calvin: i've decided i suffer from low self-esteem.

calvin's dad: is that a fact.

calvin: from now on, my goal is to feel good about myself.

calvin's dad: you're going to work harder at everything and build some character?

calvin: no, i'm going to whine until i get the special treatment i like.

calvin's dad: i wonder if anyone else is as scared about the future as i am.

calvin: i've found that immediate gratification is the only thing that helps me.