chirp chirp, buzz buzz. everyone else in the book club read the inner circle, i didn't. to summarize, it's an account of alfred kinsey's sexual research, as told by his fictional assistant. okay, if you want to know about the the book, go read it. if you want to know about kinsey, go watch the movie. if you want to hear stupid ideas, read on.



i'm here to ask whether or not our current sex education system (or lack thereof) is adequate. most of us got some form of sexual education. for me, it was in sixth grade, from my newlywed biology teacher, who blushed everytime she had to talk about copulation. much of our classroom education involved enactments of sex as done by cartoons. at least that's what i remember. i distinctly recall erections being accompanied by a springboard sound, fitting i suppose, if somewhat traumatizing when hanging out by the pool.



the most "educational" part of sex ed was of course, the pregnancy video. they really shouldn't show that to little kids. disturbing. beyond that, sex ed was a joke. i don't even think we were taught how to properly use a condom. and this is from a private school (although not religious) education mind you. i guess rich kids should just know how to use condoms and avoid STDs.



in class one day, my friend remarked how excited she was to see kevin costner's naked backside in dances with wolves. i found the sentiment disgusting and out of place in my eleven year old world. but then some other girls agreed with her. i'm not sure what resonates with me more, the fact that little girls my age were thinking about naked backsides then or the fact that kevin costner's butt was once an objection of affection. you decide.



what i propose as sexual education is the "buddy system." the following may sound suspiciously like a societal thumbs up for the michael jackson's of the world, but bear with me, it's not. in certain cultures (real or fictionalized), children of a proper age are taken to be educated in the art of lovemaking. they are given real life, and hands on, instruction about how to conduct themselves in the bedroom. i motion for this sex ed era to come into effect again. example. young men aged sixteen to eighteen would be taken (against their will of course) to a sexual education center -- maybe the local planned parenthood could spare a wing, this building could be the wal-mart of sex. anyway, in one dazzling week filled with tedious seminars and rote experiments, young men would be taught the ins and outs of sex. instructors? aren't there a lot of unemployed playboy playmates hanging around? they can't all date hef at the same time can they?



the advantage of this proposal is that everyone will be properly sex educated by the time they've reached (wo)manhood. no more curiosity, no more worrying about "when will i get some?", let's pull back the curtain and take sex out of the backroom and into the classroom. this is the way sex education should be done. there should be no doubts about the value of information you are receiving. no more watching stupid videos, scouring the internet, asking your big sister (or having your big sister trick you into reading sex ed books, as the case may be), sitting down with your totally uncomfortable parents, etc. young adults would just know. and knowing is half the battle. at the successful completion of the sex ed course, t-shirts could be handed out imprinted with "i can prevent abstinence, ask me how." who would be against this plan? except for maybe the playmates? and hef.