a good thing i don't have much money.

Wait wait. Tell'em about the keyboard...

I have to admit to this addiction to gadgets. You know, like cell phones, pagers...basically, anything made by Sony. I'm not exactly a techie but i like to pretend to be. I have a digital 8 camcorder i bought last summer to document life. I just bought a computer. I also like to be reached. I have numerous email addresses and a cell phone and an email pager. It's sick. I start getting nervous when i'm cut off from my cell phone.

A "Big Five" company no less? So do your parents actually like to admit that they have a son? Or do they let that slide in the conversation? "My daughter makes G's in San Francisco...." "Didn't you have twins or something?" "Oh right, we have a son in New York too, we still support that one....."

Oh, the CuRiOuS OnE? (recently re-monikered "DaCurious") Yeah, she's a very successful accountant at PricewaterhouseCoopers.

Oh right. That's what your disappointed parents were wailing about last month. You must be the standard bearer for all overachievers. You should watch Reality Bites. Ethan Hawke's your silver screen incarnation. Say, isn't your SDSU educated sister making a couple tens of thousands of dollars up in San Francisco right now?

But i'm not a product of a higher education. I didn't graduate from Michigan.....yet. I'm 12 credits away from a degree in Philosophy. I'm exploring what my real wants and needs are. Getting a degree didn't quite coincide with that at the time.

This doesn't worry you at all? This whole unpaid thing? It would worry me. Shouldn't you be getting a job commensurate with your abilities as a product of a higher education?

Oh right, I also don't get paid. I'm an unpaid intern. But i'm hoping for something paying to open up here soon because this is where i want to be. Doing Asian stuff. On the Internet. Changing the world. That type of thing.

Did you mention how "glamorously" unpaid you were?

I'm at my 17th day of work right now. I'm an intern at aMedia. They publish aMagazine. aOnline is the "Asian American Digital Network." To be more specific, I'm a Marketing Intern. Which means I do lots of web surfing and research. I also do lots of interny-stuff for our event coordinator. I look up contact information for people, research limo prices, that kind of thing. It's all very glamorous as I'm sure you would of guessed. Gary Locke, the governor of Washington was up in here last week. He was addressed not as Mr Locke but as "Governor."

See? You do have a heart...

It's metaphorical. Symbolic. Get it? But ok, I understand your point. "oO7" it is.

This coming from a guy who disguises himself as "The Wizard?"

Who cares? Nobody will know who he is. There are millions of James' in the world...

Well, maybe he doesn't want the whole world to know who he is. How many James' are there in your life?

No, that's stupid. His name is James. I'm gonna call him James.

Nono, that's not fun. Let's give everyone names. Names that reflect who they are. We're gonna call "James"...."oO7".....so for future reference, "oO7" = "James". Check the math.

My introduction to Blogger was through a friend. Let's call him "James". Appropriate because "James" is his real name.

I am the tinny voice behind the man. I am the ideal. I have been created to walk the path of immortality. I creak and I squeak but aside from minor maintenance, I am indestructible. But I cannot cry. If I should cry, my jaw will rust shut, silencing me forever. So, to alleviate this problem, they removed my heart. Without a heart, there can be no feelings. And when there are no feelings, it's pretty difficult to cry.

"It's time to dethrone you clones, and all you knuckleheads

...right about now, I use my authority

Cause I'm like the Wizard and you look lost like Dorothy"

-GangStarr-